Page 45 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

"Thank you for the experience’ I think I’ve lost my appetite;” I added and stood up. The legs of my chair scraped against the floor as I pushed back my chair. I grabbed my handbag, only to be stopped by his hand on my arm. I froze, staring at him in shock. Jiraiya looked more serious than I had ever seen him look before.

“I don’t know where you got that assumption from” he said. “But I would like you to get rid of that thought, get it out of your head because I have said no such thing.”

“Then what are you saying?” I asked him, trying not to scream in frustration as the tears slid down my cheeks.

“I haven’t been able to say anything. You’ve been doing all of the talking,” he said, trying to feign offense.

I used the back of my hands to wipe the tears from my face and looked at his face, wondering why I loved him so.

"Look Jiraiya, if you have anything to say, say it now."

“Sit back down, will you?” he said, imploring me to sit.

I sat down without saying anything. And then it all came out.

“Look, I am sorry for assuming, but what else was I supposed to think? You didn’t call and the last time we went out, it ended in disaster.”

“You think it was a disaster?” he echoed.

I nodded. “Yes,” I mumbled.

Silence fell on us again and then slowly, Jiraiya took my hands and looked into my eyes as he spoke.

"I am sorry" he said almost inaudibly.

“Are you really?”

"I am sorry Karine. I didn't mean to hurt you; you knew how I felt about her and how attached I was to her. It wasn't going to be easy to wipe the thought of her from my mind, you know. I swear to you, I was not thinking about her that time I called her name. You brought her name up in an earlier conversation. Her name just slipped out, that’s all.”

A gasp slipped out of my mouth. My nipples pebbled behind my bra and the heat between my legs intensified. I pressed them together. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was too shocked to say anything. I was literally speechless.

A smirk appeared on his face when he realized I had nothing to say. “It’s the truth. If the dog my lousy slip-up hadn’t stopped me that night, I would have just wrapped your legs around my waist, slid your bikini bottom aside, and had my way with you.” A flash of heat entered his eyes.

“Then, why didn’t you?” I asked, my voice soft.

He leaned closer to me “I wanted to keep you for myself. I don’t want anyone else watching you while I make your legs quiver and your breath hitch. And when I’ve finally thrust inside of you, I want to be the only one who witnesses the way you feel around me, the way you look once I’ve made you come. I want to do all that to you in private,” he finished.

His words made me gasp as my chest rose and fell. My breasts felt achy and sensitive. I was throbbing between my legs and each word made the feeling more intense. He’s doing this on purpose...making me want him. The way I probably made him feel back at the beach but that hadn’t been my fault. We were both so caught up in our own feelings that we had forgotten we were in a public place.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to be talking about this in public,” I said, gaining my voice again.

“Why not?” You didn’t seem to be embarrassed earlier, when you talked about the beach.”

“But that was different,” I said, my voice still soft. “I was trying to make a point and you seemed to be changing the subject.”

“Not changing the subject,” Jiraiya said shaking his head. “I’m just trying to make a point too, just as you were doing before.”

“So, what happens now?” I asked.

“I don’t know. What do you want to happen?” he answered my question with a question, something that had always annoyed me.

“What do you want Jiraiya?" I asked pointedly

"What do you think I want?" He asked me back in reply.

I shrugged. “I don’t know now. I used to think I knew, but now...,” I paused letting my sentence hang in midair.

He speared me with a look I just couldn't understand. “There is one thing you should never doubt about me and that is this; when I set my eyes on someone or something, I go for it, no matter the cost. Another thing, my doctor called. I will be going back to the hospital for another round of treatments. I don’t want you to worry.”

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