Page 22 of Lost Love Found

Maeve is at the door and I rush to her side, making sure we get into the same car before there’s a chance for me to be caught in one with Adam and Raf.

“Let’s go, Maevey! I have great news!” We step into the backseat of the first car and Charlie is already in the front seat. “Owen will be here tomorrow!” I raise my hands in the air as far as I can get before touching the roof of the car.

Charlie smiles widely and pats my leg before she turns around to put her seat belt on. “That’s wonderful, Lainey! Will he be here just visiting?”

“No, actually. He’s coming to support Raf. I guess you guys will need more security than they anticipated. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye and see a forced, unnatural smile spreading across her lips. I fasten my seatbelt, trying to make sense of her expression. There's no use in questioning Raf about the heightened security measures. He doesn't mess around when it comes to his job, and I didn't press for more information since he usually keeps it close to his chest, anyway.

“Yeah, I met with Rafael this morning. You can cross off another item, Bon!” OK, so she’s fine, I guess? Looked like she was maybe a bit upset when I first mentioned it. “More time with your big bro!”

I smile as my heart flutters with happiness at the thought of spending time with Owen. Maeve and Charlie go on chatting about some meeting they have to go to later. Char handles all of Maeve’s finances, being that she’s sort of a math wiz and has at least two degrees in economics now. I process while they talk.

So, Adam thinks I’m amazing. That’s nice. But he wants to be just friends, which is for the best. His presence definitely does weird things to me, but I’m not doing relationships. Nope. No way. Not now, maybe not ever! If I couldn’t even manage a relationship with a guy like Ben who hardly ever wanted sex, traveled all the time for work and who literally never argued about anything, I don’t even want to know what being with someone who isn’t a robot would be like. And I’m focusing on myself, right? This isn’t the right time to focus on someone else.

And the thing about his publicist wanting him to have a fake relationship? That’s so messed up. I get wanting to get his name off the gossip blogs and all that, but what good would a fake relationship do?

I’m so caught up in my thoughts I don’t even take in the city as we drive to the London Eye.

We arrive at the private entrance and quickly shuffle in, two well-known faces unobtrusively blending into the group. We’re all inside in no time, which is so unusual for me when I visit here. There are probably some paparazzi outside, but once we’re inside the pod, we’re free from the public eye.

I’m immediately transported to my first time in London, and I feel the goofy smile on my face as we move up.

Adam's blue eyes are bright as he steps closer and nudges my arm. I can feel the warmth of his body radiating off him and smell his woodsy scent. His voice is low as he asks, “So, what’s the story?”

“What story?” I ask, looking up at those ridiculously gorgeous blue eyes.

“With the London Eye? What’s the significance?” He’s turned now, so he’s looking at me and not the upcoming view.

“Oh. Um, it was the first thing I did when I came to London for the first time.” I shrug as I say this and he crosses his arms, raising his eyebrows as if to tell me to keep going with the story.

I sigh, happy he wants to hear more. “I waited in line for like two hours. It was spring, and the trees were gorgeous with blooms everywhere. Even the grass had come alive. I got into a pod with a group from Germany and they were so happy. They pressed their faces against the glass, mouths wide open with wonder. They asked me if I was all alone and I smiled so big when I said yes, feeling something like pride or maybe joy at the magnitude and simplicity of the moment. Everyone wanted to take pictures as we stood on the edge of the pods with the London skyline in the background. I didn't take a single photo that day. I just stood, looking out, smiling the entire time.”

I keep looking out at the view now, watching as the Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, and Big Ben come into view. “It was such a freeing experience that when I visited London a year later, I came back. Alone again, standing in line for a crazy amount of time again. And every year I visit here I come back. Maeve and Charlie came with me a few times. Now, every time I visit, this is the first thing I want to do.” I shake my head and let out a deep breath. “I get to reflect on who that 19-year-old was and all the ways I’ve changed since standing in one of these pods looking out at this unchanging city. Looking at London’s skyline, with its ancient cathedrals, shining skyscrapers, and rows of terraced houses so tightly packed it seems they'll collapse in a heap, I think of my own life in the past decade – falling in love, experiencing heartbreak, losing my dad, the work I've done; the good times full of joy and the bad times of sorrow; all the lessons I've learned and the growth that has come. I feel a deep connection with this city; ever-changing on the inside, yet forever stoic on the outside. It’s where I decided I wanted to pursue my career.”

When I finish my little monologue, Adam is still in the same pose. Arms crossed, staring intently at me. I struggle to meet his eyes, and when I do, they look bluer than the unusually bright sky above us, so clear and sparkling. He’s smiling at me, then he shakes his head softly. His lips part, as if he’s about to say something, then he closes them again. After a breath, he says, “Keep going.”

“I always knew I would find a way to balance my father’s love of architecture with mine—he saw the mathematics and engineering of a building, while I saw its heart and soul. I’ve crafted a career in set design, envisioning every little detail of the lives happening inside the walls. It’s the details that create the story, so I pour my heart into creating sets that are multifaceted and bring the characters’ lives to life. The actors, the music—those all matter, too, of course, but the little nuances of everyday life are key components in capturing an audience.”

His arms are at his sides now, and there’s a crease between his eyebrows. His gaze is like a hot beam of sunlight, and it warms me from the inside out. He takes a slow breath. “Wow.”

The word hangs in the air for a few seconds. He holds my gaze, then he seems to snap out of a trance, holding onto the railing with both hands. “I get it.” He faces the view now, taking in the same buildings I’ve looked at once a year for 10 years. And that’s all he needs to say. He has no questions, no commentary of his own. We stand, studying the buildings, the water, and the people on the bridge in comfortable silence while our friends chat just behind us.

Half an hour later, we’re all scurrying out to get back to our cars. Someone catches sight of Maeve, and before we know it, dozens of people are chasing her. Raf rushes her into a car with Charlie, leaving me to ride back to the apartment with Adam. Good. Great. Maybe I can talk to him now about our friendship. No time like the present, right?

Once the car is moving, I quickly blurt out the words before I can change my mind. “Adam, I need to talk to you about something.” I turn slightly in my seat once I’m buckled in. No beating around the bush.

He turns as well, but motions to the driver first. “Can we take the scenic route back, please?” Now he gives me his eyes and smiles. “Talk to me, L.”

Ugh. I love that stupid nickname. I smile back, wondering how not to sound like an ass hat when I say what I need to say. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you. You’re easy to talk to and be around, and I don’t find that with many people, and…” Oh God, his face. It reminds me of Frankie when I scold him for chewing up my socks, like he's confused and just wants to go run outside.

I clear my throat. “I know we’ve sort of already talked about this, but I need to be perfectly clear.” Deep breath in, deep breath out. He stares at me, eyes narrowed, and brow furrowed, as if I'm speaking a foreign language. I draw a long, slow breath, determined to get the words out. “Look, I want us to be friends, plain and simple. No funny business. I have to know you understand that’s all it can be—no hidden agenda. I don’t want to lie to you about my feelings, or anything else, for that matter.” My palms are sweaty, my stomach in knots. I've barely taken a breath before the words are out of my mouth, cascading like a waterfall of anxiety. “I don’t want a relationship,” I say firmly, still unable to look him in the eye. “After three years with Ben and how it ended and how it was for that whole time… I can’t go through that again.” I'm rambling, unable to bear the heavy silence that will surely follow my words. “And I don’t sleep around. Not anymore, anyway. That didn’t do good things for me either.” I finally meet his gaze and I feel my face flush with embarrassment, realizing how insane I must sound. Taking a deep breath, I try again. “But I do like you. A lot. And I want us to be friends. What I really need is a friend.”

I finish my needlessly long speech with my hands all tied up in knots on my lap. Adam is looking at me with a curious expression. He looks down at his lap and then back up at me with a small smile. “So, what exactly do friends do?” He sees the shocked look on my face and keeps going. “I mean, I don’t have female friends. You have guy friends, at least I see you with Raf and you two seem to have a good thing going. So, what exactly does friendship look like?”

“We do what we’ve been doing. We talk, we spend time together, we do things for each other.” Easy peasy. I got this.

“OK, and what are the boundaries?” He looks serious. He’s seriously asking me about boundaries right now?

“Umm, well obviously there are certain things friends don’t do, like kiss, see each other naked, touch, you know… bathing suit areas….” I really just brought up seeing one another naked, didn’t I? Stop thinking about Adam naked! Now! And bathing suit areas? Are you 10?

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