Page 44 of Goodbye To Tomorrow

Chapter 13

Karine

Forgetting Gracen

A couple of days passed after the incident. Jiraiya had avoided talking about what happened. We were strictly employer/employee again. I grew worried that he had suddenly changed his mind about me; I just could not stand it. I knew I should be angry: I felt like he was never going to get over Gracen. Maybe he was just using me to pass the time; he probably had already concluded that he was going to die, so he just did not want to die alone. I instantly felt bad; he had not even apologized to me. Maybe he felt like I was not up to his standard after all.

I dropped my face in my palms, knowing he had already made his escape from me. It was probably a good thing since I would no longer make a fool of myself. I should have known that this would become a disaster; I should have guessed things would turn out this way. He had even told me to take some time off from work, that he would be fine without me. So, I came home.

Shaking my head, I got up from my bed and grabbed my phone. I was supposed to be meeting Nadia in an hour or two but, guessing my best friend was probably still in bed, I thought about getting an early breakfast. I could really use the time away from him, maybe it would do us both good.

Nadia and I decided to go out for lunch later, but I didn’t know whether I should get something to eat now. It would likely piss Nadia off but it would stop the rumbling in my belly.

I got dressed and pulled my hair up into a high ponytail; I decided not to wear any makeup. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a plain, Old Navy t-shirt. I didn’t have anything fancy to go out in today, so there was no point trying to look good when I was only grabbing food. Taking a quick look in the mirror, I headed out; luckily, there was no one around to see the effect of crying myself to sleep.

I went to the restaurant where Nadia and I were to meet. The waitress showed me to a table, and I told her I wanted the buffet. I was going to wait for my friend to arrive before I fixed my plate, but I skipped breakfast after much deliberation. My nose quickly caught a whiff of fresh bread and freshly brewed coffee; my stomach growl even more. I grabbed a plate and filled it with everything that looked good, wanting to satisfy the cravings. My cell phone buzzed. I set my plate down and dug into my handbag. Nadia had texted that something had come up and she couldn’t make it. Well, good thing I decided to start without her, I thought to myself.

I walked back towards my table, my plate in hand. There was a massive window directly across from where I was sitting, that offered me a chance to study the view outside. Just before I made it to my table, I heard a familiar, deep male voice. “Karine?” the man called confusion in his voice.

I turned around slowly, as if in slow motion, to find Jiraiya standing a few feet away from me.

“Jiraiya," I greeted, surprised to find him here. “What are you doing here?”

“I was going to go up to your home and surprise you,” he said slowly. “Surprise!”

“Well, I am surprised," I said, blinking and unable to process the fact that he was standing in front of me. I blinked my eyes several times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

He glanced at my plate. “Are you about to have lunch?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I was supposed to catch lunch with Nadia, my best friend, in a couple of hours, but she cancelled.”

There were a few people looking at us now, probably because Jiraiya made an impressive figure in his slim fit pants and tailored jacket. I felt underdressed standing next to him in my t-shirt and jeans.

“Great, then I am just in time,” he said as he headed over to the buffet bar. Jiraiya grabbed a plate and began loading food onto it.

“I missed out on breakfast, so I’m starving...for a change. Where do you plan on sitting?”

“I was about to sit at the back there,” I pointed to where I planned on enjoying my lunch. “You’re more than welcome to sit with me if you’d like.”

“Thank you, Karine. I would like that very much,” he looked down on me with expressive green eyes. I hurriedly looked away. I didn’t like the feeling of getting lost in his beautiful gaze.

Jiraiya followed me to the table. I pulled out my chair and sat down to eat. He was quiet as if he had nothing to say to me. I felt an awkward silence hanging in the air between us, something that hadn’t been between us before the night at the beach. I took a bite of my buttery roll and studied the bright blue sky outside the window. It was if it the view was the most interesting thing in the world right now.

I didn’t know what to say to him. As much as I wanted to ask him what had taken so long; why he hadn’t spoken to me; I knew that would probably not be a good idea. I didn’t want to look desperate, so I decided to cross that thought out of my mind. A few more moments of silence, and then

“What are you really doing here, Jiraiya?” I asked him in a straightforward, no-nonsense manner.

He blinked at me as if puzzled. I wasn’t falling for that act again. I had no intention of being a substitute for Gracen. Either you choose me or you lose me.

"What do you mean?”

I stared at him, unimpressed. “You know exactly what I mean so don’t pretend that you don’t. What is it that you want from me, Jiraiya? You stopped talking to me. You gave me time off. You haven’t called. And now you show up? This isn’t some romantic movie where the hero shows up, offers a lame apology, and all is right with the world.” “Well..." he said. “I was going to apologize for the other night. Ask your forgiveness, for everything. For not calling and for shutting you out. I am so sorry; I can only imagine how disappointed and angry you are. Trust me; I used the time to do a lot of thinking, to figure out why the hell I was doing what I was doing.”

“Well, I think you’ve made it pretty clear that you’re not interested in me,” I said truthfully. “Let’s not beat around the bush... do you ever see us being together in the future? Are you ready to commit to a serious relationship?”

My heart was thumping when I asked him these questions but now that it was out in the open, I felt relieved. He thought before answering, which I took as a bad sign. Just as I had suspected, he wasn’t interested in me in the way I thought he was. I sighed, shaking my head slightly before lifting my head to stare at him.

"It’s okay, Jiraiya. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I don't know what I was expecting. Was I expecting you to forget someone like Gracen so soon or was I expecting you to fall in love with me? What could I have been thinking?” I let out a sarcastic laugh, tears gradually filling my eyes.

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