Page 14 of Out of Focus

“So, you’re not mad?” Lainey shimmies out of the hug, looking at us both as we shake our heads.

“Not even a little. I totally get the appeal of a private ceremony.” Maeve winks and gives a watery laugh, and eventually, all three of us are laughing, crying tears of joy for our growing little family.

“We’ll tell everyone at brunch. I mean, I guess it’s just Raf and Owen left anyway.” Elaina shrugs and wipes away her remaining tears as we go back to our seats.

“I have a secret, too,” Maeve announces quietly. She wrings her fingers together over her belly. “I slept with Owen years ago.” She shuts her eyes tightly, likely expecting a big reaction out of Elaina.

I wait for it too. But it doesn’t come.

“Yeah, he, um, he sort of told me already.” Her shoulders lift in a shrug. “When I asked him how he knew he was in love with you, he told me about your conversation after Dad’s funeral. You know, before you fucked on the beach.” She smacks Maeve on the arm lightly, then bursts with laughter.

“That man cannot keep a damn secret.” Maeve sighs. “I love him.” My sister’s hand lands on my forearm. “All right, sissy. Your turn. Have any secrets you wanna spill?”

Before I can give it any thought, I say the words I’ve thought about saying to my sister and best friend for months. “I’m C.M. Howe.”

Elaina gasps and brings her hand to her mouth to stifle the sound. Maeve’s jaw drops to the floor. “You know, the author of all the romance novels Lainey reads and Maeve has no interest in?” No one says anything. “Someone say something, please.” My face twists into a grimace as I look down at the countertop.

Elaina starts sobbing. Hard. She’s the crier out of the three of us, but I did not expect body-shaking sobs. I freeze for a moment, and just when I’m about to say sorry or hug her, she moves her hand. “I’m… s-so… h-h-happy.” I place a hand over hers, squeezing gently.

I turn to look at Meave to find she has tears running down her face. “I’m so proud of you, Char.” Great, now I’m crying, too.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” I sniffle and feel Maeve’s hand squeeze my shoulder.

“We understand.”

“Yeah, we do.” Elaina looks up, wiping her face with a napkin. “And we’re going to have to talk about this in much more detail. I have so many questions. I need the inside scoop.” My biggest fan and best friend smiles hopefully at me.

“We will. I promise. Maybe another time?” I’m so not prepared to dig into this right now. “Maybe you could tell us about your wedding instead? Because I think it’s safe to say we will never be asking for details about Maeve’s secret,” I deadpan, but we all laugh.

“Not fucking ever,” Elaina says. “But yeah, I can tell you about our ceremony.”

As I listen to her recall the details of their special day, I keep running over what I would like that to look like for myself. Robert will want a lavish wedding, full of people neither of us really know but who would be important to the company and the growth of the business. It would have to be fancy. He would want me to wear a puffy dress and heels.

Blimey, that sounds awful, doesn’t it? I want the marriage without the big wedding. I want what Maeve and Elaina have. The loyalty and love of their most treasured person. Being seen, known, wanted, and chosen every day for forever. I want safety without complacency.

I suppose if the price to pay for that is one day of discomfort and social anxiety, it might be worth it.

Right?

9/

what the fuck alternate universe have i entered?

rafael

I wake up with a headache and the weird, tight feeling in the middle of my chest that hasn’t left me since Charlie walked away from me in my own backyard. Glancing at my watch, I see it’s still early and decide I have time for a quick run before I head to Elaina and Adam’s place for brunch. My movements are practiced, almost robotic—I’ve done this every day since I was a teenager. Running and exercising have always been necessary for me. I need to let out pent-up energy and clear my thoughts.

After getting my five miles in, I shower, grab the ingredients I need for brunch, and head out.

Adam is outside with a big smile before I even get out of my car. Frankie, their dog, is hiding behind Adam’s legs as he pulls me into a hug, patting my back. “Hey, man.” When he pulls back, he takes one look at my face and his eyebrows furrow. “I wasn’t gonna make mimosas, but I’ll pop open some bubbly for you if you want. You look like you need it.”

“No, dude. I’m good.” I laugh, thankful for the lighthearted comment that also tells me he noticed I’m not quite myself. “Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” I grab the bags from the backseat and follow him into the house. “Smells like Lainey made some coffee though; I’ll take some of that.”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?” He turns back with a quirked eyebrow.

“Because it smells good. I can tell it was made properly and not like the weak-ass shit you like to brew.”

It’s his turn to laugh. “Yeah, you’re right. Lainey’s way better at coffee than I am. She made it before heading to Maeve and Owen’s with Agnes.” Once inside, he pours us both a cup—mine black, and his loaded with cream. It’s one of the many ways his fiancée has influenced him since they met. He takes a sip of his coffee and smiles like it’s not totally fucking disgusting how much cream he just poured into it. “So. How’s your new neighbor?” He pauses, looking up at me, doing that waiting thing he and Elaina do.

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