Page 20 of Sink or Swim

Shuddering, I turn away and kneel in the grass, obscuring my face so he can’t see. But he sees. He knows. Nick always knows. That’s what makes him so wonderful. The fact that he always knows what’s going on with me even when we can’t put it into words the other will understand. We communicate with our emotions and actions, which, in my opinion, are more honest than any words, anyway.

He kneels beside me and drapes his arm around my shoulders. “Oona,” he whispers in my ear. “Oona, look.”

I lift my gaze to his and sniffle.

Then he says in my own tongue, “Stay. With me.”

Stay with him? How am I going to do that? I can’t live in his world … can I?

It isn’t possible. I know what the humans do when they think they’ve caught sight of something they can’t comprehend. There have been close calls in the past, when fishermen and touring boats would scuttle past only to catch sight of the “Monster of Lake L’Amour.” I know they’re referring to me and not the fucking alligators. Everyone shrieks and gasps and leans over the boat gawking with their dark boxes held up. No idea what they are, but judging from what I’ve found in my lagoon in the past, they’re probably some sort of weapon.

“Can’t,” I say in his tongue. He’s come a long way with learning my tongue these past three months, but he still can’t quite grasp more complex sentences. I desperately want to say so many things to him. How much I adore him. How important these past few months have been to me. How much I’ll miss him but know that his returning to his people is a necessity.

I can’t say any of that. Maybe if we had more time. If only we had more time.

“Yes,” he says, stroking his thumbs across my cheeks. Lovingly. He smiles at me, and the crow’s feet around his eyes crinkle, making him look a hundred times more handsome in my eyes. “Yes, we can.”

I love him, truly I do, but I’m not sure if he’s thought this through.

“You go, Nick,” I repeat. “I stay. Safe.”

His throat bobs up and down, like he’s considering my words. Then he shakes his head and stands. “We go. You. Me. There.” He points across the lagoon to the harbor in the distance. To the docks. “Swim?”

“Eat,” I say, and rub my stomach. “Food. Meat.”

He nods, understanding, then busies himself with building a fire while I head off into the woods to find something nocturnal to munch on.

I really thought I could carry a full-grown man on my back across a frigid channel. I really thought.

Nick clings to me tight, threatening to choke me because if he relaxes even for a fraction of a second, there’s a serious chance he’ll get swept away by the current. Which I didn’t realize was so strong. And which I didn’t realize I wouldn’t be able to beat even though I’m in peak athletic condition.

“You’re doing great, Oona!” Nick yells in his own tongue. I only understood two of those words, but his tone was clear enough. I grit my teeth and propel myself forward, straining against the current and wind. Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be any sign of predators to contend with. I don’t think I’d be able to fend them off, protect my mate, and make it across all at the same time.

After what feels like an hour of swimming, we finally reach the docks. I latch on to a wooden pillar and wrap my tail around it to steady myself, then use my remaining energy to hoist Nick up so he can grab the ledge and pull himself up the rest of the way. Once he stands up and shakes his hair of the excess water, he leans over and offers me his hand.

I stare up at him, again wanting to say so much and not able to say anything at all. I shake my head.

“Oona, come!” he yells. “Come!”

I’m frozen in a moment in time, and his face is the only thing I see. The sweet, handsome face I’ve grown to love. All the precious moments we spent together. All the moments we will never get to have. Sleeping together, nestled underneath the bearskin blankets. Making love by a firepit he made with his own two hands. Feasting on roasted boar I hunted for the two of us. A future we can’t have because we are not the same.

If only fate had been kinder and allowed me to be born a human, perhaps we’d have a home in the city and boisterous young ones running about. Or maybe we’d be childfree and living out the rest of our days doing … whatever it is that humans do. But that future doesn’t exist. Not for us.

“Goodbye, my love,” I murmur in my own tongue, and release my tail from the pole. Then I allow myself to be carried off by the current, leaving Nick screaming my name into the wind.

NICK

She’s gone. Oona, my love, my sweetheart, my mate. She’s gone. Just like that. Like she was never truly here to begin with.

I linger on the docks for what feels like an eternity, scanning the water for any signs of her. Hoping she’ll change her mind and come with me. I can’t go after her. Not now. I’d be taken by the current and drown. But I also can’t accept that she’s gone, either. One of the lamps overhead blinks a few times, and I hear the tell-tale sizzle of an insect getting zapped by the lightbulb. Soaking wet and shivering, it’s probably best that I leave before I wind up with hypothermia. Even on a mild evening such as this, there’s still the risk I’ll end up freezing.

My Oona is gone. Left to go back home to her tree house. To our home. Without me. My heart feels like someone took a hammer to it. How am I supposed to go on without her? And … where am I supposed to go? I could go to the shelter, I guess, but someone might recognize me on the streets. It’s only now that I realize I hadn’t thought any of this through. What was I even going to do with Oona once we got here? I let my fantasies override my judgment yet again. Once a naïve idiot, always a naïve idiot, I guess.

When I turn to leave, I notice three silhouettes shuffling by in the distance. I freeze as my heart leaps into my throat and my hands ball at my sides. Fuck. This area is notorious for criminal activity. It’s where most drug deals go down. I know this, because I’ve been here for drop-offs. Didn’t know I was dealing in Stim at the time, but that doesn’t matter. That’s in the past now, and I’m wiping my hands clean of it. All of it. It was only three months ago, yet it feels like a lifetime has passed.

A lifetime ago, when I used to put a gun to people’s temples on the orders of my boss. I’ve never pulled the trigger on anyone, but if he’d ordered me to, I probably would have. Would have to unless I wanted to get bumped off. But had I not opposed him and the rest of the family three months ago, I wouldn’t have met Oona.

Oona….

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