Page 4 of Firecracker

Chapter Two

Over the last couple of weeks, I filled my time with lots of preparing, moving schedules around and overall planning. Izzy has called every day checking to make sure I wasn’t going to back out, and with my aunt’s help, we made it happen. I leave today, and I’m so nervous, feeling on edge about everything that I feel sick to my stomach. I pray Brody doesn’t flip out or lose it in front of Isabella while I’m gone. I know my daughter is in good hands with my aunt and his folks, but it scares me what Brody will do once he sees the papers.

Brody is scheduled to fly home tomorrow, but I don’t know what time. My plan is to be in New York before he even lands in Los Angeles. As always, he never tells me when he is actually flying in. Before it was always to surprise me, but as of late, I think it is to catch me off guard. I’m clear headed and determined to end this with him. I just need him to understand that it is truly over. Once he does, we can start the process of the divorce.

“Mama?” Bella says in a whisper.

I reply, “Yes, baby girl,” while turning to face her sitting next to my suitcase. Once I see she is upset, I drop my toiletries and move toward her saying, “Bella bug, what’s wrong?”

I know what’s wrong, but I still have to ask. Trying to hold it together myself, I pick her up hugging her tight against my chest. I’m just as upset about leaving her as she is of me leaving but I need to stay strong. This isn’t my first time leaving her for a long weekend. But under these circumstances, we are both freaking out, and it’s breaking my heart, because it’s different, and she knows it.

“Bug, I’ll be back in a few days. You’re going to have so much fun with Daddy while I’m gone that you won’t even miss me. I promise. Mama just needs to see Auntie and have some adult time.” Still holding her, I sit down on the bed and lean back to look at her face.

She isn’t crying which is a good sign, but the sad look on her face guts me.

“Mama, Daddy is going to miss you too.”

I smile. “I know, little bug, but Daddy needs his Bella time. He has been gone for a long time and wants to spend time with you.” I grab her small hands that are clasped around my neck and bring them in front of my face to kiss them.

“Plus, I’ll be home in a couple days, and we’ll have time to see each other before Daddy takes off again.”

I know my daughter is smart and somewhat gets what is going on but hopefully, Brody doesn’t make things worse this weekend. I haven’t talked ill of him or said anything bad about him to anyone.

“Bu-but I want to go see An-tee Iz too. Why can’t I go?”

I touch her nose. “We’ve talked about this. Mama needs some adult time, and with Daddy home, I can go have some. Daddy’s home from work and he really wants his time with you.”

And, just like that her face changes, lighting up with a smile. “I can’t wait to see Daddy.”

I hug her so she doesn’t see the hurt and sadness in my face. “See you won’t even miss me.”

* * *

I leave Bella with my aunt and hitch a cab to the airport. I’ve made it through security and I’m now in a bathroom stall crying. Anxiety is a bitch, and she’s choking the shit out of me. Crying like a fucking baby, I fight with myself, ‘should I go or should I stay’ constantly second guessing my decisions.

When I hear my phone, I scream, “Answer the phone!” I know it’s Izzy calling.

I try to clear my throat before answering and before I can say anything I hear Izzy singing, “Ruby Rue, where are you?” using the theme song from Scooby Doo. It always makes me laugh.

My laugh sounds somewhat normal. Hoping to mask how I’m feeling.

“Girl, are you at the airport? How are you doing? You better not be crying in the fucking bathroom.”

Damn, this girl knows me. Soul sister’s for life.

I answer all her questions with a shaky giggle. “Yes. Not good. Yes.”

Izzy gets quiet and says in a serious tone, “I got you, Rube. Just get here, and let me help you find yourself again. It's just a few days of music, fun, and no drama. Now, are you out of the stall yet and on your way to the gate?”

Laughing, I stand up from the toilet I’ve been sitting on and move toward the sink.

“Because if not I’ll stay on this phone until you do.”

“Yes, I’m at the mirror cleaning my face. See you in a few hours,” I reply.

* * *

The plane ride was good but filled with more anxiety.

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