Page 53 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

Like a child, she was enjoying every moment with me and the pleasure was mine— because I was the reason for her happiness. But what would happen if she found out that I was using morphine?

No. No! That won’t happen, I'll be more careful, and she won't find out. While she was planning how to arrange the house, I took a piece of paper and started writing. I was going to write letters; I wanted her to know exactly how I felt about her when my time came. I put in as much effort as I was able to, putting my thoughts in writing and making them as realistic as possible.

"Should we invite a few friends to be our guests?" She asked.

"Yes, of course. That would be nice," I agreed and gave her the best smile I was able to fake.

"Dinner time would be lovely, that's a great time to get them to come over," she said. After a few minutes she went to the kitchen to make dinner, neither seeing what I was writing nor realizing that I was telling lies to her. She trusted me completely.

The people who you love the most are the ones who can deceive you best. I loved her more than my life, so I wanted her to remember me as a smiling man, ready to kiss her every time she said something sweet; making love to her like it was the very last time. Ill and near to death, I used bigger doses of morphine that night. I wanted to be ready for our guests.

They began to arrive around seven pm. Karine had invited three of my closest friends and two of her friends—Nancy from the hospital and Nadia, her childhood friend. I tried to be as pleasant as possible, as pleasant as the pain already seeping through, despite the huge dose of morphine.

Our friends were sitting around our table, eating and laughing, with not a care in the world. It all made me angry. I tried answering every question as fast as possible; I just wanted to get through this evening. I could see Karine was having a wonderful time and I didn't want to spoil it.

"This house is really beautiful. You do have good taste in architecture I must say, my friend,” Peter my friend said to me.

On a good day, I would have smiled and offered him an extensive history behind the house but today I was in pain. I mumbled a tight-lipped ‘thank you’ and I hoped he would just let me be.

"So how is your health now?" He continued, not getting that I just wasn’t up for chit chat this evening.

"I’m progressing," I said and turned to another side.

Karine looked at me, not understanding what was happening.

"Are you okay, Darling?" She asked me quietly

"How many times are you going to ask me that?" I shouted at her. I simply couldn't stand the pain anymore.

"Calm down, Dude. You don't need to act like that." The same friend who asked me a question tried to calm me down.

Karine kept looking at me strangely; like she had just seen me for the first time. She asked me with her eyes 'why I had shouted at her' and because I didn't have an answer to that question. I became worse. One movement was enough, and I turned to punch the guy who was trying to calm me down. I can't be calm, I am going to die.

"Jiraiya!" Her voice was in my head.

Disappointment. That was the sound of her voice and that made me close my eyes and regret every single one of my bad decisions in life.

"I am sorry, Karine." I whispered.

I stifled the pain and apologized for my awful behavior throughout the dinner. Our friends accepted my apology and I could see, in their eyes that they had accepted my apology.

Karine waited for our guests to leave and then she unleashed her fury at me for being such a sourpuss throughout the dinner. She was angry and went to her room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

*****

Karine

Jiraiya and I had a huge fight. For some time now, I have felt there was something he was not telling me; something he was hiding. So, one day while he was sitting under the tree in front of the house, I had gone back to his room and searched it. I was livid when I found his dustbin full of syringes and a liquid substance he later confirmed as morphine.

He had been using morphine to keep his strength up, so I would believe he was okay. Liar!! This couple with the fact that, a few days earlier I had discovered that I was pregnant. It was more than I could handle and so, I left the house to give him the space I believed he needed.

It had been a few days since I had left our home; angrier him than I have ever been before. I had been finding it difficult to sleep at night, so I had been taking sleeping pills for the past few days. The mild vibrations from my phone lightly shook the small bedside table located at the top right corner beside my mahogany bed. My eyes barely open, I stretched out my arm to pick up the phone. I tapped about the table, in a fruitless bid to locate the ringing device.

Frustrated, my eyes popped open as I rolled and stretched further. I finally got a hold of it and brought it closer to my face. The lights from the screen momentarily blinded me as my gaze caught the screen, prompting me to close my eyes at once. I struggled to gain my vision back, slowly opening my eyelids.

I tried to make out the name that appeared on the screen. Weariness hung in the wrinkles on my face and the muscles of my body. I still suffered from brain fatigue as it had taken me a while to fall asleep the previous night—even with the sleeping pills I popped. I had thought it was my six o’clock alarm going off, but it clearly wasn't the case. I could see that it was an incoming call. My eyes caught the code in front of the digits that appeared on my cell phone screen.

"Hello, Miss Banks?" A female voice from the other end spoke.

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