Page 49 of Confessions of an Apache Pilot

“Good night, Ho,” Laura’s sleepy voice drifted over to me, and I chuckled before closing my eyes and forcing thoughts of Mark out of my head.

I woke up to a knock on my door. Stumbling out of bed, I walked past Laura’s empty bunk and realized that she must have started her shift already. I opened the door and stepped right into a wall. Only, it was a hard, muscular, wall. I stepped back with a curse and realized I was face to face with Mark. Last night's adventure came screaming back to me. I blinked a few times, then tried to form a sentence. He looked at me, his expression saying ‘we need to talk’.

“It’s fine” I said, before he could start. “It’s not a big deal, we can just-” He interrupted by stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “Just come on in then,” I choked out, feeling lame. Just what I needed. I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet, let alone run a brush through my hair.

He reached his hand out and gently grabbed my wrist before I had the chance to back up and create distance between us. It was like he was inside my head. As though he knew what I was going to do before I did it.

I could feel a whole body blush starting. I wanted those hands to never let go. He looked at me with those bright, hazel eyes. My knees were buckling under his gaze. I had to stand firm. “Jen, talk to me. What happened last night?”

“What do you mean, ‘what happened?’ You got mad and stalked over to the aircraft and then...” I let the accusation hang as I gestured towards his crotch.

Right, because you had nothing to do with last night, coward.

He took a slow breath and closed his eyes for a second. It was clear he was suppressing the urge to roll them at my obvious bullshit. He opened them again and this time looked like he was considering something crazy. He gave me a sideways glance. “Is this because I didn’t play with your tits?”

My hands shot up to my breasts, covering each with my palms. “What? No! What do my breasts have to do with this?”

His expression changed briefly to shock, but he covered it with a smile. “I...I don’t...I meant they’re nice. They’re great. I just got a little caught up last night and didn’t touch them. It’s not like I didn’t want to.”

I moved my hands and folded my arms more protectively over them. “You’re not touching my breasts. What... where is this coming from?”

He looked to the side for a second, and then shook his head. “Nothing, nowhere.” He shook his head and muttered under his breath “Fucking Brady. Last time I listen to him.” Then he refocused on me. “I just want to know what happened. I thought...we had something.”

“Well we don’t, or we shouldn’t. I don’t know, just...go away. I need space.”

His eyes softened again. Oh God, why did I say that? He looked hurt. He was hurt. And dammit he was respecting my demands. Since when does he listen to anyone else? Why was he starting now?

“Alright, if that’s the way you want to play it,” he said, narrowing his eyes. His jaw tightened in suppressed frustration. He was pissed, but keeping it contained. After an uncomfortable moment watching me, he turned and let himself out. I sat back on my bed and buried my face into my hands.

“Why, why do you keep doing this to yourself?” The last thing I’d actually wanted was for him to walk away. I just didn’t know how to do this—any of it. I didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship. I was beginning to think about what that might look like with a man like Mark. His willingness to do as I asked showed what an amazing guy he was. The way he took me when he wanted me still made me ache to my core. It terrified me. He terrified me. I knew if I gave into him—and oh, how I wanted to—he’d have the power to crush me beyond all recognition. Scott and what he did to me would look like child’s play if Mark ever decided to discard me.

I stared sullenly at the door, unsure of what to do. I wanted to run after him and fix this. He didn’t deserve me lashing out at him because I was confused and scared. That’s exactly what I’d done and I knew it. I didn’t have the courage to go to him right now, though. So instead, I sat there and berated myself for being a coward. Eventually, Mark would give up on me and I’d ultimately get what I was asking for. I just wasn’t sure why that idea made me unbearably sad. Loneliness welled up inside of me as tears dripped down my cheeks.

CHAPTER 28

Mark

“Soooo, how’d your talk go?'' Laura asked cautiously.

I had gone straight from Jen’s room to our CP. I must have brought my anger through the door. Brady, Artie, and Santos all went wide eyed, and not so subtly moved behind me and left the room. I grabbed a chair and dropped it in front of her. I let out a sigh that was more of a growl.

“That good, huh?” she asked with a wince.

“That woman...” I clenched my fists and took a deep breath, trying to get control of myself. In general, I hated being angry and out of control. It was a display of weakness. I rarely got this way. Naturally, it would be a woman who pulled this out of me. And not just any woman, it’d be one like Jen, trying to deny herself to me. It wasn’t hard to see she wanted me as much as I did her. So why was she resisting? It made no sense.

“Jen has always had a special talent for bad decisions with men,” Laura said while smiling, trying to relieve the tension. I shot her a look that said ‘tell me what I don’t know’. “She just needs some-”

“What she needs is a swift kick in the ass. I won’t put up with this flip-flopping shit. She can play those games when she’s single, she doesn't get to play them with me.”

Laura’s evil grin spread across her face. “But she is single, isn’t she?”

I narrowed my eyes at her, but didn't respond. Her grin got bigger and she bumped her eyebrows up and down a few times.

No, she’s not. I kept the thought to myself. I doubted Laura would tell Jen if I said something like that, but I didn’t want her yanking my chain about it. I didn’t consider Jen single anymore, and hadn’t for a while. She was mine. Damn it.

“I’m going to the gym,” I muttered, shoving out of my chair and heading for the door. I needed to work off my anger.

Laura let out a low chuckle. “That girl has no idea what trouble she’s in.” I heard her whisper to herself as I walked out.

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