Page 48 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

“Are you okay?” I asked rushing to his side.

“No,” he grunted as if in pain.

Minutes of silence followed…

“Why?” I bluntly asked.

“Alcohol and morphine,” he whispered.

“Morphine?” I gasped, not understanding.

“Yes. Nobody knew. I couldn’t cope, so I did what I had to do to manage.”

“Oh my God, Jiraiya,” I covered my face with my hands to hide the tears. You need professional help. Not me,” I whispered. “No wonder your father said what he did.

“What did he say, Karine? If he hurt you, I will...”

“No, don’t,” I said to Jiraiya. “Your father is right. I’m not a real nurse.”

“Don’t be crazy. I need you here with me. My health is getting worse. My father does not understand that I’ll die soon, and my wishes are all that matters,” he explained.

“But you seemed okay.” I whispered while I could not hide the sadness in my voice.

“I’ll never be okay,” he replied.

“I am sorry,” I repeated.

“For what now?” He asked, not understanding my point.

“For not being able to take care of you. Maybe your father is right. I am not the proper person for this job,” I continued.

“Don’t be crazy. I moved from my home and cut back on work. I gave up everything and moved to a house on my parent’s property. I needed someone by my side; I don’t care that you’re not a qualified nurse. You are still qualified to take care of my heart. Your companionship, that’s what I want,” he whispered, further explaining himself to me.

“But...,” I started.

“There is no ‘but’. I need you, Karine. Do you understand how terrible it is when everyone gives up on you?” His eyes were misty. My heart shattered some more.

“Oh, Jiraiya!” I whispered.

“The people I thought would never let me go were the first to give up. You can’t do the same to me, Karine. Do you hear me? You can’t do the same to me!” reached out for my hand; I had no choice but to place my hand into his.

“I am not giving up on you, not in a million years,” I stated as hot tears slid down my cheeks.

“You left me once before,” he accused.

“But how…?” I felt my heart skip a beat and my face became flushed.

“You really thought that I’d forget everything. No, Karine, I may have been a little drunk that day at the club, but I wasn’t totally out of it,” he said.

“But you were...,” I started again…

“It’s not important what was, it’s important what is now.” He said looking in my eyes.

“And what is now?” I asked.

“Now you should say that you won’t go just because it’s hard.” His eyes were focused on me, waiting to see my reaction. I could see he was afraid that I, too, would leave him and go away.

“I won’t leave you," I whispered, and he tugged me with his hand to hug me as I laid my head against his chest. I closed my eyes to listen to his heartbeat. God please! My heart cried out.

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