Page 128 of Milo

"Kiara!" Julia hollers from the foyer. "Hurry up! The stores will be closing soon!"

"Who goes shopping on Christmas eve?" I call out from the powder room as I apply one more layer of taupe lipstick. "And didn't you already buy all your gifts?"

"Yes, but I want to buy more!" she shouts. "Come on, Kiara! Luisa's waiting for us in the car!"

I jog toward the front entrance, scowling at her. "Jules, I'm so tired, I don't want to go," I complain as she loops her arm through mine and drags me out of the house. "Can't the two of you go by yourselves?"

"And leave you alone so you can stare at the clock until my brother returns tomorrow? I don't think so!" She opens the backdoor to the SUV. "Get in!"

"Fine!" I grumble, sliding in beside Luisa. "Hi."

"Hi," she says hesitantly, scanning my face. "Are you okay? You don't look well."

"I—"

"She is fine!" Julia huffs as our driver starts the car and pulls out of the driveway. "And if she's not fine now she will be in ten minutes. Shopping fixes all problems. I'm a psychologist, trust me."

I roll my eyes. "I don't think that's factual."

Julia purses her lips as she scowls at me. "Studies have shown that shopping releases Serotonin which is a hormone that contributes to a person's happiness. So yes, it is factual, Kiara."

"I'm not sad," I protest, crossing my arms defensively. "I'm just tired."

"If you are not sad then why do you have that look in your eyes? Hmm? It is alright to be sad, Kiara, it does not make you weak, it makes you human," Julia says, cocking her head, her expression softening as she catches my slight frown. "What is wrong, cara? You can talk to us. We can help."

"I'm not sad," I double down, biting my bottom lip as my gaze bounces between Luisa and Julia. "I'm just—" I let out a defeated sigh, fiddling with my nana's necklace, Antonia's words muddling my mind. Do not hurt my baby. "I'm just confused and frustrated and tired."

"About Milo's proposal?" Luisa asks, shifting her body toward me. "Have you still not decided?"

“No. Not yet…”

"Talk to us, maybe we can help," Julia offers again. "Please?"

"Fine.” I press a button on the console and raise the divider. Luisa and Julia give me their undivided attention as I lean back into my seat. "I feel like these past few days I've been stuck in this endless loop, and I can't seem to get out of it. It's like there's something holding me back from giving him an answer." I pause, my face falling. "And I don't know what it is."

"It's your brain, cara," Julia states with a weak smile. "That is the problem."

"My brain?" I knit my brows together. "What are you talking about?"

"Here we go," Luisa chuckles, tossing me a knowing side-eye. "The doctor has arrived."

"Oh, shut up." Julia casts Luisa a scowl before turning her attention back to me. "Listen, Kiara, in psychology, there is a concept of the Triune brain. Basically, a person's brain is broken up into three sections: the brain stem or survival state, the limbic system, the emotional state, and the prefrontal cortex, the executive state."

I blink. "Okay? And?"

"Well, the executive part of our brains helps us with problem-solving and making intentional decisions, only humans have this ability. The survival and emotional states exist in all mammals, they are instinctive, evolutionary. When a person is in a state of stress, their brains automatically default to the lower levels, emotional and survival. You are stuck in survival, Kiara. Milo hurt you and you are scared of being hurt again. Your brain is perceiving him as a threat, it is unable to differentiate between being chased by a lion and accepting a proposal."

"It is true," Luisa adds, drawing my attention. "Last year when I went through a break-up, I did not understand why it was taking so long to get over it. Julia said it was because my emotional state was preventing my executive state from letting me move on. Inside my brain, that break up was almost like being abandoned by my herd. It was why I was so upset over such a short relationship."

"Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do then?" I ask, flapping my arms. "How am I supposed to control my brain? You're not being very helpful right now, Jules."

"It is important to be aware of how your thoughts impact these states, Kiara. In order to move away from the survival state, you need to feel safe. You need to reassure your brain that you are not in danger, that Milo is not a threat."

"How do I do that?"

"You must believe it, cara," Julia says. "You cannot trick your body or your brain. You must be assertive, not passive in accepting change. And a proposal, a marriage, would be a big change. Your brain is trying to protect you. It is trying to keep you safe. But if you want clarity, you must take control of your feelings, your emotions. Do not let your primal instincts dictate your choices."

Mind over matter.

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