Page 48 of An Empress of Fire & Steel

She hadn’t ridden in years; she had stopped around fifteen after suffering a break in her arm and had never gotten back to it. She had loved being at the Mossgrave stables, so not returning had been a decision she deeply regretted now that she was older.

“It takes some getting used to,” he agreed. “You will be sorer tonight than when you had your first training session with the clan.”

She giggled, fighting back the chittering of her teeth. “I don’t think that is possible.”

“Here,” he said, taking the reins from her hands. “It’s my turn again.” His arm muscles made her feel like she had a wall around her to keep out the chill of the wind. She quickly put her hands into her cloak and cringed at how cold they were. After a few moments of wrapping her hands in the cloak, they began to tingle back to life, and she let herself relax further into the saddle, easing the ache on the base of her straightened spine.

“You don’t have to take the reins for long,” she said, her breath swirling out of her mouth like smoke. “I can take them when my fingers feel alive again.”

“And if I protest against that, will you listen to me?”

“Absolutely not.”

“I didn’t think so.” He laughed. It was nice to feel something warm against her neck, even if it was only for a second. “Tell me, why are you so stubborn?”

“Why are you so stubborn?” she countered. They had a history of repeating the question the other had just asked to see who caved and answered first. “I have a feeling you always get your own way, but I don’t understand why people give in to you.”

“I never get my own way with you,” he said bluntly, and she wondered what he actually thought of her.

She had to disagree with him out loud, even if, internally, she did agree. Emara didn’t know why she felt the dying need to always challenge him, but she did.

His voice broke through the silence between them. “I am stubborn because I don’t like having my decisions made for me. I have never really had a choice in anything I have done. Being born a hunter, my training, my childhood—even as an adult, my decisions are made for me daily. When I work, what I do, when I train, what I eat, who I will spend the rest of my life with…” She tried her hardest not to stiffen at the thing he said last. He was right. He didn’t have a lot of choices. A little burn in her chest made itself known.

“So I am stubborn in the choices I can make because I can make them,” he continued. “I don’t need to compromise with them the way I do with everything else. Am I selfish to want something my own way?” She could hear in the build up of his voice that it was more of a statement than a question, but she answered it anyway.

“No, you’re not,” she said softly, thinking over all the decisions that had been made for her in her life. They had one more thing in common. “I think you must be brave, every day, to allow people to make life choices for you,” she admitted, and he tensed behind her, his muscled arms locking her in. She looked ahead at the trees of the forest, ignoring them. “It is something I struggle with a lot, and I didn’t realise that until I came here. I haven’t really had the opportunity to make my own choices in life, and I am not really sure if I will get to make any of my own decisions from now on.”

The only tell-tale sign that he was still on the horse was the feeling of his heartbeat against her back.

“You will get to make more decisions than you think.” He shifted, gripping the reins a little tighter.

“But what if none of what I am being offered is what I want?” Her voice sounded higher than usual. “What if the things I am to decide between are not what I truly want at all?” Her heartbeat quickened at the thought of it all, the thought of the truth. “What if I don’t like being a leader who needs to make important decisions to best my people?” she whispered.

Torin took a moment before he answered. “You are the kind of woman who will not stop until she has what she wants, Emara. What you need to remember is that you are the one in control of the decisions you make, even if what is being presented in front of you is not fully what you wanted. You can still decide. You have the power to alter things now.” His words swirled past her ear, and she looked down at his hands on the reins. They were full of marks and scars that proved that he had spent a lot of time with weapons and training. And she thought about how one hand had rested on her hip last night, heavy and tempting.

She deliberated in her head about what to say back, but the words died on her tongue.

“Emara.” Something in his voice pulled her spine together, tightening every muscle connected to it.

Mother God, what is he going to say?

“I will not go through with the alliance if that is something you want to reject. I would”—he paused and Emara felt dizzy—“I would rather suffer the consequences of my commander than make you feel like that was your only option. I won’t do it.”

If Torin’s arms had not been a strong wall around her body, Emara would have fallen from the horse. Her mouth dried and emotion swelled in her throat. He would defy his commander just so that she would have a choice.

Was Torin Blacksteel selfless?

“I will not put that pressure on you. I want to give you back that choice,” he added.

Her heart felt like it was being pulled from side to side, up and down. She had not been prepared for that, not in a million moons. Her mind whirled endlessly.

“Torin,” Emara breathed, not meaning for her emotion to mirror his, but it did. She couldn’t hide it.

She would be entirely grateful to the Gods that she could not see his face as this conversation took place; if she could see his ocean blue eyes, she was sure it would be the end of her.

“I would never let you suffer the consequences of that.” She bowed her head, looking at the wiry wool of her cloak. “Not after everything you have done for me. I wouldn’t let you pull away from an alliance that your clan has offered my coven. I know what that means for you, for your family.”

It meant exile from the clan or punishment that inevitably led to death. Naya had told her all about it. She would never allow for that to happen, and she didn’t want to give Viktir the opportunity to hurt Torin more than he already did.

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