Page 109 of Reclaim Me

“You should tell them the truth,” I offer, which only makes him more incensed. He whips his head around, his lip curled in disgust as he looks at me.

“And what’s that, Rachel?”

“That I hate being called Rachel, and you know that, but you still do it anyway. That your mom hates me, and I hate her right back. That you resent how much I love my daughter, and have never considered her yours. That we should have broken up after the first time you asked me to marry you, and I said no. That ever since that day, you’ve treated me as a challenge and not a partner, and I let you because I thought I’d never have what I truly wanted again, so I didn’t care what I actually got.”

Heat rushes to my cheeks at that admission. I don’t know where it came from, but it rings true, so I don’t take it back.

Aaron scoffs in disbelief, offended by my honesty. “And what you want, this prize you thought you never were going to have again, is your drug addict ex? You’re choosing him over me?”

“No,” I say, and it’s not a lie because I’m not choosing Hunter.

Not yet.

Right now, I’m choosing me. I’m choosing to heal the broken pieces of my soul that kept rubbing up against the shattered pieces of Hunter’s and left us both bleeding. I’m choosing to make peace with the fact that Hunter has done the work; he’s sealed up his broken pieces with acceptance of his imperfections, grace for his mistakes, and the tools to try to make sure he doesn’t make them again.

With the fact that he’s wiped up all the blood and he’s clean, but somehow, I’m still bleeding.

With the fact that I’ve been angry with him, and pushing him away because he’s the only person who can see it. Who knows that underneath the band aid of faux perfection that’s been my relationship with Aaron and the life I built without Hunter, there’s a gaping wound that needs to be closed up.

I’m choosing to return to myself, to reclaim the version of me that faced down cancer by my mother’s side and fought my way through the ranks of a cutthroat ballet corps, the warrior that swallowed heartbreak, grief, and depression to ensure the child she knew she would have to raise on her own came into this world safely, the bad ass who answered the phone for a stranger and saved his life.

Because she’s the one I need.

She’s the one who can do hard things, and I have a year to find her, to let her guide me down the path of healing, to forgiving myself and Hunter for all of our missteps, which is, perhaps, the hardest thing of all.

42

HUNTER

Eleven Months to Decision Day

“Do you think Taurin and Alyssa will want to come to my birthday party?” Riley asks as I pull into the driveway of her mom’s new place and cut the engine.

The rental is a one-story ranch-style house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms, which Rae says is more than enough space for her and Riley. They’ve only been in it for a few weeks, but they both seem to like it. I guess it helps that Dee, Jayla, and Sonia are just around the corner.

“I’m sure they’d love that, Ri.”

“So, should I have Mommy send the invitation to Taurin’s house, Alyssa’s house, or both?”

“Uh—” I pause when I see Rae’s front door open, and Aaron walks out. His car isn’t in the driveway, so his appearance has caught me completely off guard. When he pauses on the bottom step of the front porch and glares at my car, I can tell that I’ve caught him off guard, too.

Riley, who has a concerning lack of spatial awareness, continues to chatter about the invitations as she clambers out of the truck and slams the door. The sound catapults me into action. I grab her weekend bag and yank my keys out of the ignition, catching up with Riley just as she’s meeting Aaron on the short path to the front door.

“Hey, Aaron,” she says, all casual cheer as she breezes by him and moves into the house. He doesn’t speak to her, and he doesn’t look at me. I don’t really care about him paying me dust, but it burns me up inside to see him ignore Riley, which means I have to address it.

I step in front of him, blocking his path. He tilts his head back, glaring at me with unrestrained hate. This is the first time we’ve seen each other since I helped Rae move her shit out of his house. He looked at me then the same way that he’s looking at me now: like he wishes he could beat my ass. I smirk, inviting him to try, so I can have a reason to lay him out.

“Get out of my way, Hunter.”

“Believe me, the last thing I want to be doing right now is breathing the same air as you, so I’m going to say this and let you get on with your day. The next time my daughter speaks to you, make sure you open your mouth and speak back. I don’t care how you feel about Rae or how you feel about me, but she—” I lift my hand, using one finger to point at the door Riley just passed through “—she doesn’t have anything to do with our bullshit. You were a part of her life for seven years, which means you’ll always mean something to her, so if she speaks, you speak back. If she calls because she wants to converse with you for some odd reason, you’ll answer. You got me?”

If I had it my way, Riley would miraculously forget that the piece of shit in front of me exists, but I know that probably won’t ever happen, so I’m left with no choice but to make sure he understands what’s expected of him if he ever finds himself in her presence again.

“Yeah,” he says through clenched teeth. “I got you.”

I step to the side. “Then you can go.”

With one last hateful look, he leaves, clearing the path to the front door, which I take with a smile on my face. When I step through the door, I’m deposited right into the living room and the chaos that is Rae trying to build furniture. She doesn’t even look up, probably because she knows it’s me.

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