Page 43 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

“Is the water cold?” I asked, biting my lip and gazing down at the water.

“It’s not as cold as I thought it would be!” he yelled as he swam toward me.

I had a towel wrapped around my body; goose bumps had erupted along my skin already. I reached up, lingering and unsure whether I really wanted to do this. Taking a deep breath, I spread my towel and dropped it on the sand. I walked toward him, looking almost naked in the skimpy swimwear that did nothing to cover my body under the moonlit star filled sky.

Jiraiya’s eyes lingered on me, his gaze sliding down my body. I shuddered but not from the cold. Before I could think about it and change my mind, I gathered as much courage and reached up to unclasp the straps of my bikini top. It dropped on the sandy beach as soon as I lowered my arms. I headed toward Jiraiya before I could think twice about what I was doing.

He stared at me eyes slightly wide, with a look that made it seem like he was fighting to keep his eyes on my face. But temptation won the battle and I saw his eyes glide down to look at my brown naked breasts. I felt a chilly rush as if the wind had suddenly caressed my body; making my hard nipples point directly at him like two tiny missiles getting ready to fire. Then, as I walked deeper into the water to reach Jiraiya, I gasped as the cold water started to envelop me. Goosebumps erupted along my arms. A grin broke out on my face when I saw the look of surprise still hadn’t left Jiraiya’s face.

“You okay?” I asked him, trying to hide my nervousness.

He looked up at me, blinking. “Yeah, I am fine. And how are you holding up?”

“I’m better with you here,” I said smiling.

I jerked when something touched my foot. Gasping and inhaling water, I swam hard toward shore, coughing as I tried to get away from whatever had touched me. I was almost at the shoreline when Jiraiya burst through the water, laughing. His deep voice sounded loud in the silent night, making me slightly confused.

“That wasn’t funny, you know,” I grumbled, scowling at him.

“Sorry" Jiraiya apologized, even though he didn’t sound sorry at all. He sobered up when he saw that I wasn’t impressed.

“Come back here, I am sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, and I promise I won’t do it again.”

“No funny business, okay?” I said, eyeing him warily before deciding to head back to where he was. Jiraiya nodded, enveloping me in his arms when I finally reached him.

“No funny business,” he confirmed.

Rolling my eyes heavenward, I felt him pull me closer until our bodies touched. I felt his legs slide against mine; igniting sparks that started in the pit of my belly. I looked up at him, pushing locks of hair behind my ear to see him better. Before I could realize what was happening, Jiraiya’s head was already descending. Our mouths touched as my heart rate picked up from the physical contact. He didn’t deepen the kiss as I had expected, he merely let them touch, lingering as I waited impatiently.

When I could no longer hide my disappointment, I made a sound of dismay. Jiraiya pulled away, chuckling at me as he cupped my face.

“I thought you would have made the kiss longer,” I said honestly.

His chuckle turned into a full laughter. “You want me to kiss you deeply?”

I nodded, surprised that I didn’t feel embarrassed. “Yes, I do.”

“Well, then" Jiraiya’s voice trailed off as he stared at my lips, his tongue coming out to lick his mouth.

Despite the cold water we were immersed in, I felt shockingly warm with him in front of me. His body heat radiated, encircling me as we kissed once more. It started out slow as if he was taking his own sweet time. I got used to it, telling myself not to rush the kiss, to enjoy this moment.

Heart thumping loudly, I pulled myself closer to him so that my breasts brushed against his chest. My nipples hardened as my heart beats increased. I heard Jiraiya groan in my mouth before one of his hands dropped down between us, cupping my bare breast and squeezing it. I gasped, caught off guard from the contact.

I opened my mouth to say something, but he took that chance to sweep his tongue in. His male scent exploded inside my nostrils, our tongues swiping at each other’s as if hungry and desperate for more. His finger swept over my nipple, making it harden as another moan slipped from my mouth. I found myself wrapping my legs around his tapered waist, my thigh brushing against his hard erection.

“Jiraiya," I gasped.

“Shh” he responded before taking my mouth again; we kissed for so long that I lost track of time. I no longer knew where I was. The only thing my mind was focused on was Jiraiya and the way he was caressing my body with his hands and mouth. He could easily bring me to ecstasy.

He pinched my nipple and my back arched. His hands were all over my body now, touching my bare breasts and feeling the weight of them in his palms. The only thing I could feel was the loud thump of my chest and the wetness that slid down between my thighs. I had never been so aroused; I was so caught up in the pleasure that I began to lose all my bearings. If it weren’t for the loud barking that came from somewhere on the beach, I wouldn’t have stopped.

We broke apart, eyes wide as a chill ran down my body. I looked around, hearing a dog barking by the shore—probably about to draw its owner’s attention. I had totally forgotten about Jiraiya as I began to swim back but when he called out to me I stopped. The thing was he did not call my name; if I had heard him correctly, he had screamed out Gracen’s name instead. This was the second time Gracen’s name fell from his lips when we were together, intimately. When was I going to ever learn? You are a damn fool, Karine. My mind screamed out...tormenting me even further.

*****

Jiraiya

My heart sank immediately when I realized the name that escaped, unfettered, from my lips. What the hell have I done? I had made a mistake that I probably would regret for the rest of my life. I had called out Gracen’s name instead of Karine’s. I watched as she walked away angrily. She got her bikini top and dressed; when I finally got to her, she just asked me to take her home.

On the drive home, gloomy silence hung between us. That pained me terribly. I became lost in my own thoughts and let them wash over me like acid rain.

I had gotten so attached to Karine these past days, weeks, and months. I had started to have actual feelings for her, although I could not be sure that I could ever get over Gracen leaving me in the way that she did. Not having closure was a beast. Gracen had been part of my very existence. I never thought that a day would ever come that she would not be by my side; it was so hard getting over her. I had so much that I needed to do if I truly wanted to erase that chapter from my life. There were still many things that held me back from making peace before it was too late.

I sat down and tried to fathom how anybody deserved to go through what I was going through. Sometimes I prayed but I prayed with my faith flickering. Sometimes I wondered if that day would come when my dilemma would finally come to an end. I could feel my skin cringing even at the slightest thought of the impossibility because there wasn’t even a glint of hope that the situation could be short-lived.

Sometimes I prayed to God to never wake me up. I blamed God. I asked a lot of questions. I tried to figure out what exactly I did wrong in my lifetime. I wondered if leaving, running away, would offer a better experience to my eminent end. At least it was worth the trial to a painless end. Somehow, I knew what I had to do. So, I made up my mind. I knew what I had to do now...before I lost all my ability to do for myself.

Once we arrived home, Karine jumped from the car before it came fully to a stop. I slowly got out, trudged up the path to my doorway to unlock the door. She swept past me without a word, and she stormed to her bedroom. I shook my head in sorrow and went to my room after securing the door. I gathered all the pictures of Gracen that I still had and burned them. I made sure that I watched them burn so that I would be sure that they were really gone. It was silly, but I had to. I deleted all the pictures I had of her on my computer and cell phone. I threw away everything that even reminded me of her. She had left me to die and maybe I was going to die but I was not going to die while still thinking about her. I was not going to lose sweet Karine because of Gracen. I was the one that caused Karine’s grief, but she was truly the one who occupied my heart now. Despite my health and the pains, she still stuck with me. I owed her my complete heart and devotion. I needed to make things right.

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