Page 68 of Interception

I stumble around in the dark, hopping on one foot after smacking it against the bed. “Alexa, turn the fucking lights on.”

I didn’t quite catch that. You have various devices with the word lights.

If it’s possible to think artificial intelligence is a raging cunt, it’s Alexa. “Alexa, turn bedroom lights on.

Okay.

Imagine waking up in the middle of the road in the dead of night, and an eighteen-wheeler shines their high beams in your eyes. That’s how this feels.

“Aiden, Blake, shh. Daddy’s here.”

“They don’t want you. The tiny vampires want to drain me.”

“Hey, beautiful. I’ll bring them over.” Blake is more chill than his brother, so I always pick Aiden up first. He’s a trickster and a demanding little man. It’s amazing to see how different they are in temperament.

I lay Aiden on her chest and take a second to kiss her. We haven’t had a moment to think, eat, or shower. It’s all go, all the time, and if by some miracle they’re both asleep at the same time, you better believe we collapse on the couch or the bed. I actually fell asleep on the toilet the other day. Being startled awake by a screaming baby when you’re on the throne is the only legitimate place you can say you were so startled you shit yourself. Not pretty, but nothing is sacred anymore.

“Love you, beautiful.”

“Love you, too, champ.”

I lift Blake into my arms and take a minute to marvel at his tiny features and the way he sucks on his tongue when he wants to be fed. Everyone says they are my double, but I see Zee in them. Aiden definitely has her spunk, and they both have her eyes.

Blake lets me snuggle him for a few minutes before he gets fussy for his momma. I know it’s time to hand him over when he starts trying to gnaw on my nipples. There’s no milk coming out of there, little buddy.

When the boys are comfy on the feeding cushion, tucked close to their mommy, the room goes quiet once more, and I crawl back into bed, straddling Zee so she can lean her body back on my chest. Even in my state of exhaustion, I love these moments with them. The four of us cuddled up together.

“Coop.”

“Yeah?”

“Are we ever going to sleep again?” It would be funny if she didn’t sound so frazzled and serious.

“Yes. At some point, these guys will give us a break and sleep for a solid four hours between feeds. That’s what the books say.”

“The books lied about so many things. They talk about the joy of natural birth. Scandalous lies. I’m sitting on a rubber ring for my sad and broken wizard’s sleeve. I have spit-up in my hair. I don’t remember the last time I showered, and my nipples feel like someone has taken a cheese grater to them.”

“One of the guys on the team who has five kids told me that he and his wife call the first six weeks after birth, ‘suicide watch.’ That the sleep deprivation had them on the brink of going insane, but it passes. He promised it passes, and you get to enjoy it more. They’ve done it five times, so they must be right. Right?”

She gives a lackluster chuckle. “I think sanity left them a long time ago. Five kids. That’s what you call a glutton for punishment.”

“Plus, we have two babies at once. I don’t know what it’s like only to have one, but I’m making an educated guess that this is harder.”

We sit in silence for a few minutes, listening to the babies’ soft breaths and adorable sucking noises, and all the hard stuff just seems insignificant. “It’s pretty amazing, though. They’re amazing. I didn’t know I had this capacity for love, so much love that I feel like my chest is going to explode, and not just from the overabundance of milk.”

“Yeah. It’s incredible. I’d give my left nut for a full night’s sleep right now, but I wouldn’t change them for the world. I’m in awe of you, Zee. When I see you with them, like this, I seriously wonder what I did to deserve this life I have with the three of you.”

“Well, it was mostly to do with your epic disco stick. And then you kind of grew on me.”

“Like a barnacle. Yeah, you mentioned that. I don’t care if I’m a crusty barnacle, you’re stuck with me now.”

“And happily so.” She lets her head fall back, closing her eyes as the babies feed, resting for a few precious moments. I can’t close my eyes, mesmerized by my own little family. Any tiredness is worth it. I’ll take three minutes of sleep a day if it means I get to be with Zee and the boys.

Zee doesn’t stir when the boys are done feeding. I carefully lift them one at a time, rubbing their backs until they let out a tiny burp, change their diapers as quickly as possible, and then settle them back in their cribs and tuck Zee under the covers.

I ask Alexa to switch off the lights and then take a quick glance at my alarm clock—3:01 a.m. Closing my eyes, I let the exhaustion carry me away to a dreamless sleep, if only for a short while.

I’m catapulted awake an hour and twenty minutes later, ready to go through the same routine again. By the time I get them back down, it’s five in the morning, and I hope beyond hope we can get through to sunrise without another feed, but the boys have other ideas.

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