Page 6 of Chosen By Love

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Rebecca

“What are you smiling about?” my friend Tracee asked as she settled down at the table in the Coffee Shop that we frequented on the weekend or sometimes before work.

“I wasn’t smiling,” I fibbed, trying to control the smile on my lips since my boss kissed me last night.

“Stop it. How long have we known one another Becca?”

“Since third grade,” I admitted. “Drink the coffee and eat your cream cheese bagel that I ordered you,” I said, trying to buy some time.

“Well tell me—did you win the lottery? Don’t hold out on your girl,” Tracee said, taking a big bite out of her bagel.

It was true. Tracee knew me as well as herself. I could count on her to dig until she knew the details.

“My boss Brett Collins asked me out on a date.”

“What? When did this happen?” Tracee’s voice grew loud with surprise.

“Lower your voice! I don’t want the entire coffee shop to know my business.”

“Oh sorry,” Tracee instantly replied in a softer tone. “I want to know everything. You know I’m happy for you. I know how long you’ve been in love with your boss.”

“Who said I loved him? I have never gone on a date with the man—so how did love to come in to play? Don’t answer that,” I said just as my friend got ready to reply.

“Well get on with giving me the info.” Tracee took a sip from her coffee cup.

I expelled a breath before launching into my boss giving me a ride home last night. I even told her about our kiss.

“Oh my God, Becca. He even kissed you too? How was it? I know it was good because that white man is hot!”

“Don’t let your husband hear you say that,” I warned.

“Paul isn’t the jealous type. He already knows where my loyalties lie. Now you have to admit, any woman would be blind not to see how attractive Brett Collins is.”

I laughed. “You got me there.”

I thought about my best friend’s marriage to her high school sweetheart. They got married straight after college. They had been married for almost eleven years. I could never think about Tracee without thinking about Paul Smith. I thought it was so romantic to be able to marry your first and only love—unlike me.

“Becca, I don’t mean to bring up the bad time in your life, but I’m glad to finally see you interested in someone else. Seven years has been a long time for you to close out your heart. Shawn was a dick for leaving you at the time you needed him the most. You were sick for God’s sake. I know he was only twenty-five at the time but you two had been together for four years, you know.”

My shoulders slumped from the words that my friend said. I glanced down at my half-eaten bagel and let out a long breath. I didn’t want to think of the surgical procedure when I had to have a complete removal of cancerous fibroids from my uterus, or the extensive uterine reconstruction surgery I had to go through to achieve removing my fibroids without having to have a hysterectomy. “Shawn left me because he thought I would never be able to have children in the future, even though the doctor told me otherwise.”

“Shawn just wanted a way out. He used your situation to make his exit.”

“Well the last time I heard; he was married with two little boys living out his dream. Who was I to stand in the way of his happiness, right?” I replied.

“You never dated anyone since, Rebecca. No matter how many men Paul or I tried to set you up with, you always found some excuse not to go. All I’m saying is that what Shawn did to you happened seven years ago, and if you’re going to taste the goodness of love, you have to realize that now is the chance to grab hold to love. Not every man is Shawn. Take advantage of what you’ve gotten because you and I know that life is short, and we can’t take it for granted.”

I know Tracee was right. But could I really let go of my past pains and doubts? That question and more warred across my mind.

“What are you going to wear for your date tonight?” Tracee’s voice drew me from my thoughts.

“I have no idea! I forgot to ask Brett where we were going. What was I thinking?”

“Would you like another refill?” the waitress asked, cutting off a reply.

“I would,” Tracee replied, but I shook my head no. One cup of caffeine in the morning was my limit.

I exhaled, glad to change the subject and tone of our conversation. Talking about of Shawn was not something I relished bringing up… now or in the future. I already have a scar on my lower abdomen to remind me of that painful time in my life.

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