Page 119 of An Empress of Fire & Steel

Even if it caused a crushing anxiety to spread through her, she was grateful.

Kellen looked over at her for a long moment before his lips parted. “You probably know more of my reality than most, empress.” His voice was lower than she had ever heard it before, the truth pulling at every word and weighing it down. Emara could tell he was extremely uneasy with the information he had disclosed about himself but, in the same breath, she realised he’d had to warn her. If she was unsafe, the likelihood was that her guards were too, regardless of their training. It was a threat to everyone.

“I will not betray your trust, Kellen.” Emara’s hands shook as she tried to gather herself.

“I know,” he said, “or I would never have come tonight.” His blunt honesty was something she respected. He cleared his throat. “You seem to be closer to my brothers than I will ever be. And yet, I can only assume you haven’t told them what you saw of me at the Uplift, since I have not been exiled from the clan with gaping wounds.”

She flinched at the visual that took place in her mind.

“I have not spoken of it,” she finally managed to whisper, “to a single soul.”

It was strange to see his youthful features take on a more mature look as he spoke. “You could have exposed a part of me that night.” He shook his head, his forehead creasing. “Not even my own mother knows that about me. But instead, you bought me time to get out of there.” His eyes fluttered. “Why?”

She thought over his question before answering, “I did not have to question my actions that night. And I would make the same decision again.” Her chin raised. “Because to me, there are no issues with who your heart wants, be that female, male, or anything in between. If you are choosing love, it shouldn’t matter who your heart gravitates towards.” She looked him in the eye as she spoke her own truths. “I heard what you said about what the clan would do to you, if they found out.” A little disgust crept in at the thought of them hurting him, but she tried her best to hide it. “I would never have forgiven myself if that had happened to you on my behalf. Your heart is not mine to expose, nor is your truth. I may be naive to the world of hunters and witches, or even all things magical, but I am not naive to know what is right and what is wrong in the world.” She stopped as Kellen straightened his spine. “And what they would have done to you is wrong. You should not be made to feel like you cannot show who you really are.”

“That’s the catch, though, Emara,” he said quickly. “I will never be able to show who I really am. Two massive parts of who I am are locked away in the deepest, darkest pits of my soul, where they need to remain.” His hands shook. “And I have to be okay with never unlocking them. I have to pretend they are not there, clawing and scratching to get out.” A tear fell from his blue eye, sliding down his cheek. “Because if I reveal who I am, what I am, my fate is worse than all the pretending and suffering in the shadows alone. I would never put that shame on my family name.”

In that moment, between her and Kellen, Emara realised that not all hunters wore a mask of confidence and bravery, but one that was made up of oppression and secrecy. Kellen was made to feel like he should be ashamed of who he was, but he would wear the mask of a proud hunter even if it destroyed who he was on the inside, even if his duty didn’t like the colours of what painted his soul bright and beautiful.

Emara’s heart broke into several different pieces.

He should not be ashamed or made to feel wrong because his heart fell a certain way. He should not have to hide a side of him that he had adopted from his mother’s genes just because it did not fall under his hunting qualities. Who he was did not compromise or take away his abilities as a warrior of Thorin. It didn’t change him as a person. It shouldn’t. It should be a part of him that was accepted without question.

But it wasn’t.

Anger burned up Emara’s throat, eating away at every part of her that was sad for him. It turned into something else entirely.

“You should never be ashamed of who you are,” she said, fiery passion fighting its way onto her tongue. “For what it is worth, I think who you are is beautiful and brave.”

He looked up at her incredulously. “How…how can you say that?”

“I am not just saying it, I mean it.” A steely tone slid into place, the tone of an empress. “I do not look at you like you are something immoral, and you shouldn’t either. You are just the same as Torin and Gideon regardless of what preference they have. As a matter of fact, I see you as more courageous and valiant than they will ever be.” Tears poured into his beautiful eyes. “You square up to a darkness and prejudice that they will never understand. It makes me so incredibly angry at the world that you even have to hide yourself.” She closed the space between them. “But I want you to know that”—she took his hand—“you are not alone. You are not wrong for having feelings for someone who isn’t who you ever thought you would love.” A chord struck in her own heart. “You should never feel dishonour.” His chin trembled as the tears escaped his eyes, but he made no sound. He even cried like a true hunter. “You should feel proud of your bravery and resilience in a world full of hate and outdated values.”

He intertwined his fingers around hers and bowed deeply. He didn’t kiss her hand, but he held her tight.

“You have a pure heart, Emara,” Kellen said. “And maybe one day you will be part of my family. I would be honoured.”

An overwhelming rush hit her at what he said, and her throat closed shut.

Part of my family.

“You don’t deserve the darkness that is headed your way.” He shook his head.

Emara’s guts dipped and twisted at his words, and it was her turn to grip his hand.

“But just so you know, when that time comes, you are not alone either.” He nodded officially and his fingers left hers. “I will fight with you in any way I can. I am certainly not as skilled as my brothers in combat, but I know how to fight. I know how to guard something with my life.”

Her hand fell heavily against her side, and she uncurled the curve in her spine, finally finding the strength to stand without shaking. “It seems that we both have a world of uncertainty in front of us, Kellen Blacksteel.”

They both stared at one another for a moment before Kellen spoke, finally looking more like himself. “That we may. But one thing I know for certain: after seeing your heart in this light, the Blacksteel Hunting Clan needs someone as forward-thinking as you to stand beside their commander.”

In matrimony, in an alliance, in oath.

Emara knew what Kellen had left out in the unsaid words between them. When the time came for Torin to be appointed commander, when Viktir was gone and the new age was brought in, he wanted someone like her to be behind him, backing him, keeping him level-headed. But what was more, the clan needed someone who would bring forth change and open-mindedness, someone who could challenge and crack ancient views of how the clans were run, shattering them entirely. He longed for someone to bring in a new way for hunters to be raised, someone who would create a safer world for people like himself.

Something connected within her, deep and unchanging. It was like the mountains moved under her and her soul rattled. Could she be the one to make the world a safer place, not just to the humans of the world, but for the hunters and the witches of the world who were viewed differently?

For the women of the world who wanted to wield a sword and not a knitting needle without being challenged? For girls to wear fashion for themselves, and not for men? For the oppressed to feel liberated? For power to rise and for a woman to be behind that energy?

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