Page 88 of Forever Wild

Bryn’s gaze softens. “I understand your need to focus. And I’d like to say that any other day I wouldn’t have minded, but the truth is I want to hear from you. Going a day without hearing from you would’ve been brutal, even without the article.”

I nod, my heart aching at the pain I have caused her. “I feel the same way.”

At her skeptical eyebrow raise, I continue, “I know it doesn’t make sense, but I do! I wanted to talk to you. I kept reaching for my phone to text you. It’s like I was having imaginary conversations with you, so it was like you were there. But I’m not making excuses. I didn’t mean to, but I was so focused on what I needed that I shut you out when you needed me the most, and I can’t... I can’t forgive myself for that.”

Tears well in Bryn’s eyes, shimmering in the bright light of the room. “Jameo,” she murmurs, her voice trembling with emotion. “I understand why you did what you did. And I appreciate that you weren’t trying to hurt me. But...but I can’t shake this feeling that I’m not... I’m not right for you. That we aren’t right for each other.”

“That’s not true, Bryn. We are. We are perfect for each other.” I gently wipe a tear that escaped and is now running down the side of her face.

“I called in sick today. I needed to see you so bad that I called in sick the last workday before my big presentation,” she says.

I hadn’t even thought about the fact that today is a workday for Bryn. I knew her presentation was Monday, but the timing of this is the worst. It’s truly like all the stars are aligning against us. But fuck the stars, I won’t let them ruin what I have with Bryn.

“I’m sorry, Bryn. I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I appreciate that. But it’s not just about missing work today. It’s about our lives not actually lining up. It’s not likely, but I might get this promotion—”

“You will,” I cut in.

She shoots me an exasperated look and continues, “And I’ll be less nomadic. I’ll likely have to move to California full-time.”

“They have golf courses there,” I say.

“I won’t be able to come to your tournaments. I’ll have to actually build time into my schedule to come and visit my family instead of just crashing at their houses.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“You’ll realize I can’t be a good girlfriend and good at my job.”

Her words cut through me like a knife, slicing through the facade I have carefully constructed around my heart. “I don’t believe that for a second. You’re already the best girlfriend, and you’re great at your job.”

“Peter,” she starts, and I release a growl at the name of her ex on her lips. She puts her hand on my chest as she continues, “Peter and his family never thought I was good enough for them. Mrs. Easley couldn’t stand the way I would show up in my work clothes, hair pulled back in a casual bun, talking about my job instead of Peter’s. It was like everything I was proud of about myself, everything I liked about myself, was wrong. I tried to be in both places. I tried to be both women. I tried to excel at my job and be there for Peter, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t enough. I failed at both things.”

My heart breaks for my usually confident girlfriend, and I want to pummel the man who made her think she was less than the absolutely perfect woman that she is. “Love, that’s such—”

“Look, I like who I am. I’m proud of who I am and what I’ve accomplished so far in my life. Would I like to lose five pounds and stop cussing around the kids in town? Sure. But who doesn’t have one or two things to work on? What I don’t like, what I can’t force myself into again, is a life where I feel like I’m failing for being that person. I love you, Jameson, but I can’t be the girlfriend you need me to be.”

“I don’t want you to be that person, Bryn!” I shout before catching myself and bringing my voice back to a normal range. “I love how much you love your career. I would never ask you to change that. I love how laid-back you are. I love your body and your potty mouth. I love that you would rather wear jeans than a dress. And I don’t give a fuck how you wear your hair as long as I can wrap it around my hand when I’m fucking you from behind.”

Her eyes flare at that last statement, and, as much as I want to bend her over the desk in the corner and do just that—I can already feel the silky hairs pulling across my knuckles—I know she doesn’t quite believe me yet.

I hate where this is going. I can see her steeling herself to break both of our hearts.

“Jameo, I—”

“Don’t,” I all but beg. “Please don’t, Bryn.”

The tears are back, spilling down her cheeks, leaving trails as they fall.

I continue, “Don’t make any decisions right now. I know the last couple of days have been brutal. I know you have the most important presentation of your life on Monday. Just focus on that. I will text you and call you every day and won’t even expect you to respond or pick up the phone. You focus on your presentation. Then we can talk more about us. About our future. Because if I have anything to say about it, we will have a future, Bryn.”

“I don’t know, Jameson. It feels like putting off the inevitable.”

“It’s not, Bryn. Please just try. For me?”

I need her to agree. I need to have a chance to make this right. To make it up to her. To show her that our love is stronger than she thinks it is right now. I completely understand why she is uncertain, but I’m confident enough for the both of us. I broke her Barbie house, but I’m going to make it right.

Before she can answer, I play my trump card. “You still owe me. From our first round together. I won. I won one thing of my choosing. I’m choosing this. I’m choosing us.”

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