Page 21 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

Chapter 6

Karine

I looked up at the man that was being wheeled into the hospital by two nurses, noting that he looked pale and weak. The expression on his face made me remember my father. I looked away and concentrated on the sheets that I had taken out to wash. This was basically what I did every day, it was my job. Although I sometimes assisted the nurses and doctors whenever they needed an extra hand, I did not really have any medical skills. I wanted to though; I wanted to go to college and get my degree. Once I had big dreams, but those dreams were not so big any more.

I walked past the reception area and my eyes caught the television screen. There was a talk show on and a charming celebrity couple was the guests on the show. They looked really good together: their lifestyle simply glistened on their faces and spoke more than any words could express.

I almost walked straight into the wall, missing the door by an inch or two because my attention was focused on the screen. I watched as the couple kissed to the delight of the small talk show audience. It brought back instant memories of my own love life and how much it had sucked. My boyfriend and I had broken up just one month ago. I had caught him in the arms of another woman. For days on end I was broken and sad...I felt betrayed. I blamed myself for his slip-up, making up excuses like: maybe if I was more responsive to his needs sexually, he wouldn’t have had the need to seek his pleasure somewhere else.

I had been brought up in a religious family; my morals were solid and almost unwavering. It's not as if I was a prude or that I hated the idea of sex...quite the opposite. My body was like an exposed electric wire; I got turned on by even the slightest hint of eroticism. I had fantasies, I had desires and wishes. I constantly fought to keep myself in check and I felt like Timothy, my ex, understood me more than anyone else in the world.

I was no longer a virgin. I had given him my virginity, but we had only had sex twice in all the time we were together. I felt like he understood; I always thought that he was caring and very appreciative of the kind of girl that I was. Because of this, I always tried my best to restrain my desires to make love to him every time we were together. I didn’t want him to see me differently. If only I had known that it was all the opposite.

I took the elevator to the lower level of the hospital’s basement and turned towards the lower level-laundry area where I knew that Nancy would be waiting for me. She did the same job that I did: she was the only one who I shared my thoughts with and she shared hers with me, too.

“You have that look in your eyes, Karine. What’s going on with you?” I heard Nancy’s voice immediately when I came into her line of sight. She was already busy with some sheets and laboratory robes. I smiled as I approached her and found a good space to drop the sheets I had in my hands. I put a basket of soiled laundry on the countertop and placed it near one of the washing machines. I began running water into the machine and then added some disinfectant detergent.

I stopped and faced Nancy “I was thinking about Tim just now. I was thinking maybe, maybe it wasn’t really his fault, you know, that he left me.” I spoke in a low tone but just loud enough for Nancy to hear me.

Her eyes caught mine. “If you continue to think about this, then you will never move on," Nancy advised. “You are young and beautiful and, even if you don’t know it, any man would kill to make you his. I just wish you could see this and then maybe you would stop punishing yourself with this self-pity” Nancy added.

“No man sees the beauty of a girl trying her best to remain good and respectful,” responded.

“What?" Nancy looked at me like one would look at a child who was spouting out gibberish.

"You keep looking at all those celebrities and looking down on yourself because of them. Underneath all that makeup and all those fancy clothes, they are not better than you, I assure you.” She was trying to lift my spirits; I was well aware of that and I was grateful to her for it.

“I was thinking of doing something different, something less like this” I spoke in near whispers.

“What do you mean?” She asked giving me a look of confusion.

“Every day when I walk into this building, all I can think about is how little I have to offer these patients. The only thing I can do is wash the sheets and help out with the meager things. I constantly am reminded of my dad and the fact that I cannot do anything to help them, like I couldn’t do anything to help him. It makes me beat myself up about not being able to go to college to do what I have always wanted to do.” I stopped for a while and looked at Nancy. She was unusually quiet.

“The pay does suck, and the job is boring,” she finally said.

“I am really tired of this job, I must confess. I want to try something new and maybe more interesting, where I can really help people,” I told her.

She tilted her head to the side and concentrated her stare on my face, like she was deliberating on my words.

“Well, if that is what you want, you should do whatever will make you feel fulfilled and happy. Life is too short to do otherwise," she said, and I silently agreed.

*****

The subtle clanging noise of the bell above the door was starting to get annoying. I could hardly think clearly as more and more people entered the shop. As if coffee was the new oxygen. The air was thick with steam near the espresso machines. I threw a sideward glance at my colleague who seemed to be thinking the exact same thoughts; her face spoke a thousand words more than the voices in my head. She was a red head with a big nose and full lips that automatically formed a pout whenever she stopped speaking. I teased her about it a lot.

I had been so tired of the job at the hospital and had searched desperately for another job. Returning from a double shift at the hospital, I had been excited to see the “Barista Wanted-ASAP” at my local coffee shop. Imagine my surprise when I got the job—on the spot! It’s been about a month now, and I couldn’t be any happier.

"I said two spoons of sugar, you didn't put in any sugar," I heard an irritating masculine voice complain. Damned customers...they think we’re mind readers. I put on my best smile, apologized for nothing and filled the order. He was a regular, so I had to be nice; no matter how much I wanted to throw the coffee in his face.

This was the life of a barista at a small coffee shop in a busy city. I was working part-time to earn some money to help support my mother. My sister, Amber, was married with a kid and lived with her husband in another state. She often sent money to help out because Mom was not really able to do much since Dad had passed away. She was suffering from an illness with a long name that the doctor was kind enough to shorten to 'depression'. At least that I could understand. I felt sad for her because she used to be the happiest person I knew.

We were a small, happy family until illness set in…an illness that left me and my sister fatherless and my mom without a husband. The doctors did their best, but he finally passed on. I never really got over it even though I tried to hide that fact. I would lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep while he lay in the hospital. It was the longest two weeks of all our lives as my dad fought to hold on to life. I had to watch Mom change into someone that I didn't recognize; she was bereaved and daunted. The gloom in her eyes was like an endless brume of dark clouds. She never recovered from it.

The sound of the bell pulled me back to reality as another customer trudged into the small space of our establishment. My heart stopped at the sight of him. No way; I could swear that he was Jiraiya Sampson.

"Karine, could you please get more sugars from the storeroom?" I heard Savannah speak in her peculiar tone that usually meant, 'I am really too busy to do it myself'.

I said nothing, I just moved back slowly. My eyes were glued on the man who was now approaching the counter. He walked so gracefully and had his head pointed straight up, exuding an air of confidence. He had not caught my eyes...yet. His gaze scanned the small setting of the cafeteria; he had never been here before—I could tell. It was his first time. I felt like a freak ogling him like that.

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