Page 28 of Confessions of an Apache Pilot

“Shep,” someone called from across the room.

I jumped at the reminder that anyone could look over and see us flirting with each other. It was so hard to keep a hold of myself around him. Especially when that intense gaze was fixed on me, but thankfully he looked over at whoever had summoned him.

“Give me a minute,” he told me as he rose. Crossing the room, he approached Jim and squatted down to talk quietly with him.

I allowed myself a chance to enjoy the way his shorts hugged his ass and the tanned skin of his toned thighs before I got up. I rushed out of the room as quickly as I could without looking like I was retreating.

Coward. My inner voice was a bit of a bitch, but I knew when to beat a quick retreat. Somehow, I’d managed to think rationally at the end of the conversation. I wasn’t going to be able to keep it up. I’d end up in bed with Sheppard and who knew where it would go from there? One of three things was likely. It stayed as a one-night-stand. We slept together while we were out here and went our separate ways once we got home. We didn’t even live in the same state. Despite that, the third option was a relationship.

My steps faltered as I thought of that. A warm glow started from my heart and spilled out over my body. A relationship with Mark? Why was that so appealing?

Maybe it can work.

A cold chill swept away the glow as I considered it. I’d once thought the same thing about Scott. Look where that had gotten me. No. I shook my head and forced myself to keep walking. I had to figure out a way to only be friends with Mark. Any other option was just too…terrifying. I was past being able to lie to myself. I wanted him, but if he broke my heart there’d be no picking up the pieces.

He wasn’t like Scott, who was a selfish, self-serving dick, and I’d had to remind myself why I was with him. Sheppard was a man I was coming to admire. He was brave, selfless, and did everything to keep those around him safe. Scott always looked out for number one. I’d seen multiple times already where Mark had proven that he was willing to take a hit himself to protect someone else. Like he had with the Commander after my mistake when I’d first gotten here. Scott would have tossed me under the bus, boarded it, and backed over me just to be sure.

It didn’t matter. I couldn’t have Mark. There was no way I could see that would allow me to be with him and protect my heart the way I would need to with a man like him. I was better off keeping my distance. Decision made, I walked into my room and shut the door.

CHAPTER 17

Mark

Laughing, I slapped my hand on Junior’s shoulder and stood up. I turned, eyes falling on the spot Jen had been sitting. A frown marred my face as I realized she’d left.

“What the fuck?” I muttered. The woman was driving me bat shit crazy. I’d never had this much trouble in the past with women, not that there’d been too many. Most women were more like Karolyn and that just wasn’t my type. Playing hard to get was sexy, but the vanishing act was a whole new level.

“Apparently you like the type that disappears the minute you turn your back,” I told myself.

“Talking to yourself, Shep?” Ty materialized at my side and I wondered how much of that he’d just heard. He answered that question pretty quickly. “Can’t seem to nail down your girl, can you?” He tilted his head at me, a wicked grin on his face.

“Fuck off,” I told him, tone grim. She was a mystery. I had to admit, her running off every chance she got was making some primal instinct inside of me wake up. I wanted to chase her down. Take what we both wanted. It wasn’t doing much to help keep my hands off her, that was for sure. I’d been dying to shift my hand over while I’d been talking to her. Let my fingertips trail up the inside of her leg. She wouldn’t feel too much through her uniform pants, but it would have been enough. I was dying to watch her gulp in breaths as I brought her to the edge of pleasure, only to back off, then start all over again.

“What seems to be the problem?”

I glanced over at Ty. The man was the type never to have issues with women. It didn’t surprise me that he looked confused. All he had to do was smooth down that beard and flash a pretty smile at a woman and she’d jump into bed with him. Shaking my head in amusement, I answered, “Told my guys hands off. Can’t very well go doing what I want if I’m keeping a tight rein on them.”

Ty snorted out a laugh. “Sure you can.” At my questioning look, he sighed. “Look, Shep. Everyone knows your boys and how they…are. They need to be kept on a tight leash. But there’s no sense in strangling yourself with that same leash. You don’t chase ass…at all.” He met my gaze. “You’re allowed to have a good time if you want, because you’ll never allow it to get out of control. Never allow it to affect the mission. It’s not who you are.”

“I’d listen to him, Shep,” Brady said, walking up with Artie. Brady was carrying a loaf of bread in his hand, taking bites straight from it as he explained. “You’ve been watching Walker since she first got here-”

“Dude, thought you were going to cut some slices for the rest of us.” Artie said, eyeing the bread. It smelled of garlic and cheese.

“I was.” He took another bite. “But then I decided…fuck you.”

Artie punched him before Brady stalked off. “Fucker, go make more.” He turned his attention to me.“Thought you were going to do something stupid up there in Bagram,” Artie admitted. “Looked like you wanted to take the head off that guy who was grabbing onto her.”

He and Ty both looked at me in bemusement as I all but growled in displeasure. I prided myself on my control. On being a dutiful soldier who always did the right thing. But Artie was right. I’d wanted to pummel that fucker and I hadn’t even known him. Shit. I hadn’t even known her at the time. My caveman brain saw a pretty woman and lost it.

“He was holding up the flight,” I said. Even I knew it was a weak explanation.

Artie grinned in an ‘I’m not buying it’ way. “Yeah, sure. Perfectly normal for you to knock random pilots on their ass for delaying your flights.”

“Actually, that isn’t that unusual for him. Certainly not with staff officers.” Brady chimed in from across the room.

“Bread,” Artie snapped.

Brady’s eyes narrowed, but he disappeared to whatever secret cave he had where he seemingly magically baked bread.

---