Page 95 of Promised Love

How bad would it be if I just storm out of here?

I’m struggling to think of an excuse to leave when Autumn places her hand over mine under the table. She gives it a squeeze, as if telling me that for tonight I can borrow some of her strength.

“Grandma, Lukas doesn’t like to talk about…his childhood.”

My throat closes as she tries to support me…even without being aware of my life’s miseries.

My gaze shoots to her, and she’s looking at me with so much affection and love that in this moment, I’d give away everything I own just to be with her.

“I’m so sorry, honey.” Grandma leans back in her seat. “Please forget that I asked. I’m so happy you’re here with us tonight. I only had one wish in my life and that was to fulfill the promise my mother made.” Her wrinkled face holds so much emotion that I can’t look away even if I tried. “She and your great-grandmother would be so happy and proud of the both of you.” Grandma looks up at the night sky as if she has a view of the heavens, or wherever our elders reside.

And I know if I stay here longer, she’ll make me believe in that promise.

My stomach remains in knots throughout dinner, and as much as I hate it, I know Autumn’s family can sense my mood.

It’s only eight thirty, but Jasper pretends like he’s about to fall asleep. Laura disappears into the house and a minute later is back with a glass box with a green lid. She hands it to Autumn. “I made some tiramisu. I’m not as good as Suzie, but it turned out well.” She then turns to me and places a quick peck on my cheek. “Lukas, this home is always open for you whenever you need.”

I pull the car out of the driveway, and we’re only a few minutes into the drive when Autumn asks, “Would you like to go somewhere for a while?”

I hum a yes, because tonight I’d go anywhere with this girl. Especially if we can hide someplace where my past is torn into shreds and has no influence on my future. But that doesn’t happen in real life.

The sins of a father are always visited upon his children.

“You can take a left here,” Autumn says in a soft voice. “I thought we could go to the lake. We can take a stroll and digest all the food we’ve eaten.”

She tries to make small talk, and I’m thankful for the effort. I grab her hand and place it over my thigh, hoping her touch will bring me back.

I park the car in the lake parking lot, and on impulse my hand goes to the glove box to grab my pack of cigarettes.

Fuck, she’s here.

“Do you mind?” I lift the pack in my hand and look at her.

“Would you not if I asked you not to?” Her serious face and carefully spoken words make me replace the pack. “Lukas! I know you smoke. You don’t need my permission.”

“You do? But I’m not a smoker, okay? I don’t want you to think that. It’s just…occasionally, when I’m too out of sorts, I—”

“You don’t have to explain. I was just surprised when I first came to know about it.”

“When was that?”

“When we were at the café with Vienna and Zane. You guys went outside for a few minutes, but when you returned, I could smell the tobacco on you.” She runs her tongue over her bottom lip. “I used to think of it as a vice of a weak person.”

I bring the window down and light the cigarette with a Zippo before throwing it along with the cigarette pack onto the dashboard. I take a deep puff and then let go of the smoke. “I don’t feel very strong right now. So maybe that’s what I am—weak.”

Her gasp is loud in the car. “You’re the bravest person I’ve met, Lukas.”

“That’s only because you don’t know me, Autumn.”

32

AUTUMN

I look at Lukas sitting in the driver’s seat, and he’s never looked more beautiful than he does now. There’s a cigarette hanging from his lips, held there by his two fingers.

As much as I’m not someone who likes addictions, there’s a raw masculinity about him. Lukas looks like a tortured rock star or a troubled man in a bar. He doesn’t look like the Navy SEAL Lukas Spencer, a man who’s never unsure of himself.

My breath hitches when he takes another drag and lets go of the white smoke.

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