I let him lead me up the stairs and into our bedroom. Aaron drops my things on the bed, and I’m careful not to look at it for fear that it might flood my mind with memories of Hunter’s. I offered to strip the bed before I left, but he told me to leave it. That he’d take care of it. Him refusing to let me help him clean up the mess we made together made me feel even shittier than before.
And here I am, sinking even lower into the abyss of self-loathing because Aaron hasn’t just drawn me a bath, he’s covered the bathroom floor with rose petals and filled the tub with bubbles. He’s sat a small table next to the tub and placed a bottle of wine and two wine glasses on top of it.
He’s created a beautiful, thoughtful, special moment that I don’t deserve.
“Aaron.” I cover my mouth with my free hand, shaking my head as I look at him. He smiles again, his gaze filled with pride.
“Do you like it?”
“I—I don’t deserve it.”
He frowns and moves behind me, laying a kiss on my neck. “Don’t be silly, babe. Of course, you do.”
“Aaron, I?—”
“Shhh.” He stops me in the middle of my thought, bringing his hands to the straps of my dress and pushing them down until the fabric is lying at our feet. He repeats the process with my underwear, and then smacks my ass gently. “Get in the tub, baby. Let me take care of you.”
I do what he asks because I don’t know how not to, and when I sink down into the water, he pours a glass of wine and hands it to me.
“Thank you,” I croak.
“You’re welcome,” he says, pouring himself a glass and taking a seat on the edge of the tub. “Tell me about your weekend.”
I stutter and stumble my way through a summary of my time at Hunter’s house, making sure to leave out the conversation on his patio the first night and everything that happened after we spent the whole day in the pool on Saturday. Aaron listens intently, which is unnerving because I’m worried about what he might see, but also because I’m just not used to having his undivided attention anymore.
“Sounds like you guys had a nice time.”
I take a sip of my wine and nod before narrowing my eyes at him. “What’s going on, Aaron?”
He sits his glass down on the table and chuckles, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Isn’t it obvious?”
My poor heart, which at this point has spent more time racing than beating normally, starts to pound, and panic sends my eyes flying all around the bathroom looking for the ring box he’s presented to me three times before. Each time, I’ve said no because saying yes didn’t feel right, but today I’m afraid that I’ll say yes just because I’m feeling guilty.
“I’m trying to apologize,” Aaron says.
“Apologize?”
“Yes, baby. I’ve been a complete and total dick to you. When I was in Atlanta this weekend, all I could think about was how much I missed you, how much I’ve fucked up over the past few months.” He reaches for my free hand, and I let him take hold of it, allowing him to bring it to his lips. “I know that I haven’t been the man you fell in love with. I’ve been petty and selfish and jealous, and how could I not be? You have so much history with Hunter, and now you have this relationship you’re building with him that’s based around the most important person in your world, and I was scared there wasn’t going to be room in any of that for me.”
This is the most honest and vulnerable Aaron has been with me in a long time, and I hate that it’s coming now, when I’ve already done something that could ruin us. Something that will hurt him when he finds out, and he’s going to find out because I’m going to tell him. I hadn’t decided before just now if I was going to come clean today, but I know now that I have to. There have been too many walls up between Aaron and me, too many things left unsaid, and if he can be honest and own his fuck ups, then I can too.
I reach over and place my glass of wine on the ledge of the tub on my other side. “Aaron, I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” he asks, his eyes filled with earnest while mine brim with tears that I swipe away because now isn’t the time to shed them.
“I slept with Hunter.”
Silence descends on us as my words register with Aaron. They settle on his head and trickle down into his ears, spilling onto his shoulders and rolling down the line of his arm to his fingers that are still cradling mine. The connection is short lived, severed with a decisive slice as Aaron releases me and pushes to his feet, starting to pace immediately.
Water sloshes around as I stand, reaching for the robe hanging on the hook next to the tub. It’s brand new, another heartfelt gesture from the man I’ve just shattered with my words.
“Aaron, please say something,” I plead, tying the robe tight around my waist.
He pauses, turning to me slowly with crossed arms and crazed eyes. “You slept with Hunter?”
“Yes, but it was—” Despite using the word with Hunter to describe what transpired between us last night, I can’t bring myself to say it was a mistake to Aaron. I knew what I was doing. Hunter gave me ample opportunity to stop, but I kept going. I let him keep going. “I’m sorry. That’s not what this weekend was supposed to be about, but it happened, and I don’t want to lie to you about it.”
“Well, thanks for your honesty,” he scoffs. “How many times?”