Page 42 of Lost Love Found

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to kiss you now, OK?” I wait for her response, but one doesn’t come. I pull back, doing my best to hide my concern. When I tip her chin up towards me, I see her small nod as she licks her lower lip again. “Fuck,” I breathe out, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to pretend she’s my girlfriend while wanting her to be my actual girlfriend while also pretending that I just want to be her friend.

Without thinking, I lean down and press my lips to hers, swiping my tongue against where the ice cream was. Her eyes close and lips part, like a soft invitation. She melts deeper into my body, her free hand holding tightly to my forearm. Just as her lips part further, we both hear the sharp click of a camera shutter. Elaina jerks away from me, her cheeks now tinged pink as she busies herself with her ice cream cone, as if nothing had happened. So much for not being very good at acting.

This shouldn’t be so easy though, leaning down to kiss her. It shouldn’t feel this natural to be with her. I shouldn’t be fucking my fist in the shower nearly every day to the thought of her in my bed. But it is easy, it does feel natural, and I am most definitely doing that. After this many years of celibacy, without so much as kissing another woman, I expected all of this to feel foreign. But everything feels right with her and I only want more of it.

A cool breeze blows in and Elaina shivers. Without thinking, I slip off my sweater and drape it over her shoulders. I take Frankie’s leash, and we start our walk back. Elaina talks animatedly about the romance novel she's reading, her deep green eyes lighting up as she describes the characters and plotlines and how she can imagine it playing out on the big screen. Her excitement is infectious, and I find myself completely absorbed in her words. I want to savor every moment with her, while at the same time willing away my own feelings that have come flooding back after our kiss earlier.

* * *

The following day I wake up to music. “Fantasy” by Mariah Carey is coming from the kitchen along with the unmistakable smell of L’s chocolate chip muffins. When I walk in, she’s singing into a wooden spoon, one arm in the air as the messy bun atop her head bobbles and her body sways in that irresistible way of hers. She’s in her typical leggings and a cropped T-shirt - what I recognize now as a true Elaina uniform for yoga, baking, or hanging out at home.

“This is just like the night we met,” I say over the music, not wanting to scare her, but also unsure of how to let her know I’m here without doing so.

She jumps back, putting the spoon down then quickly swatting at me with it. “You scared me! What are you doing home? I thought you’d left already.”

I chuckle, walking towards her. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.” I kiss her on the forehead, leaning to grab a mug for the coffee that is, of course, already made. When we see one another at home, it’s always with this easy, natural way of moving around one another. I reach around her to pour myself the perfect amount into my mug and take a deep breath of the freshly brewed aroma of the coffee. I sip my black coffee while she guzzles her beige-colored one doused in creamer. No doubt there’s also half a pound of sugar in it.

I grab a cloth, scrubbing the sides and bottom of the pot as she takes a step back to reprogram the machine for the next day. I let Frankie out early in the mornings before my workout and she takes him for a walk in the afternoons. Even when we don’t see one another, that’s how it goes. We perform these routine acts without ever having spoken about them. They just happen. I finish washing the coffee pot and turn back towards her, looking into her eyes as if I want to say something more than “I don’t have to be on set today.” But that’s what comes out anyway.

“Oh. Well, I hope I didn’t wake you.” The wrinkles around her eyes deepen and her brow furrows as she studies my face with obvious concern. I can almost feel the weight of her worry, like a heavy blanket draped over me. “You didn’t,” I immediately reassure her. “But even if you had, there are worse ways to be woken up than with your singing and baking, Lainey. Both of which are fantastic.” I walk towards her again, brushing off some flour on her cheek with my thumb. “What are you doing today?” This is my lame attempt at diffusing the tension that’s already thick in the air.

“Maeve is going to her beach house for the weekend to decompress, so I was going to take these muffins and a casserole up for her so she has some of her favorite things with her when she gets there.” She smiles a shy smile, like I just caught her doing something she’s not supposed to.

“Want company?” I don’t think, I just ask because I don’t actually care what she’s doing today. I would have wanted to go with her anywhere.

Her eyes brighten and she stands a little straighter. “Really? You really want to come?”

“Really. I really do.” I hardly finish my sentence before she’s hugging me, nearly spilling my coffee all over us.

“OK, I’m gonna shower and change and we can leave. I don’t want to take up your whole day, so we can be quick.” When she looks up at me with that wide smile, I know I would say yes to absolutely anything this girl asks of me.

“I’ll do the same. And my day is yours, beauty. Whatever you want to do, I want to do it with you.” She scrunches her nose at me, smiling even bigger.

She lets out a little squeal. “This is the best surprise. You’re the best!” She scurries off down the hall and I go off to my bedroom, doing a terrible job of ignoring that she’s naked and in the shower at the same time as me.

Twenty minutes later, we meet back in the kitchen. Elaina’s auburn hair is falling down her back, half up in a little clip. She has a white dress shirt half tucked into denim cutoffs and white sneakers. She’s all toned muscles and long legs and the coconut honey smell that is entirely hers traps me in place. She’s just finished packing the food when she turns to me, smiling. “Ready?”

I nod, twirling my keys on my finger. “I’ll drive. Come on, Frankie.” The pup slips and slides all over the floor, running towards me and out of the house to my car. The whole scene is so natural and comforting. It feels like we all belong like this. Together.

In the car, Lainey insists on listening to our playlist, which is such a mess of all different songs. We laugh as 50 Cent and *NSYNC mingle, but we also sing along to nearly every song. Her hair blows in the wind and her long legs bounce with the music.

When we get to Maeve’s house in Malibu, Elaina leaves the box of muffins and a note on the kitchen counter along with the fresh flowers we stopped along the way to buy. I take her wrist and pull her towards me, wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Willing my self-control to kick in, I settle for combing my fingers in her hair. “This is really nice, you know? What you’re doing for Maeve?”

She leans on the counter next to us, swaying into my touch. “It’s nothing. I know she’s really stressed out and tired. She deserves this.”

I shake my head, fingers still in her hair. “It’s not nothing. You’re a good friend. The best. You put in a lot of effort. And you deserve stuff like this, too.” I wonder who in Lainey’s life does things like this for her. Who takes care of her?

“Yeah, well, I like to do these things for the people I love. It doesn’t feel like effort.” I don’t know if she’s noticed, but our bodies are closer, hers leaning further into mine.

“I know you do, Tornerose. The people you love are very lucky people.” I run my thumb along her chin, angling her face towards mine. Her lips part and she shakes her head softly.

“I’m the lucky one,” she whispers.

The suddenness of the barking and the loudness of it completely rips the moment to shreds, and she steps away from me before I can even think of holding her in place. I swear Frankie has something against men getting close to Lainey, which I don’t mind. Unless I’m that man.

“Um, we should head back. We can stop and get lunch on the way if you’re hungry? Or I can make us something at home. Whatever you want. I don’t mind either way.” She’s moving quickly around the kitchen, grabbing her purse and Frankie, heading towards the front door. This is not how I wanted things going today.

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