Page 153 of His Big Bad Stick

“I always appreciate your honesty.”

“Forget the paperwork, what’s on your mind? I can see it all over your face, Abrielle. You’d be a terrible poker player.”

“Good thing I’m not playing poker,” I snap.

Jess leans back.

It’s the first time I’ve been a bitch to her. Ever.

“Sorry,” I say.

“Don’t be. What’s up?”

“Colver caught me.”

“Caught you…?”

“Last night… when he got home from the hockey game… I was on the couch…”

“Oh,” Jess says. “So? Everyone masturbates, Abrielle. It’s not a big deal at all. You were watching hockey and decided to play with yourself.”

“What? No! I wasn’t masturbating!”

I’ve said that loud enough to get the attention of the handful of people in the coffeeshop.

Great.

Now my face is red hot.

“What were you doing then?” Jess asks.

“Looking for a place to live,” I say.

“Oh?”

“Jess, I don’t know what we are. Colver and I. But I know that the current living situation isn’t going to work for a baby.”

“Got it,” she says. “So you were maybe fantasizing a little. And then he came home and saw it. Freaked him out?”

“I don’t know. He carried me to bed and-”

Jess groans. “Sorry, but that’s so sexy. A big, strong hockey player carrying you to bed.”

“Yes. I know. And then he tucked me in.”

“Stop. I can’t hear any more of this or else I will grow to resent you and hate you.”

“Jess.”

“I’m joking around,” she says as she stands up. “You two are in an interesting position. I don’t have any advice for you. My longest relationship is actually with my vibrator. And the one before that. Want to hear something pathetic?”

“Sure.”

“When my last vibrator died, I actually got upset. I cried a little. I even had a little funeral for it. No kidding. I put it into a fancy little box. Lit candles.”

“What…”

“You think I’m nuts. See? Dammit. I’m a weird person.”

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