Page 7 of Obsession

“This is of the most dire importance,” Jaegen says seriously. “He is out of the amulet. On his own, unrestrained. You yourself have seen the destruction he brings.”

I say nothing for a few moments, trying to get my thoughts in order. I don’t want the world to end, but part of me just wants to live in it. Not to save it.

Not to go back to him.

“What would you offer me in return?” I ask. For the blow to my ego, for the possible loss of life.

“I would forgive your debt,” he replies easily. “The consequences of using magic without a conduit.”

My eyes narrow. A few lines of ink on my arm in exchange for the life of a god? Compared to Dominachion and Cera’s use of magic, it’s not fair at all. What about their debts?

The temperature of the room increases. “Your kind has always liked to barter,” says Jaegen.

“I was just thinking,” I say carefully.

“Yes, and you think that I am being unreasonable, even though you would also like Aris gone. We both benefit.” He stares down at me for a long moment, neither of us breaking the gaze. His eye twitches, slightly. “Nevertheless… what is it that you want?”

“It’s not that I want anything, just not to be exploited.”

“Exploited.” His voice is flat, and I wince at the tone; I have overstepped.

I remember my heart stopping and Henry resuscitating me. He isn’t here now if Jaegen loses his temper, or if he decides that he doesn’t want to bargain with me after all.

Jaegen takes a step toward me, and I freeze, bracing myself for something unfortunate, but he just talks. “He is vile,” says Jaegen. “A stain. Removing him would solve issues for us both.”

“Yes,” I say nervously, inching backward, “but…”

“You are afraid of the risks. You could be found out; you could die.” He comes closer, raising his hands in a placating manner. “This is reasonable. I understand the concern. But think of how many die every day for nothing: accidents, illnesses, war. You would be dying for something much greater than yourself. Think of your human heroes and martyrs. Are they not admirable?”

To die to maybe save the world…?

I hesitate. I don’t know how to explain this to a being as old as the universe. To him, human life is incomprehensibly stupid, but it’s all that we have.

Aris has already taken so much; I don’t want to give him my life, too. Then again, isn’t it already over? Say I reject Jaegen’s offer, what then? Where would I go? What would I do? My lack of prospects is exactly what Aris thought would make me run back to him.

And Jaegen is right, in a way—isn’t it a romantic notion? To do the right thing, to be the good guy? Wouldn’t it feel good to put my mother’s book out of print—My Daughter, The Devil—for everyone to know that she was wrong?

But I’d be risking so much: death, and seeing Aris again. His cruel beauty and vicious sneers. The way the air presses into me when I look into his black eyes.

“I see,” says Jaegen. There isn’t exactly sympathy in his voice, but something close.

“It’s just… It isn’t just that I might get hurt,” I continue, then pause. I don’t want to say the words, but Jaegen stares expectantly, even though he can read my mind and already knows how I feel. Sighing, I finish, “I don’t want to go back.”

“He is mean. He hurt you. I see this,” he says patiently. “You must understand, though; he would let only you get close enough. It has to be you.”

“It has to be me,” I repeat dubiously.

Aris’ remarks flit through my mind. All the times that he told me I didn’t matter, that he didn’t care about me—that I was weak, stupid, foolish.

And then I remember his praise and how my toes curled to receive it. How I preened.

Clever girl.

You are mine.

My host.

My chest hurts from the splintering of my heart. Words deceive; actions do not. And when Aris acted, he acted to hurt me. He doesn’t care. I don’t have to go back—send any mortal his way and he’ll be content playing with them.

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