Page 31 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

“How come? Isn’t that a paradox? You don’t trust in love, but you love various things. That’s a double use of the same word but in drastic cases,” he stated.

“Maybe I’ll tell you the story one day,” I said in a lower tone.

“What if maybe that day is now?” He tried to persuade me, one last time.

“Maybe I don’t know who you really are,” I used his tactics and he sure wasn’t expecting that.

“Okay, you win. I am ill, and I am going to die soon. Is that simple enough for you to understand?”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. I Am Ill, and Going to Die Soon. That’s it in a nutshell.” I copied his style and gave him a fake serious look that made the tip of his lip tilt up in a slight smile. “You are cheating! It’s always funnier when the joke is spoken for the first time and you are using the same joke twice,” he protested.

“Maybe I am not good at following the rules,” I quipped trying my best to remain upbeat for my patient.

“Don’t lie to me,” he realized that I was joking.

“Come on, this is your last chance, use it wisely,” I dared him.

“I am rich, I am ill and my love life sucks,” He said honestly.

“Hey, just play this game, after all, you are the one to come up with the rules,” I reminded him.

“Okay. I made my fortune on my own because I didn’t like using my family’s name or fortune. I didn’t like being a brat who just spent time buying all the latest sports cars and going to parties. I started my company and it had a huge success. There wasn’t a person prouder than me of that… I used to go out often; I had a lot of girls hanging around. Money and muscle attracts women. He was speaking, and I realized that he wasn’t going in the direction he had wanted from the start.

Jiraiya paused, leaned back on his elbows and looked up at the night’s star filled sky. I was at a loss for words. My eyes burned as I fought off the hint of tears building behind my lids.

“I am sorry, you don’t need to listen to my babble,” he apologized.

“No, I want to know everything about you," I told him, though I’d stopped listening from the very moment I heard ‘a lot of girls’.

He continued. “I thought Gracen was different. Not just that she was prettier than all of the others, she was smarter. Conversations with her were engaging and I found myself thinking about her all the time,” he continued to talk, and I listened. It was painful to hear him talk about Gracen, but I let him finish what he had started.

I clasped my hands on my lap and sighed wistfully.

“I don’t think that I’ll ever meet another woman like her,” he added.

“Maybe that’s the point. When you have a bad experience, you try not to repeat it, but you don’t give up because of that experience," I couldn’t help but give my input.

A minute of silence passed when I said those words. Maybe I crossed the line? After all, he was my ‘boss’ and I was just a mere employee who was failing at her job.

“Are you ready to leave?” He asked breaking the silence and I just nodded. The ride home was spent in gloomy silence. I was afraid to say anything, and he was thinking about who knows what. Just let's get home; that was the only thought in my head. I did not want to think about Gracen. How could anyone like me compete with perfection like that?

“Here we are," Jiraiya informed me when we arrived at his home.

"Did you enjoy the latter part of tonight?” He questioned.

“I had a pretty good evening,” I replied because I knew, deep down those were the words he wanted to hear.

“Yes, me too. Thank you for being a good listener. Most of my friends wouldn’t understand what I’m going through,” he responded with a sardonic grin on his mouth.

“May I open the door for you?” He asked just as I reached for the door handle.

“I nodded and yanked my hand away from the door, as he got out and walked around to open my door.

“Thank you,” I softly spoke.

“No problem,” he responded, and started towards the front door of the house attached to his parents’ property. I wondered what his real home looked like—the home he lived in before he became ill.

I walked silently beside him. He unlocked the door and entered the house; it was exactly as we had left it several hours ago. I took quick steps, wanting only to get to my bedroom and be alone.

“Good night, Jiraiya. If you need anything, buzz me,” I said and closed the door to my room, not waiting for a response and not looking back. Finally, alone in my room, I was able to take off the stupid dress and shed the tears I had been holding inside for the better part of the night. The tears were rolling down my cheeks and if someone asked me why I was crying, I probably wouldn’t be able to answer. My ego was hurt, but my heart was more pained. Somehow, I managed to close my eyes and fall into a troubled slumber…

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