Page 32 of Confessions of an Apache Pilot

Mark had released me immediately. He was watching me with that intense stare, and somehow I knew if I didn’t do something he was going to grab me again and we’d be right back at it. He looked like a predator, watching its prey. Only I knew as the prey I’d enjoy every single thing that happened next.

I’d been told many times, mostly by Laura, that I was a self-saboteur when it came to relationships and love. She was right. And I wasn’t in the frame of mind to make a change tonight. As much as I wanted to let Mark catch me and have his way with me, I wasn’t ready. Couldn’t allow it. I was doomed to get hurt if I started down that path. In my mind, this didn’t count. I could still come back from this, get back on the right track.

“I… sorry, I should go.” My face was on fire. Why had I kissed him? I’d told myself I was going to stay away from him, that I didn’t need this out here. But my emotions had been ping-ponging around, along with the adrenaline, since the attack had started. Watching Jim quietly try to hold it together, while his youngest son was under attack, and having no way of helping, was torture. Then Mark’s voice came over the radio. My feelings were a tidal wave I couldn’t outrun.

As I hurried toward the barracks I glanced back and saw Mark standing where I left him. He was still as a statue, watching me. I knew that legendary control of his was the only reason he wasn’t pursuing me across the tarmac. After a kiss like that, I couldn’t decide if that left me disappointed or grateful. If he had this much self-restraint, what would happen to me when he lost control? Tucking a piece of hair that had slid out of my bun behind my ear, my feet matched the pace of my racing heart and I disappeared into the building.

I kept up my near run all the way back to my room. I was a bit embarrassed about running away like a coward, but not as much as I was for what I’d done. Stepping inside, I closed the door and leaned back against it. As soon as it shut my hands were up covering my face. “What the fuck did you just do?” I yelled into them.

My heart was beating a mile a minute. There would be no sleeping now. I threw on a pair of shorts and my running shoes and went back outside. I took off down the road, following what had become my normal jogging route. I needed to beat the emotions and desires that were plaguing me out of my system.

My feet pounded the pavement. I tried to think of something else, anything else, but my mind went right back to Mark's lips. His rough hands moving up my back as his tongue pushed into my mouth. My pussy was still wet from before and it wasn’t helping that I was going over every second of that kiss in my mind. My nipples had hardened again, painfully brushing against cloth as I ran.

I took a deep breath and leaned forward, running faster up the hill. I rounded the corner by the chow hall and continued past the recreation room.

Oh how I wanted to get involved with some recreation activities with him. Relieve this deep seated need that was living inside me day in and day out. Dammit. Faster. I forced my legs to move quicker. If I could just run fast enough, maybe I could put that kiss far enough behind me that I could forget it.

But you don’t want to forget. You want more. I turned slightly, making it to the flightline. I poured on more speed, everything I had. My run was long enough; I wasn’t worried about running into anyone now. They'd all left the flightline and headed into bed. My feet were slamming against the pavement, almost loud enough to drown out my heartbeat. Almost. I tried to run faster, but there was no way for me to outrun the feelings I had for him.

I skidded to a halt near the Apache I’d been pressed up against not fifteen minutes prior. Bending over, hands on my knees, I sucked in heavy breaths. I worked on blanking out my mind. Not allowing myself to think of Mark as I straightened and walked, for the second time that night, to my room. I was at a crossroads, and I knew it. What I didn’t know was what to do. If I moved forward with him, like my body wanted to, I was risking myself.

Love is always a risk. Those were Laura’s words. She’d told me that once, years ago. It was no wonder I was thirty and still unmarried. When it came to love, I was a risk averse person. Was it possible to change that about myself? Did I even want to? For him? Maybe, I did. But I wasn’t going to do anything tonight. I didn’t allow my feet to take over this time because I knew exactly where they’d take me. I forced myself to go into my room and get ready for bed.

CHAPTER 19

Jen

After the attack on Pamir, the Army decided to shore up manpower. Me and my team and two Apache crews were sent over to be on a twenty-four-hour Quick Reaction Force. They sent people from nearly every base. Even Bagram had dedicated manpower to the operation. That way if the insurgents decided to make another play for the base, we’d be there and ready for them.

I was excited about it, like a camping trip at the world's dirtiest campground. I wanted to see more bases, travel around a bit, and see the country. More importantly, it would give me a chance to avoid Mark after giving him that kiss. A chance to literally cool off. But the gods of aviation were cruel and liked to have fun at my expense, so naturally, Mark and Laura, along with Brady and Artie, had been assigned to come along. It didn’t matter that there were plenty of other Apache crews, no, the Commander decided since they’d been first on scene that night that they should have the opportunity. I didn’t disagree, but now I was stuck in an even smaller space with Mark. My libido rejoiced. My brain cringed. I’d never been so torn over something before, let alone someone.

We were just landing and pulling into parking, positioning the aircraft in a tight area next to the Apaches when the excitement of a new place took hold of me again. I was going to make the best of this and learn as much as possible.

After shutting down, I stepped outside to take it all in. This would be our home for the next couple weeks. In addition to the elevated threat of attack, the Beards and Apache teams would be doing nonstop operations from here. Considering that MES was nearly an hour away, it was the safest decision overall and one we were happy to help with. Especially with what had happened here before.

I met Laura at her aircraft, and we made our way to Pamir’s Operations Center to see where we should drop our things. Laura looked around and laughed, “This place looks like the beginning of every zombie movie.”

She wasn’t wrong. There were cement walls everywhere, razor wire ran across the tops of them. And everywhere you looked were broken…things.

It looked like as soon as something broke, it was abandoned in place, or moved just barely out of the way. There were broken generators everywhere. A smashed TV screen, random pieces of pipe. Just junk, everywhere.

“Over here, Ma’am.” It was Santos. He waved to us from across the flightline and brought us into a long building nearby. I stepped in and looked down a two-hundred-foot hallway. We’d walked in through a door in the middle. To our left was just a large open room with cots laid out. To our right was an actual hallway with a few rooms.

Santos was giving us the tour. “Sleeping is in the open bay here, first come, first serve.” He gestured toward the cots, then turned to the hallway. “Up there on the left is the female latrine and female changing room. On the right is male latrine and male changing room. It’s the best we can do with the limited space.”

The last sentence must have been in response to the look on my face. No use complaining, though. There really was nothing else here. The army did make every reasonable effort to provide separate sleeping areas for men and women. Sometimes though, there just wasn’t enough space. You had to make do with what you had.

Laura and I found two open cots next to each other. Most of the bunks had stuff on them, I couldn’t be picky. We set our stuff down and decided to go to the Operations Center to check in. Mark was already there, naturally.

“Laura, grab your helmet. We have a mission.”

“Already?” she asked. She wasn’t complaining, just surprised. In fact, she sounded excited. That seemed to be a natural reaction for the Apache pilots, I was coming to realize. They looked forward to a fight.

I guess when you had the biggest guns and rockets the idea of searching out a battle would be exciting. I sort of understood, but from the opposite direction. Since my job was to grab the wounded and bring them to a hospital, it was a literal race against time. It was a thrilling experience. Though it did involve wounded allies, so I shouldn't feel too elated.

“Yeah, intel says that a High Value Target might be in town and the Beards are itching to go grab him. Rumor is this is the guy who organized the attack on Pamir.” He was speaking to her, but his eyes were on me.

My face heated a little and I had to fight the urge to rub my thighs together to alleviate the ache that had suddenly started up. We hadn’t had a chance to talk over the last few days. Everyone had been busy preparing to come over here. Now that we were here, I knew it was only a matter of time before we’d have to address that kiss.

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