Page 37 of No More Jocks

One afternoon, after an especially tough practice, Coach pulled me aside. “Marcus, I’ve seen the way you’ve been pushing yourself. Keep it up.

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I won’t let you down, Coach.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “I know you won’t.”

The evening before the championship game, I found myself standing outside Caleb’s house. I hesitated for a moment before knocking on the door. When he answered, his expression was a mix of surprise and something else—maybe hope?

“Marcus, what are you doing here?” he asked.

“I needed to see you,” I said, my voice shaking slightly. “I know you need space, but I just wanted to say thank you. For everything. You’ve been my rock, even when I didn’t deserve it.”

Caleb smiled softly. “You’re doing great, Marcus. Just keep pushing. I believe in you.”

Hearing those words from him meant the world to me. We stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, before I finally pulled him into a hug. “I miss you,” I whispered.

“I miss you too,” he replied. I looked into his eyes and then without looking to see if anyone was around. I kissed him. This was a special kiss. It was the first time I kissed him in public without caring what anyone else thought. As I left his house that night, I felt a renewed sense of determination.

A tantalizing and mouthwatering smell awakened me. My mother was home and we hadn’t had a conversation since the night of the arrest. I was dreading this day. I hadn’t seen my mother because she was at a conference out of town for over two weeks and I’d been staying over Kim’s place to avoid the awkward conversation we were going to have. I’d also been ignoring her calls.

I could smell the aroma of her blueberry pancakes percolating throughout the house. I knew she would be furious with me because I’d never disrespected her in my eighteen years of being in her home in front of anyone else, and I’d never ignored her calls and been blatantly disobedient.

I came downstairs expecting a verbal tongue-lashing, but she turned around, opened her arms wide, and hugged me.

“I’m not happy about you ignoring my calls and not coming home the other night, but I’m glad you’re okay.” She was crying and holding me so tight that I thought something was wrong with her.

“I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to be rude. I needed some space,” I replied.

“Space from me?”

“Yes, I just didn’t want to be judged.”

“Marcus, I’m not trying to judge you. I’m trying to keep you from getting in trouble. I care about your dreams and goals. I put strict rules in place so you wouldn’t get arrested. These fast-tailed girls are out here trying to trap handsome boys like you, and I’m just trying to ensure you don’t make the same mistakes I made. Having children at a young age is difficult.” If I was going to be with Caleb, she was going to have to know now that Brandon knew. I guess it was only fair to tell her.

“Mom, can we talk in a non-judgmental way?”

“Oh, Lord, you out here having sex and got some girl pregnant?”

“Mom, please have a seat. So, I can explain.” She sat down on the kitchen chair. I grabbed her hand and held it. Waves of emotion washed over me, and tears burned in my eyes.

“What’s wrong, baby?” I looked down at the floor, afraid to see her reaction if I looked her in the eye.

“Mom, I’m in love with a guy. I know you believe it’s wrong, and I know it’s against what the Bible teaches, but I’ve tried everything to suppress this feeling, and it won’t go away.” A deafening silence infused the room.

I waited for her to respond and slowly lifted my head. When our eyes met, she got up from the table and left the kitchen without saying a word. I expected her to pray for me or scold me, but she didn’t. Instead, she returned to the table with her Bible in hand.

I knew this shit was going to happen. I should have just kept this to myself.

She opened it up and pushed the book toward me. I didn’t even look at the scripture because I knew it was the one in Leviticus that says we men shouldn’t lie with other men, but to my surprise, it was different. It was Matthew 22:37-40. It talked about loving God and loving others.

“Marcus, I’m a mother before I am a Christian, and it would be inhumane of me not to love you over something you can’t control. I love you no matter what your sexual orientation is.

There are too many kids out here killing themselves over this, and I’d rather have a happy son who was a part of the LGBT community than a dead one who wasn’t a part of any community at all.” She stood up and hugged me, and I cried on her shoulder like a big baby.

“I thought you would kick me out and disown me.”

“Baby, you could kill a man, and I’d help you bury the body. You’re my baby, and I’ll never disown you. But what you will not do is have sex in my house.”

“Of course not, Mom,” I replied. I vowed never to divulge the sinfulness Caleb and I committed upstairs.

“So, is there someone you’re dating or want to introduce me to?”

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