Page 9 of A Very Fumbling Merry Christmas

Chapter 4

FAITH

“Exactly how manytimes have you watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation?” Hunter’s eyes are just about popping out of their sockets right now.

“It’s my favorite holiday movie. Why?”

“Looks like you bought enough Christmas lights to illuminate the entire neighborhood. Maybe even the entire state.” He’s making fun of me now, but I don’t care. I always vowed that when I had my own house, I’d have lights covering the roof.

“Would you begrudge your wife the chance to fulfill a childhood dream?” I bat my eyelids at him, hamming up my butter-wouldn’t-melt smile.

“God, woman, how do you do that? If I could wrap someone around my finger like that, I’d rule the world.”

“Aww, shucks, you say the sweetest things!” I continue unloading the decorations from the car.

“I guess I better call someone to come put all this up.”

“What? No, we need to do it ourselves. That’s part of the fun. We can rope Coop and Zee into helping us!” His furrowed brow tells me he’s not exactly on board with this plan.

“No dice. One or both of us would break our necks. Have you seen how high the roof is on this place? You can’t walk in a straight line without incident. Do you really think I’d let you up a ladder with Christmas lights?” I don’t have a leg to stand on. He makes a valid point.

“Okay, I’ll concede on the outside décor. But we do all of the inside by ourselves. It won’t be any fun if some interior designer comes in and decorates for us.”

“By no fun, you mean they would make the house the epitome of elegant holiday décor?”

“All I heard there was, blah blah blah, bland Christmas.”

“When did elegance become synonymous with bland?”

“The day you married me. Come on, Hunter, it will be so much fun. We can have trees in all the rooms, garlands round the fireplace, and twinkling lights everywhere. It’ll look great. Trust me.” My plea is falling on deaf ears. He thinks I’m going to create a Christmas decorator’s nightmare, holiday décor Freddy Kruger would be proud of.

“Okay, Faith. I’m trusting you not to turn this place into a clown’s Christmas fiesta.” Part of me wants to make the place completely garish now that he’s thrown down the gauntlet, but I don’t want to ruin Christmas. This is our first holiday season, so I want it to be a time we both can enjoy.

“Now, can you help me unload the rest of this, Mr. Grinch? I’ll reward you in the bedroom later.”

“Well, I don’t know about my heart growing three sizes, but I’m pretty sure I have an appendage that definitely just grew three sizes.”

“Oh my God, I’ll never be able to look at the Grinch the same way ever again. Dirty boy.”

“You love it.”

“I sure do!”

When we finish bringing everything inside, I search through the bags for the first Secret Santa item I purchased. It would be too easy and obvious if it were for Hunter, so I decided on a little something for Zee. I’m going to have it couriered to her right now. I’m hoping she assumes it’s from Coop, but when she figures out it was me, she’s going to pitch a fit. It’s going to be hilarious.

* * *

We’ve been planning on having dinner with Coop and Zee this week. Just low-key at the house, and then maybe going out for drinks after. I’ve been ready and waiting for the past thirty minutes, giddy to see my best friend.

“What’s your deal today? You have that look of mischief in your eyes, Faith. I can spot it a mile away.”

“Nothing. Just happy we’re going to spend some time with our friends.” I let out a maniacal laugh, totally giving myself away. I have a terrible poker face. How am I going to pull off some Secret Santa antics on him if I can’t keep this to myself?

“Spill.”

“Okay, but promise you won’t tell them. It’s in the title, this is supposed to be ‘secret.’” Before I get a chance to spill my guts, the doorbell rings. “They’re here!”

“A word of advice, love… you need to calm down if you want them to have any mystery about whatever the heck you just gifted them.” He follows me to the door, holding it shut with his hand for a moment. “It’s all tactical. You have to assume they are telling each other, so they are coming here knowing that it’s you or me. Take a deep breath and relax your face. You look like the cat that got the cream right now.”

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