Page 59 of Reclaim Me

It’s still on my mind at the end of the meeting when Will calls me up to receive my chip, when Indigo slaps me on the ass and whoops loudly as I walk up to the podium, when I stand behind that podium, with the chip clutched in my fingers, and find her in the crowd. Indigo had insisted on sitting beside me, taking up a space in the rows reserved for addicts, while Rae stood towards the back of the room by the table with all the coffee and snacks.

Now that I’m up here, she doesn’t seem to be able to look away from me, which is fine because I can’t look away from her either.

“As many of you know, I hate public speaking,” I say, smiling ruefully. “But I’m a fan of speaking up when there’s something that needs to be said, and tonight, I need to say thank you to someone special.” My gaze is still on Rae, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see Indigo shifting in her seat, the lines of her body fraught with anticipation. “Someone who has been by my side for the past four years, whose graceful steps and compassion have carved a path for me lined with love and acceptance, who’s made it possible for me to be standing in front of you all today. Clean. Whole. Happy.” Even from this distance, I can see the tears well up in Rae’s eyes. They make her irises glossy, shimmering with emotion. “Rae—” There’s a sharp intake of breath from the section where I left Indigo sitting, and I don’t have to look to know it’s from her. She must be pissed, but now that I’ve started, I have to finish. “Rae,” I say again, swallowing past the lump of emotion in my throat. “I never had a best friend until you came along. I never knew what it meant to be witnessed in all my imperfections and faults and still be loved, so this” —I hold the chip up in the air, a silent toast to the person who means more to me than anything in this world—“this isn’t just for me. It’s for us, for everything we are and everything we’ll become.”

A single tear slips down Rae’s cheek as I finish, and even though I want to go to her, to scoop her up in front of everyone and kiss her like she belongs to me, I don’t. I return to my seat to the sound of scattered applause. As soon as I’m seated, Indigo clutches my hand and plants a smacking kiss on my cheek.

“You did so good, baby,” she says loudly, as if she’s trying to remind everyone, including me, that I’m here with her. Not wanting to embarrass her by pulling away, I give her a tight smile and turn my attention to Will, who’s now cracking some joke about me delivering a whole monologue despite my aversion to being the center of attention. Everyone laughs, and we wrap the meeting on a good note a few minutes later.

When it’s done, everyone comes up to me and congratulates me on making four years, and while I’m grateful for the well wishes, I’m eager to make my way out of the basement and find Rae. Indigo clings to me as we climb the steps that lead to the parking lot, her hand in mine, a weight I can’t bear to carry anymore. When we get to my truck, Rae is there with Will and his sponsor, Nate—an older Black man with a kind smile and hard eyes.

“Everything okay?” I ask, noting the concerned look on Nate and Rae’s faces.

“I think I tweaked my back at work,” Will says, wincing in pain.

“You should go to the ER,” Rae replies, rolling her eyes when he waves her off.

“Nah, I’m good. I just need to go home and ice it.”

“You sure, Will?” Nate asks.

“I can take you to the ER,” I offer, already digging out my keys.

“No. No.” Will shakes his head. “You’ve got reservations at Hill House, and I’m not going to let you miss them.”

“Hill House?” This, from Indigo, who can’t read a room to save her fucking life. “I love Hill House.”

“Then you and Hunter should go,” Rae says, barely containing the urge to roll her eyes. “I’ll ride with Nate, and we’ll take Will to the ER.”

“I’m not going to the ER!” Will insists, a little more forcefully than necessary. Everyone’s brows rise in surprise, but Rae is the one who gives him the ‘who the fuck are you talking to’ look that makes him take a deep breath before trying again. “I’m sorry for yelling, but I don’t have any interest in going to the hospital and racking up five thousand dollars in medical bills just for them to tell me what I already know and write a prescription I won’t use. I pulled a muscle at work, and I’ll be fine after I spend the night cuddled up with my heating pad.” He straightens as best as he can and places a hand on Nate’s shoulder. “Now, I’m going to get Nate here to take me home. You three,”—he waves a hand to indicate Rae, Indigo, and me— “go ahead and head out because your reservation is at eight.”

“Oh, no, I’m not—” Rae starts, but Will holds up a hand to silence her.

“Rachel Renee Prince, you’ve been looking forward to the crème brûlée at Hill House all week, and we’re not going to let a little back pain stop you from getting it, so get in the car, have a nice night, and bring me some home.”

There’s an authoritative boom to his voice that leaves no space for argument, so we don’t argue. Rae and I watch Will hobble off with Nate at his side while Indigo claps her hands.

“I really do love Hill House!”

Awkward.

That’s the only word for the dinner Will ordered us to have at Hill House. He couldn’t have known it was going to be like this, or maybe he did know, and he faked back pain to get out of it. Maybe I should have faked back pain, too, or pulled out the oldest trick in the book and said my stomach was hurting.

Anything not to be sitting at this table in between Indigo, who can’t stop talking, and Rae, who hasn’t said a word to anyone but the waitress.

“Baby, you have to try this salmon,” Indigo gushes. “The cream sauce is to die for.”

“He’s lactose intolerant,” Rae blurts, surprising herself and Indigo. She’s been so quiet, I think the girl actually forgot she was here.

“It’s not an intolerance,” I reply, and while I maintain that it’s true, I don’t take a bite of Indigo’s salmon.

“Oh.” Indigo shrugs, taking the bite for herself. She chews thoroughly and swallows before turning her attention from me to Rae. “So, I didn’t realize Rae was short for Rachel.”

“Yep,” Rae says, pulling in a breath that screams impatience. She hates it when people use her full name.

“That’s cool. Are you excited about returning to New York?”

Rae looks at me. Her brows arched in a way that asks me to get Indigo off her case, but I shrug like I’m helpless because I want to know the answer to that question too. The call to come back for another round of auditions with the American Ballet Theatre came in the day after the kiss, and Rae was so excited she screamed loud enough for everyone in the house, which unfortunately included Indigo, to hear. Despite her initial outward display of excitement, we haven’t talked about it much since then. We haven’t talked about much of anything since then, and I welcome the chance to hear the joy in her voice, even if Indigo is the reason why.

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