Page 23 of A Very Fumbling Merry Christmas

Chapter 8

FAITH

Hunter’s faceis painting a grave picture right now. Not what I’m used to right after he orgasms.

“What’s wrong?”

He wrestles his cock back into his pants before running his hands through his hair the way he does when he’s stressed.

“Look at your dress.” I look down, and I must not be seeing whatever is making him purse his lips and furrow his brow. Sure, it’s ruined, but it was already ruined with half a bottle of red wine from the table I so gracefully destroyed.

“I’m sorry. Was it really expensive? It was such a beautiful dress.”

“I don’t care about the dress, Faith.” I’m distracted by the buzzing viber panties on the floor.

“Is it the panties? I thought they were from you. Obviously not by your reaction at the table.”

“No, it wasn’t me, and it’s not that. How am I going to get you out of here without drawing the attention of the five hundred or so guests who are mingling outside that door? You’re in a torn dress, and you’re full of my cum right now. Where’s that going to go when you have no panties. I don’t relish the idea of my spunk marking the hotel carpet like a snail trail.”

I can’t contain myself. I laugh so hard I’m more worried about peeing myself than of Hunter’s cum spilling out of me.

“Oh my God, that’s hilarious!” He stares at me, dumbfounded.

“How are you so calm right now?”

“Come on! Get it? Cum on. It’s not the end of the world.” I can’t stop laughing. “The visual on that is hysterical. I can just see it now. Me walking out with handfuls of my dress and leaving a trail of cum in my wake. I can just imagine the hashtags now. Lady Cum-ble. Fumble Cum-ble. Lady Jizz. Vulgar Vaughn. Oh, can we make that one Vulva Vaugh? It doesn’t really tie in with the jizz theme, but I like it.”

I finally get a laugh out of him. Mission accomplished.

“Where do you come up with this stuff? We’re not adding any hashtags to your catalog, especially not ones that are related to my spunk. Any other woman would be freaking out right now, but you’re already making fun of yourself. This, right here, is why I fucking love you.”

“Because I don’t mind being caught in public with no underwear and your man juice running down my leg?” I love the sound of his laugh. It speaks to my heart on a molecular level.

“Please don’t ever call it man juice again.”

“What about man milk?” He throws his head back with a full belly laugh, making music to my ears.

“That’s worse!”

“Baby batter? Cock snot? Penis Colada? Yes, I like that. If we walk out and anyone asks, I’ll just tell them I had a few drinks. Slinging back the Penis Colada.”

“I’m going to piss myself if you don’t stop. Holy shit, woman. You have the dirtiest mind, and you come out with stuff that would shock the locker room.”

“Why thank you, kind sir. For your praise, I’ll enjoy your snake spray all the more as it slithers down my inseam.”

“Seriously. We need a plan. This is all shits and giggles, but how am I getting you out of here and into a car?”

“Call Zee. Ask her to go to the gift shop and buy me an outfit. There has to be a gift shop in this joint. Get her to bring some baby wipes as well.” His eyes light up, and he stalks over to me, planting a mind-altering kiss on my lips.

“You’re a fucking genius.”

“It was the cock snot that sealed it, right?”

“I love you, Faith Vaughn. Life will never be boring with you around.”

“Damn straight.”

With my superior intelligence agreed on, Hunter pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials Zee’s number.

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