Page 71 of Lost Love Found

Before I can process and before any tears can fall, Adam moves us around, his arms around my back, our lips and tongues dancing in time to the music of our movements. He sits up with his legs spread beneath me and I'm straddling him, my own legs wrapped tightly around his waist.

“You’re gonna give me one more, Tornerose.” My eyes go wide as I shake my head. There’s no way I can come again. Right? As if reading my thoughts, he smirks, grabbing my hips to pull me down harder onto him. He rocks against me, and I grind down onto him, each movement more delicious than the last.

Our breaths become rapid and shallow in sync with our movements, and I feel the heat building deep inside me again. How is this happening?

I tilt my head back as he trails soft kisses along my neck, his hips grinding into me in time with each stroke. Every second with him seems to fill me with a little more bliss until I feel I'm glowing from the inside out.

“Elaina,” he says into my mouth as our eyes meet again. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.”

I can’t manage words or thoughts. All I can do is feel. I feel everything. The sweat dripping down my chest, my hair stuck to my forehead, his shallow thrusts as he comes inside me, his steady hands on my back, my orgasm rippling through me again, his breath on my lips and the twin tears racing down my cheeks.

We’re both slick with sweat and we move together as if our bodies are dancing to an unheard rhythm, both of us panting heavily. As our movements slow, Adam tenderly tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, a small smile playing on his lips as he leans to kiss me softly. He then carefully lays me down and pulls out of me, and I miss our connection instantly. “I’ll be right back,” he whispers before getting up.

When he returns, he has a warm washcloth. He cleans me up and lays next to me, lifting my upper body onto his chest. I kiss his neck, tasting the salt of his sweat, our sweat, probably. “I think you broke me. I… I’m speechless.”

His rumbly chuckle is quiet, but I feel it in his chest. With his strong arm around me, as I listen to his slowing heartbeat, I fall into a deep sleep.

* * *

I wake suddenly as his words replay in my mind. Elaina, I love you. I love you so fucking much. I nearly choke as air struggles to creep into my lungs.

No. No, no, no. Oh god, no. I climb out of bed as quietly as I can and run to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. I feel sick. Shaky. I slip into the bedroom to gather up my clothes. Back in the bathroom, I get dressed, but I lose my balance by putting my heels on and knock over the soap dish, which clunks loudly in the sink.

“Elaina?” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I don’t have time to react. He’s standing at the bathroom door. Thank fuck he threw his boxer briefs on. I do not need to be swayed away from my decision to leave by his beautiful, perfect cock.

“Are you OK? Wait, what are you doing? Why are you dressed?” I’m panting, borderline hyperventilating as I try to come up with better words than I am freaking the fuck out! His brows are furrowed, his hands on his hips.

“Adam. I’m so sorry. I just… I can’t. I have to go.” My hands are shaking, and I can’t look at him. He moves towards me and I take a step back.

“Lainey. Baby. What happened? Look at me. Please.” I nearly break in two at the agony in his voice. He walks toward me again and I don’t move. His hands come to my shoulders, then he cups my face, moving it until our eyes meet. “Please don’t leave. Talk to me.” His blue eyes are pleading with me and I have to look away or I might just stay.

Would that really be the worst thing? YES! He doesn’t love me. He can’t. I can’t.

I shake my head. “I… I can’t, Adam. I’m sorry. This is too much.” I blink back tears. I can’t cry right now.

“Then we slow down. We take a step back.” He pulls me in close, so my head is on his chest. “Please, Elaina. Please don’t leave like this in the middle of the night.”

“We won’t. We won’t slow down. We haven’t been able to do anything slowly.” My voice is surprisingly firm considering I am crumbling inside. I pull away and take in the look on his face. “It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I let this go too far…” I see the hurt in his eyes and it’s killing me to be the one causing it.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I’m not letting you run away from me.” His hands each hold on to one of my elbows, keeping me in place. “Just… let’s talk through this. Is it because I said I–”

“Stop. Please, Adam. Stop.” I’m pleading with him a lot tonight. I take two steps back, needing the distance from him. I can’t hear him say it again. “You need to let me go.” Tears fill my eyes, but they don’t fall.

“It’s the middle of the night, Elaina.” His lips are in a tight line. He’s still standing in the doorway, so I can’t leave.

“Your doorman will get me a cab. I’ll be fine.” Of course, he’s worried. And I won’t do anything stupid. I just can’t be here. “I’ll let you know I’m safe. I promise. I need you to let me go. Please.”

He moves aside and I rush past him, my shoulder brushing his chest, sending sparks all over my body. “Elaina,” he calls as I grab my suitcase and walk towards his bedroom door. I stop, but I don’t look back. “I do, you know? I love you. That’s never going to change.”

I don’t believe you. I almost say the words, but I walk away instead. Out of his room. Out of his apartment. Out of his life.

I get downstairs and ask the lovely middle-aged man at the door to help me with a cab, which he happily does. I get in and ask the driver to take me to JFK. It’s not enough to be out of Adam’s home. I need to get out of this city. And I know exactly where I need to go.

Of course, there are no flights to Boston at 1 am. The earliest flight leaves at 5:30 and I could drive to Marblehead in that time. It’s not like I’ll be able to sleep tonight, anyway.

Rental car, it is. Before I drive away, I quickly text Maeve to let her know where I’ll be and my mom, to let her know I’ll be arriving first thing in the morning.

And when I turn on the car and Harry Styles’ voice is singing to me about being a bluebird, the tears come. Fast and hot, they stream down my face. I don’t think I stop crying until I reach Marblehead.

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