Page 111 of An Empress of Fire & Steel

Emara shifted on her feet. “I just wish—”

“That they were not brothers by blood?” Sybil finished her sentence.

Emara nodded, clasping her hands together so tightly that her skin strained, and a sickness climbed in her throat.

“Your heart does not feel guilty of what it desires, only your head.” Sybil’s voice was smooth and wise, the way Naya’s was. It was such an earthy trait, she realised, and one she admired. “Once your head gets around the technicalities of your heart, you will be able to forgive yourself. Don’t be so hard on your heart, Emara. It’s sometimes the only truthful thing you will find in this life.”

Emara looked up at the girl she now considered a friend and let out a sigh. “I thought my whole life that I would fall in love with someone like Gideon.” She hesitated. “I had always wanted someone kind and sensible, someone who was reliable and loving. Someone who would give me that…feeling of security. I think losing my parents so young, I had trouble trusting the world, the fate of my path.” Her cheeks pulled in. “I always looked for someone stable, but in Mossgrave, stability was the only thing a husband offered. And I couldn’t stand the thought of that small village life. I couldn’t stand settling for just stability. After a short period of knowing Gideon, I thought it could have been him. You know, he has the stability, but there is also that edge to him, that warmth, that passion. I thought he could have given me that and more. He was kind, tentative, and patient. I believed he could have given me everything I ever wanted in someone.”

Sybil’s brow smoothed out as she walked towards Emara. “Are you trying to tell me that Torin Blacksteel is none of those things?”

The fact that Sybil said his name out loud sent her heart into her mouth. The question stunned her, even though she had pondered it more than enough for herself.

“I would hardly call Torin Blacksteel sensible,” she said.

They both laughed.

“I am not going to lie to you.” Sybil snuffed a laugh, but then her face straightened. “I knew who Torin Blacksteel was before I came here, and before Gideon became my guard.” She looked over at Emara, “I knew of Gideon too. Anyone who is someone in the Kingdom of Caledorna knows of the infamous Blacksteels. But I do find myself surprised.”

“In what way?” Emara couldn’t hide the intrigue from her tone.

“Pleasantly.” She raised a brow. “With both of them.” She loitered near the chair that was close to the table of feathers Emara had been trying to move for an hour. “The way he declared his vows to you at the ceremony of our ascension.” She swooned, blowing out a low whistle. “He has it bad for you, Emara Clearwater.”

Emara laughed, her heart swelling as much as her throat. “I think he was just trying to take over. He loves attention.” Heat rushed into her cheeks, knowing well he didn’t do it for any of the reasons she had just stated.

“No, don’t play it down. I know what I saw.” The slight witch batted her lashes, and the freckles danced along her cheeks as she smiled a little. “What we all saw. And it was more than just his vow to protect you as your guard.”

Emara knew that.

He had already told her how he felt about her, and it had rattled her soul to the core.

Emara blinked a few times. “Before I was the Air Empress, the commander of the Blacksteel Clan promised his firstborn son to my coven.” She stopped speaking, her chest feeling a little tighter. “And the Empress of Air was promised to him in an alliance forged by marriage.”

Sybil’s fingertips drummed on the wooden chair she hovered over. “And you’re scared that an alliance is all you are to him?”

Emara’s shoulders slumped as she chewed the inside of her cheek. She hadn’t even noticed how much she had been tensing until now. “I don’t know, it’s more complicated than just admitting feelings for each other and then living happily ever after. I don’t want an alliance for just artillery, and I know he doesn’t want a bride who will raise wards and create portals just because she can.”

Not that she could do that either. Yet.

Sybil walked over and placed a hand on Emara’s shoulder, and instantly, a sweet wave of calm projected through her. “I am sorry, but you needed that.” She smiled. “I could see the tension creeping into your forehead, and my grandmother always told me that my forehead would stay that way if I kept frowning.”

Emara laughed, really laughed. “Mine too,” she gasped. “She told me I wouldn’t fare well if I made such un-ladylike faces.”

They both chuckled for a moment more, and then it died on the air.

“What Torin did at the ascension, Emara, declaring that in front of everyone…” she said, her leaf-coloured eyes bright. “That is not a declaration of someone who is settling for something he isn’t ready to die for.” She placed a hand to her heart. “And it is evidently not just because of his duty to keep you safe or thinking about his clan requirements. It’s more than that.”

“What if it’s not real?” Emara said, when what she really wanted to ask was what if I am not enough?

“What if it is real?” Sybil countered. Emara’s heart pounded in her chest, her magic thrumming in her veins at the thought of it being real. “It looks real to me. There are so many things in life that you can force or fake, but true love is not one of them.”

True love.

“I didn’t say I loved him.”

“You didn’t have to.” Sybil smiled gently, her curls bounding around her like a fiery sunset. “I am a healer. I can feel what lies in your heart by just being with you. I think you are scared to get hurt, I think you are terrified of what you feel for him because you know it is bottomless. But you shouldn’t be scared.”

Emara pulled her lip between her teeth and looked towards the bundle of feathers sitting on a limestone table, ignoring her friend’s last statement.

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