“But if I had been there, you wouldn’t have?—”
“Yes, I would have,” I tell her, absolutely certain that’s the truth. “Because even if you were there every single day, I would have still been watching someone I love suffer. You wouldn’t have been able to distract me from that. Watching you suffer through that loss might have made the situation that much more triggering. I was happy to be there for you, to protect you from that pain even if I couldn’t do it forever.” My hand moves up and down her back, trying to soothe her as she cries harder, silent sobs shaking both of us. “But the break was always coming, Sunshine. That’s what happens when you try to walk around on a fracture and don’t give it time to heal.”
My mom was my fracture. Her death was the catalyst for my drug addiction, and losing Will opened up every wound I thought I had sealed up with the love I’d found in the family I’d created with him and Rae.
None of that was her fault, and I can’t believe she’s been walking around for so long thinking it was.
“You have saved me, Sunshine.” I lay a kiss on her temple, allowing us both a bit more comfort from physical touch. “Your love has saved me more times than I can count. It could never break me.”
45
RAE
Three Weeks to Decision Day
Hunter opens the door for me, looking remarkably calm for a man who called me fifteen minutes ago to let me know our daughter had locked herself in the bathroom and was asking for me. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, just that I needed to come now, so I ran out of my house in a ratty old T-shirt and pair of basketball shorts I stole from him months ago when my washer went out, and doing laundry at his house resulted in them getting mixed in with my clothes.
“What’s wrong?!” I yell, pushing past him to get into the house.
“Are those my shorts?” he asks, tilting his head to the side as he examines me.
“Not now, Hunter! What’s wrong with my baby?”
“She started her period.”
“What?!” I round on him. “You couldn’t have told me that before I left the house without my purse and, therefore, zero reinforcements to deal with this situation.”
“Rae.” He walks over, places two big hands on my shoulders, and levels me with a stare. “Breathe.”
I do as he says, pushing out one deep breath and then another until I no longer feel like I’m going to throw up. “She’s only ten,” I tell him, shaking my head as stupid tears gather in my eyes. “She’s just a baby.”
One of Hunter’s hands slips around to grip my nape, pulling me into his chest. “I know. Apparently periods are starting earlier and earlier for this generation.”
I wrinkle my nose, pulling back to look at him. “How do you know that?”
“Research.”
“You’ve researched periods?”
“I have a preteen daughter, Rae; of course, I researched periods. I’ve also got a full stash of period products upstairs just in case this happened.”
God, I love this man. Anybody else would be losing their shit right alongside me, but not Hunter. He’s all calm, collected, fatherly grace while I’m a blubbering mess.
“Well,” I sniffle, reluctantly leaving the warmth of his embrace. “If you’ve got everything covered, why did you call me?”
“Because she asked for you, and I knew you’d kill me if you didn’t get to walk her through this. You’ve been there for all of her firsts, and I wasn’t going to let you miss this one.”
My heart is all mush and emotions I’ve been holding back for the better part of a year. We’re just a few weeks out from what Dee and Jayla have jokingly been calling Decision Day, which also happens to be my birthday, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t know what I want. I’ve told everyone except Hunter that because I know he’s committed to waiting the whole year, but I grow a little more impatient every day I look at the ring box that lives on my dresser.
That impatience comes spilling out of me in the form of a quick, chaste kiss to Hunter’s lips that makes his eyes glow with heat.
“I love you,” I tell him, just because I can. “You’re an amazing co-parent and an even better dad. Riley and I are so lucky to have you.”
“I love you too, Sunshine.”
With that out of the way, I back away from him and head towards the stairs, praying Riley is as together as her dad is.
She is not.