Page 81 of Lost Love Found

It hits me then that I might feel a little like I did at 18. A little unsure, a little in love, a little scared of what’s to come. But what’s different is how I face my fears. This time, I want to face them head-on. I don’t want to run away anymore.

33

did someone say chocolate chips?

adam

When we walked into the diner, all I could do was watch her. She seemed so at ease, so comfortable here. She put on her old apron and came to take our orders. And here she is now, telling me about the pancakes and to splurge on maple syrup. It’s so natural, this thing between us and when our fingers touch as I hand her the menu, I have to hold my breath to keep from spontaneously combusting. It’s impossible to ignore the gravity between us. We’re pulled to one another always, no matter what. Does she feel it, too?

She fills up a tray with plates and brings them all over with the cook behind her carrying some more. The plates look heavy, but she doesn’t even flinch. Everyone smiles as they get their meals and Elaina finally sits down next to me, a giant plate of chocolate chip pancakes in front of her.

“You didn’t say anything about chocolate chips,” I joke, jabbing her lightly with my elbow.

“You didn’t ask!” She shrugs and smirks at me as she takes a giant bite of chocolaty pancake. I resist the urge to lick the chocolate chip from the corner of her mouth. She does it quickly anyway and I’m again left speechless at the sight of her tongue, especially now that I know what it feels like. What it tastes like. Fuck.

She stabs one of my pancakes with her fork and puts it on her plate and before I can ask what the hell she’s doing, she stabs one of her chocolaty ones and plops it down on my plate. “Now you get the best of both worlds.” She smiles brightly. She did this on purpose, knowing we’d be sharing.

We all finish eating, and there’s happy conversation around the table though Elaina doesn’t interact much with me. Elaina hugs Betty tightly before we leave. Actually, we all end up hugging Betty because she’s a sweet lady who seems to take everyone under her wing as unofficial grandchildren.

When we get to Eva’s house, the whole place smells like tea and muffins. It reminds me of Elaina’s house, except hers is coffee and muffins. Though we’re all full, we immediately notice the stacks of muffins on the table. Blueberry, banana, chocolate chip, oatmeal, double chocolate, poppy seed and ones with red berries in them. All of our favorites.

“Hey, Ma. Wow, that’s a lot of muffins!” Owen had already devoured two plates of food, but somehow, he's still hungry. He reaches for a banana muffin, breaks off a chunk, and closes his eyes as he savors the sweetness.

“Hi, darlings. Yes, Elaina’s been busy making all your favorites. She made all of these except the lemon-poppy seed.” She hugs and kisses Owen and Elaina tenderly, her eyes crinkling in the corners.

“Bon, you didn’t know we were coming, did you?” Maeve walks over and smells the muffins as Owen watches her curiously.

“No. I just missed you guys, so I made all your faves. Plus, there was one I’d never made before, and I wanted to try out the recipe.” Elaina looks at me as a blush creeps up her cheeks. She made my muffins. Tried a new recipe so she could make my favorite.

I feel a hand at my elbow and turn to see Eva smiling up at me. It’s a smile I know well because it’s Elaina’s, too. “You must be Adam.” She pulls me into a hug. “Thanks for being patient with my girl and loving her so well.” She says this so only I can hear and pats my cheek before turning away. The others are so enthralled with the muffins and their conversations that they miss the moment.

I excuse myself to go to the washroom and find myself standing in the hallway, staring at the photos on the wall. I hear Elaina’s laugh and turn back towards the kitchen. Raf has his arm around her shoulders as he pretends to put her in a headlock, and everyone laughs. It feels so good to see her like this, but fuck, I’m scared she won’t come back to me.

34

again?

elaina

Everyone stayed long enough for some tea and mom and I sent them all home with their respective favorite muffins. Adam and I didn’t talk. I didn’t feel like I could. Not with so many people around. Not when all I wanted was to kiss him and tell him I love him. So Ma talked to him instead, and they seemed to hit it off. We kept goodbye hugs short and I promised them all I’d be back in LA soon.

I wake up the following morning with a smile on my face, and after two weeks of being here, sad, confused, and lonely, this feels so good. I’m done wallowing here and I know what I need to do… sort of.

OK, so there’s not much of a plan. Basically, I’m going to go back to LA to pour my heart out to Adam and hope against all odds that he hasn’t given up on me. On us. That’s as far as I’ve gotten. Looking over my list one last time, it feels good to know I’ve taken chances, tried new things, and learned so much about myself.

Get a manicure and pedicure - this will make me feel pretty and even if no one sees my toes, I’ll know they look nice.

Have more dance parties in the kitchen. Alone, With other people. Just generally dance more.

Host a dinner party. Make an extravagant meal. Enjoy every second of the chaos. This is for me because being around people brings me joy.

Visit Mamá in Marblehead. Tell her I love her. Hug her tightly. Lots.

Make a new friend? Just at least try. But only if it feels right and good and the vibes are impeccable.

Go on a trip just for fun. Pick somewhere I haven’t been, or somewhere I have been and loved. Go and eat all the delicious things, see all the beautiful things and do whatever the hell I want.

Kiss someone. Make it someone really kissable. If they suck at it, stop and find someone new. Kiss because I love kissing and because it’s fun.

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