Page 31 of Reclaim Me

“Why not? If you can question my choices, I can question yours. Or does it not work both ways?” I cock my head to the side in a gesture that is all sass and outrage, and Aaron shakes his head, clearly disapproving of my indignation.

“I’m asking questions about a decision you’ve yet to make, and you’re bringing up stuff that’s been decided for a long time now. I’m paying my mom’s bills because she is on a fixed income and deserves to be able to do what she wants with what little money she has. We bought a five-bedroom house because we decided that we were going to start a family here in New Haven.”

Everything about his answer pisses me off, but I only have the mental capacity to address the last part.

“Start a family? We already have a family, Aaron. You, me, and Riley are a family.”

I leave Marcy out of it because…fuck Marcy.

Aaron’s brows dip together. “You know what I mean, Rae.”

“No, I don’t think I do. Please elaborate.”

We both know that we’re walking down a path that spells disaster for the rest of our night, but Aaron can’t turn us around, and I don’t want to.

He licks his lips, racking his brain for the best way to deliver the bullshit on his tongue. “I love Riley, you know that.” I nod even though sometimes I question it. Even though their bond is nothing like I thought it would be after seven years of him being in her life. She doesn’t even call him Dad even though he’s the only father figure that’s ever been in her life, and he doesn’t seem bothered by it, which is weird considering his recent push to have me call Marcy Mom. “But,” he continues, putting his hands on my hips and pulling me in close. “I want my own kid. Someone with my eyes and my last name, who looks like my mom or somehow laughs just like my dad even though they’ve never met him.”

His tone grows softer with every declaration while something inside me fractures because his vision doesn’t account for the fact that any child we made together would still have some of me and Riley in them.

They could come out with my mom’s eyes, Will’s hands, or Riley’s dimpled smile.

They could be more us than Aaron or Marcy, and the fact that he hasn’t even considered that bothers me.

“I’m not ready for another child, Aaron.”

I leave out that I might not ever be ready for another one, that going through pregnancy alone, without my mom, Will, or even Hunter by my side, scarred me in ways that I still haven’t recovered from. Dee would have been there if she could, but she was all the way in Michigan being a psychological rock star, and I never let on how sad and lonely I was because I didn’t want her to drop everything to come to New York and try to fix it, especially since I knew there was no way for her to.

When Aaron lets me go, it’s a clear rebuke. A silent censure he only lends his voice to once he’s paced from one end of the room to the next twice.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Rae.”

I’m genuinely confused. “What am I doing to you, Aaron?”

“Yanking the rug out from under me with no warning. First, it was the whole Hunter thing. And now you want to take a gamble on entrepreneurship and delay starting—” My eyes narrow, and he pauses, changing the phrasing of his final grievance with me, “—having a baby. It’s like none of the plans we made matter to you anymore.”

“Of course, our plans matter to me, but I matter too. Don’t I?”

My chin wobbles, and tears blur my vision, not because I’m sad but because I’m so angry I want to scream, but I can’t give the realtor waiting outside the building for us cause for concern.

In all the years that we’ve been together, Aaron has never seen me mad to the point of tears, so he mistakes them as a sign of despair. He rushes over and takes me into his arms, and I go reluctantly, which makes a hold that’s supposed to be comforting feel awkward and unnatural.

“Of course, you matter, babe,” he murmurs into my forehead before leaning back and giving me a reassuring smile. “We’ll figure it out, okay?”

Relief flows through my veins, allowing the red to fade from my vision so I can see the man in front of me more clearly. I gaze up at Aaron, reminding myself that one of the reasons I fell in love with him is because he’s a problem solver. If he says we’ll figure out how to balance my dreams and his desires, then I trust that we will.

“Okay.”

With things somewhat settled between us, Aaron drops a kiss on my lips and glances at his watch. “We should get going.”

Truthfully, I’m worn out and not at all in the mood for the level of socializing that will be required to get through the event Aaron is so eager to get to, but I can’t back out because it will just result in another argument.

Aaron grabs my hand, and I let him lead me down the hall and out of the building. Soledad, the realtor kind enough to let us do the walk-through alone, even though she’s not supposed to, is waiting for us on the sidewalk.

“So, did you love it?” Her question is directed at Aaron because I already gushed to her about how perfect the space was for me when we did a showing earlier this week.

“It’s great,” Aaron says as he hands her the keys. The light, positive tone of his voice makes my heart lift. Hope bubbles up in my chest when he shakes Soledad’s hand and says, “We’ll be in touch.”

The first time Aaron told me we had to attend the annual business award dinner hosted by New Haven’s Chamber of Commerce, I wasn’t all that excited about going. I thought it was going to be boring and filled with a bunch of old snobs who looked nothing like me.

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