Page 25 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

Chapter 8

Jiraiya

The pain of heartbreak

They say a tree cannot make a forest, but a forest begins with just one tree. Little drops of water, makes the mighty ocean a breathtaking work of art starts with a touch of paint. These thoughts plague me like a fever. I never thought on these types of things until my disease struck.

I wondered: What if I woke up one morning, only to discover that the good life I've been having, has all been a dream?

What if I looked out the window and I was greeted by the busy streets and dirty surroundings of the ghetto, instead of the large fenced mansion in which I reside?

Up until now, I had lived a life of privilege. Money...education...fast cars...great job. But sickness doesn’t care who it grabs and destroys. Now, I understand that life is a gift. I never thought how fast that my life could drastically change at a moment notice until now. I now know what is in the package of my existance. It’s the greatest joy to see the ones you love happy and know that you are a part of the reason for their happiness. Always! From now on, before I act, I must consider...What if...?

Heartbreak makes one reflective; the mind begins to wander. I think my name should be added to the names of great philosophers: Socrates, Aristotle, Descartes, Mahatma Gandhi, and the Dalai Lama. Or maybe I should study for a degree in Philosophy, —as I am beginning to sound like one.

Losing Gracen was like being shot in the chest...and surviving. Every morning I wake to pain, and I feel like I am going to die faster. It's some days to Christmas and, as I watch the snow fall, memories of a previous Christmas flood my mind. How I and Gracen would decorate the tree together, she would poke me playfully in my side and run. I would chase her around the house until we ended up in bed. We would cuddle while thick white snow fell outside.

Today they are nothing but memories, making me wish I was dead. This was surely going to be my worst Christmas.

*****

Karine

It was surely going to be a white Christmas this year. I made some food and ate with Mom at the kitchen table. She seemed to be in a lovely mood this morning, and didn’t seem depressed in the least. She smiled as she took bites from the cheesecake and gulped down nearly a full glass of cheap wine. I was glad to see her happy for a change.

“You know, you make it just like I used to,” my mom said, taking another bite and chewing with relish. I don't like how she brought up the past again but at least it made her happy, so it made me happy too.

“I know just how you like your cheesecake,” I answered, trying to take the attention away from her and focus it on me.

“You sure do,” she giggled as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Oh my, how did I forget to tell you?" I hit my forehead with the palm of my right hand.

"What's that?" she asked with unbelievable concern at the edge of her eyes.

"You won’t believe who I saw some days ago," I said, trying to strike another conversation. Her eyes turned back to me. I had her attention. I had always been a daddy’s girl and Mom knew it. It was just so darn hard for the both of us without him here. My dad was the first person that I ever told about my fascination with my ex-boyfriend.

“Who did you see, Karine?” my mom asked me with a smile across her face.

“I am sure it wasn’t a woman; you wouldn’t be beaming as much as you are right now. Did you by chance run into Timothy?”

Beaming; was I beaming? Oh my God, was it that obvious?

“No, thank God I didn’t run into Tim. I saw Jiraiya Sampson,” I tried to say with a straight face. Her eyes went AWOL for a bit and then she smiled, recollecting who I was referring to.

“Jiraiya? You mean the real estate multi-billionaire who dates the model that you used to gush over?” She looked at me with knowing eyes.

“I wasn’t that bad, was I?” I asked. I knew that my blush would have been obvious if it wasn’t for my dark skin.

"I remember the time you almost made me late because you could not take your eyes off the TV. That was when I was still myself and your dad was still here,” she had her gaze on the empty plate in front of her now. She always, somehow, had to bring Dad up in every conversation we had.

“Doctor Smith is coming over later in the afternoon, right?” I tried to move the topic to safe grounds again, not wanting to talk about Jiraiya anymore if it brought her sad memories.

“Oh, let’s not talk about Doctor Smith. Let’s talk about Jiraiya. How is he? Does he still have those dazzling white teeth and dimples when he smiles? He must have grown more handsome than I imagine now,” she said and, boy, how right she was. Jiraiya had always been my one true eternal crush.

“He looked great, Mom and yes he still has the dimples when he smiles," I chuckled as I spoke.

Since Dad died and Amber left; Mom and I had become closer. I talked to her about almost everything that happened in my life. She was always there for me. Not like she had a choice, given her condition, but she was there anyway. It does feel good to have someone to talk to about things that matter in life.

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