Page 29 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

“Hmmm,” she muttered but didn’t say anything else.

“What’s that hmmm about?” I reached across the table towards her wine glass, but she snatched it back from my reach.

“You know that you can’t have any alcoholic beverages with your meds,” she scolded me.

“Can’t I just have one little sip?” I pleaded with the most pitiful look I could summon up.

“No, you can’t but I will tell you what my hmmm was all about. I’m wondering... what’s the trouble with makeup? You dated a model for...like two years or three years?” she inquired.

“It was three years ago that I met and fell in love with her,” I replied, feeling a sense of discord rip through my chest. I clenched my jaws tightly at the thought of Gracen. The last time I checked her profile on Facebook, she was hugged up with some new up and coming actor. I tried to fight the painful emotion that ripped through me while I spoke. I had reached across the table pretending that I needed something from the table, just so I could stop looking at Karine. It looked like she understood my point. The conversation about the past was over because the past was over too.

“Are you enjoying yourself?” I asked just to start a new topic.

“Well, I think so. I don’t get a lot of chances to go out.” She replied honestly.

“Be honest, you have no chances,” I said, feeling how boring her life was. In her best years, instead of having a great time, she is stuck with me. Well, it won’t be for long.Soon, everything will be different.

“Maybe but I am still happy. Expensive things are not able to give you everything, the best things are meant to be bought without the money.” She said, and I couldn’t help but turn again to look her. Smart is how I’d describe her. She should be going to college; she should work on her education. Forget caretaker...she should be a doctor.

“Thank you for reminding me. I almost forgot that money can’t buy health,” I added sarcastically. I wasn’t mad...I’m just sick. And I’m sick of being sick. And it makes me nasty.

“Come on, if we are silent about that it won’t go away. The facts are the facts, every person has a predetermined but unknown amount of time on the earth; you happen to know how much. I don’t. Who knows when and how I will die?” Karine was talking about death like it was not supposed to be scary at all.

I was confused by the fact that she wasn’t scared at all. Where was the fear? Why did she make me look like a coward?

“So, I should be grateful?” I asked, focusing on her eyes. I realized that I was making her a bit nervous; I changed my glance to her dress. Yes, I’d given her my credit card and said to pick anything, but this dress was unexpected. She could have gone designer, or jeweled, or whatever. She had opted for a simple little black dress. Yes, it suited her in an amazing way but—

Karine’s voice made me stop thinking about the difference between her and Gracen.

“No, but you could be calmer....” She stopped, realizing that I might take her words in a wrong way.

“I’ll be calmer when I get out of this place,” I whispered and tried not to think about anything else. It was enough; even thoughts can hurt you when you’re not careful.

Karine

Afraid, that’s what I was. Why did he make me come here?

“Hello.” He said to me just to catch my attention.

“Hello.” I answered while the color was returning to my cheeks. Calm down, Karine. After all, you probably won’t have an opportunity to be in a place like this again.

“Remember me?” He said in a serious tone, but the shivers went down my spine still. Maybe because one part of me—the foolish part— thought that he cared.

“Of course.” I said just to say something.

“How do you like the restaurant?” He asked me while his eyes were focused on me, wanting to chat to break the tension.

“It’s fascinating.” I said honestly, while I was still feeling weird.

When the waiter came to take our order, I still didn’t know what to order. He, on the other hand, was speaking freely, without even having to look at the menu.

“And for the lady?” The waiter asked, somehow realizing that I was different than the rest of the guests or that was just what I was thinking.

“I’ll take the same, thank you,” I said just to finish this torture while my heart was beating faster than it should. The waiter nodded and left us alone, while I was praying that my ‘company’ for tonight wouldn’t say anything about that topic. Luckily, he didn’t. Maybe he realized how I was feeling. Maybe not. I felt a few drops of sweat were rolling down my forehead. What was I doing in a place like this with a guy like this?

“I hope you enjoy tonight,” Jiraiya said in a bid to start a conversation but in his eyes, I saw a wealth of sadness “Are you okay?” He asked me softly.

“I am not fine, okay? What other answer would you expect? For me to behave in this place like I belong here; that an expensive dress would buy me sophistication and everything else you rich people have?” I was completely calm, not wanting to make a scene but my eyes were looking at him, judging his decision. Yes, I was feeling elegant but no, I didn’t like that feeling. Jiraiya looked confused.

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