Page 115 of Possession

For a moment, I doubt myself; I doubt the conclusion I’ve come to. It’s mad. Insane. But it’s right; the piece slides right into place.

I turn away from him. The pain from the tattoo is catching up to me, and my arm throbs with the beat of my heart.

I’d suspected. He was distant when we first came here, but I thought I was being stupid. Paranoid. I thought it couldn’t be true, and how could it? We’ve been together for months now.

Months…

“How long?” I say, facing him again.

His lips purse. “The moment he left you, he went into me. I thought I could control him, but look, Mary, we need to—”

“So every time we were together… every time that you touched me and—”

“Mary, the Institute is under attack!”

“I don’t care!” I yell.

He takes a step back, visibly stunned at the volume I’ve raised my voice to. Of course, he’s surprised. I’ve been nothing but agreeable. I have done everything he’s asked, and more. Just yesterday, I would’ve cut myself and ripped out my heart if he said that he liked the color red. But that wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t enough to make him confide in me, trust me. It didn’t stop him from betraying me.

“I asked you so many times. I asked you where he was, and you just lied! How could you do that? You just looked at me with a straight face and lied to me. Was Aris laughing each time? Was he telling you what to say?”

Henry’s face reddens. “No. It’s… it wasn’t like that. It was just that he wanted it to be a secret with you.”

Aris wanted it that way. What else did he want?

“Is that why you were with me?” I say quietly. The answer could destroy me, but I have to know; I have to ask. “Did you do it for him?”

“I didn’t have a choice, okay?” says Henry.

Finally, horribly, with a terrible gasp, I understand the meaning of the word heartsick. Heartbreak. There’s no drama about it; it feels like I am actually being ripped in half, and I would die to stop it.

I’ve felt pain before. Disappointment. Of course I have; everyone does. But I thought that I’d defeated it, that I’d felt so much of it at once that I was being given a break. I got arrogant singing my joy, and I didn’t hear what hummed quietly along.

What a horrible lesson to learn.

I let out a sob, quickly covering my mouth with my hand as he goes on. Not finished. How can there be more to say?

He raises his voice now, too. Someone could hear us arguing and come to kill us, and I don’t care.“Aris loved being with you,” says Henry forcefully, willing me to understand. “He was like a dog with a bone.”

“What does that even mean?”

“When I wasn’t around you, he raged in my head. Nonstop yelling, rage and hatred that almost drove me insane. I had to be with you; there was no other option!”

I’m trying to understand, but I just can’t. Aris was stringing him along, so Henry did the same to me? Did he really think that he could invite Aris into himself without consequence? Is he that stupid? How was I that stupid, to stop pressing him, to let it go?

“Why did you even let him in?” I say with a scoff, then shake my head. I don’t care; it isn’t what really matters right now.

Still, the words hang, but he doesn’t answer them. It might help if he could explain it, offer me something, but he is quiet, staring at me patiently.

Waiting for me to gather my wits and reason, but they are gone; I am far past that.

“I’ve never been with anyone before, Henry,” I tell him. “It was special to me.”

I want him to say: It was special to me, too. Our relationship started because of Aris, but I grew to care about you. You, Mary, are special. You matter.

I am giving him the chance to make this right.

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