Page 12 of Out of Focus

“I’ve been telling you for years that he’s the nicest bloke!” Her eyes widen again as she gives me that I told you so look.

“I know. I know. You’re right. I’m going to apologize to him, and then I promise I’ll be nicer.” Her whole face lights up at my words, and I can’t help but smile.

“Really? Is this the end of your feud, then?” She squeezes my arm, eyes still bright as a wide grin spreads across her face.

“I guess so.” I shrug, though inside, I am reeling.

How am I going to apologize? When?

She lets out a little squeal as she bounces on the balls of her feet. “I’m just going to take another minute here if you don’t mind. But I promise, I’ll tell him I’m sorry and thank him for what he did.”

“All right, sissy.” Her smile softens, and she tilts her head to the side. “I’m proud of you.”

I smile back at her. “Thanks, Mae.” I squeeze her hand one last time, and she lets me go. “Now get back to being the perfect hostess you are and enjoy your party.”

She blows me a kiss as she walks backward, then she turns and someone grabs her attention as soon as she’s back in the light again. I take several deep breaths, trying to think about how I can even begin to tell Rafael that I’m grateful but, most importantly, that I am sorry.

After a few minutes of trying to psych myself up, I smooth my hands over my skirt and look up. My whole body stiffens, and I freeze as I watch Rafael place his hand on a blonde girl’s waist. She whispers something in his ear, and he laughs. The sound travels over to me, and it might as well be a physical blow with the way I tense at the impact. The very leggy, very beautiful woman runs her fingers up his arm until they tangle in his curly hair. She pulls his face down to hers, and their lips meet in a kiss that’s all lust and tongues. My cheeks heat as I stand there, unable to look away. When they shift, Rafael’s eyes open and lock with mine, and I swear his lips lift into a smile. I jolt back, a grimace taking over my face as I shake my head and remember that Rafael may have done something nice for me once. I may have said some things I didn’t mean while blackout drunk, but he’s still the same guy, just looking for the next woman to conquer.

Well, not this one.

I will never ever fall for his charm, and that’s just the reminder I needed. Rafael Machado is the same disgusting pig he was the day I met him, and regardless of the fact that I should apologize, it’s not happening today.

I walk out of the darkened spot in the garden and head straight inside. Maybe this is a good time to write. I certainly won’t be writing any love scenes, but perhaps I can write about a beautiful womanizing man. Perhaps said beautiful man ends up castrated. Perhaps I can get as descriptive as possible with exactly how such a tragic thing might happen. Seems like a great way to end the year.

8/

somebody get her that popcorn.

charlie

now

I slam the door behind me as I walk into Maeve’s house and wince, hoping Julia’s not asleep. We’re meeting here for an early morning chat before we all go to Elaina and Adam’s place, where the guys are making us a Sunday brunch.

Rather than looking for a route this morning, I walked to the Santa Monica Pier and back to Taylor’s apartment. Just over five miles later, and I still don’t feel any better about the fact that I’m going to see Rafael today after I walked into him, and he patched up my arm.

I walk into the kitchen and am met with one pair of wide blue eyes and one pair of even wider green ones, Maeve and Elaina, respectively. I send my sister an apologetic look.

“Don’t worry, Julia is out with Owen,” Maeve says, reading the look on my face.

“And this one can sleep through just about anything,” Elaina says, laying a gentle kiss on Agnes’s head. She looks so at ease, holding this two-week-old baby on her chest like this is what she was made to do. “Why don’t you sit with us, Char?” Elaina’s sweet voice cracks a bit when she asks me to sit, and I immediately feel guilty. Again. I felt guilty all week. For I don’t know what, but it definitely wasn’t for not thanking Rafael properly for bandaging me up. Nope. That definitely wasn’t what I felt guilty about. And I didn’t once think about how I never thanked him for that New Year’s Eve, either.

I take the cup of tea and sit at the kitchen island with them. Elaina’s head tips to the side, and when she looks at me with those bright green eyes of hers, I feel myself soften, even if only slightly. “Ugh. What is happening to me? I just slammed a door. Do you know when the last time I slammed a door was?”

Maeve and Elaina give me matching blank looks before they both respond with, “Never?”

“Exactly! I’m not like this.” I’ve spent most of my life keeping my emotions in check. I’ve been called sensitive and irrational too many times. So, I wear my suit of armor. I do it to protect myself, yes, but also to protect the world from my emotions. It’s easier not to express any feelings. I lay my head down on the counter in front of me, letting out a muffled groan.

My sister’s warm hand comes to rest on my shoulder with a squeeze. “Oh, Char.” She doesn’t need to say anything else. She knows as well as I do that growing up with our mother didn’t do either of us any favors. Maeve was always told she’d amount to nothing, that she wasn’t smart enough, while I was told to do something exceptional with my brain, but to act more like my sister. I was always told to be less myself and more like her, but only on the outside. Maeve grew up thinking her only value was on the exterior because she was broken inside. Twins, destined at birth to be pitted against one another, and yet here we are. Best of friends.

I inhale a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. It’s just been a weird week.” Looking up, I feel rather than see Maeve’s heated gaze on me. I made the mistake of telling her how Rafael helped me after I walked right into him. She’s silent, but it’s like I can hear her thoughts.

You didn’t thank Raf, did you? she asks silently.

No. And he’s still a complete wanker, so…

We eye each other as we sip our tea, the silent conversation somehow seeming too loud inside my head.

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