Sebastian unearthed a book from beneath his clothes. It had been on the nightstand in his bedroom. James grabbing it for him was sweet, and so was his offer of a permanent drawer in his room, but Sebastian didn’t need to be any more attached to James than he already was. “No need to clear out a drawer for me,” he made himself say.
James paused. “Oh, okay.”
Sebastian turned away and continued to riffle through his box. He shouldn’t be unpacking when he needed to be looking for his own place to live. Something pink caught his eye and he bit back a laugh. Thoughts of getting some space from James fled his mind. “James, what are these?” He spun to face James, the fuzzy handcuffs dangling from a finger.
James went bright red. “You know what they are.”
“Yes.” Sebastian smiled wickedly. He loved flustering James. “But I gave them to you. Why are they in my box?”
James scowled, but his cheeks didn’t lose any of their color. “I’m giving them back.” He turned to face the closet and hung up the shirt he was holding. James made it so easy to tease him. He was way too bashful for a guy who fucked like a stud.
Sebastian stalked closer, and James avoided looking at him. The poor guy was having trouble getting his next shirt on its hanger.
Seeing the effect he had on James gave Sebastian a rush of confidence. It reminded him that he was still playful and deviant and not defined by his new insecurities. Not everything about him had changed since leaving Storm House. He could still be the same man who took pleasure in seeing James squirm, the guy who took what he wanted and said to hell with the risks.
“Why’d you pack the handcuffs, James?” he taunted.
A muscle in James’s jaw ticked. “I don’t know. They were in my room with the clothes, and I threw them in a box.”
“Uh-huh.” Sebastian dangled them in front of James’s face. James glared at him. “You’re sure you didn’t pack them because you want to cuff me to your bed?”
James went even redder, the color tinging his ears. “Seems like you’re the one who wants that.”
Sebastian gave a careless shrug like he wasn’t interested. He swore disappointment flashed across James’s face. He lowered the cuffs and stepped closer, whispering in James’s ear, “You can tell me what you actually want. It’s okay.”
James swallowed. There was such a long pause that Sebastian wondered if James wouldn’t say anything, but then he whispered, “Maybe it isn’t you I want cuffed to the bed.”
Sebastian sucked in a breath. He’d assumed James would keep grumbling and deflecting. The fact that he hadn’t meant he trusted Sebastian a great deal, and Sebastian loved that. He liked shocking James out of his shell and giving him room to indulge his desires.
“Do you want me to restrain you, James? Do you want to lie there and take what I give you?”
James dropped the shirt in his hands. “Yes,” he said, voice hoarse. “Please, Sebastian.”
Sebastian pulled him into a kiss. He took James’s mouth roughly, stealing his gasping breaths, and felt like himself again. Sebastian wasn’t lost when he was in James’s arms. He knew who he was.
He was a survivor, someone who seized good things without hesitation and found things to live for even when he had nothing. The sexual relationship he’d had with James at Storm House had been mind-blowing. Sebastian had had nothing to lose and nothing to offer a man like James while he’d been imprisoned, yet he’d still been confident in what he wanted. He’d taken it without considering the risks or the possibility of rejection.
James was his dream partner, and he finally had him. He couldn’t let fear get him now. Sebastian was the kind of man who could reach for things even when on the edge of despair. He could still be that man. He could still drive James wild and enjoy everything they gave each other, even if he felt on the cusp of losing it all. Even if he felt lost sometimes. His life wasn’t out of his control in the way it had been before, so why couldn’t he take more of the things he wanted and make them his?
Sebastian needed to take charge. He needed to sort out his life and be honest with James. While kissing the man, he felt like he could. He could stop keeping secrets. There was a sliver of hope that he could keep one good thing in his life.
He wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t at least try to make this last.
“Strip and get on the bed,” Sebastian ordered once he was able to pry his lips from James.
James whimpered but complied. His eagerness was on full display as he shoved his clothes carelessly off his body. Being wanted that much made Sebastian’s head spin. He watched, not touching his own clothes, and couldn’t help thinking how lucky he was in so many ways, even when so much was still going wrong.
When James was lying on the bed, completely naked and erect, Sebastian approached. He trailed the handcuffs up James’s stomach and across his chest. James panted, lying still and waiting.
“You’re really into this,” Sebastian observed, his mischievous grin on full display.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” James tried to huff like he wanted Sebastian to think he was annoyed, but the sound was desperate.
“Of course.” Sebastian set the cuffs on James’s chest and began taking off his clothes. “I’m just wondering why you spent so much energy pretending you weren’t instead of asking for what you wanted.”
James’s gaze tracked Sebastian’s movements as he undressed. “I’m not as bold as you.”
Sebastian liked that James thought he was bold, especially after all his recent displays to the contrary. “I think you are.” Sebastian climbed onto the bed, naked. “When you remember you don’t have to be afraid of what you want.”