It feels like Mother Nature wants to make sure I never forget this moment, and the heavens open up. I don’t know why I’m even surprised. There was a forecast of rain, and the cloudy weather had confirmed it.
Lukas grabs my hand and pulls me toward the forest surrounding the lake. By the time we reach the cover of thick fir trees, my hair is soaked. Luckily, my down parka is waterproof, otherwise I would be dragging a hell of a lot of weight on my shoulders.
“Fuck. I’d hoped we’d have a few more rain-free hours.”
“That’s the difference between a hope and reality. But it looks so magical.”
He hums and pulls me to his front. His chin rests on my shoulder as we take in our surroundings.
I pull out my cell phone and start the record button.
“What’s that?” he whispers in my ear.
“Sometimes when I can’t sleep, I play ASMR music on my phone, mostly nature sounds. It’s comforting and I’m lulled to sleep. I thought I would record an original.”
We’re back to being silent, which lasts for a minute or so, and then he asks, “Why can’t you sleep, Autumn?” When I don’t reply immediately, he urges, “Tell me.”
“I only have one worry in life, Lukas. I don’t want to fail my parents or my grandparents.”
He’s quiet and I try to explain. “Maybe it’s superficial and a stupid thing to worry about. I know people have bigger problems. Mortgage or rent. Tuition fees. Will there be food tomorrow? And here I am sleepless and restless in the finest suite of our inn. But”—my breath hitches, and his hands tighten around my stomach—“all my life I’ve felt that everyone around me is just waiting to pick up the mess I’ve created and fix it for me. For once, I’d love for them to believe that I know what I’m doing. Even if something doesn’t work right, I’ll know how to solve it and make it right again.”
My eyes water as I admit this out loud for the first time. “I’ve always followed the path my family has shown me, and it’s a good way. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to make my own experiences in life or if everything I own and know will be borrowed or gifted to me?”
He turns me in his arms and wipes my face. “You’re an amazing person, Autumn. You have the gift of keeping others’ happiness above your own. Not many can do that. But if I know anything about love, it’s that it shouldn’t be a burden or a duty. It shouldn’t tie you to a place where you don’t want to be. It should liberate you instead. You should thrive, not suffocate in love.”
His fingers drift over my cheeks, and I realize I still have tears running down my face.
“Next time you feel too burdened with the pressure of others’ wishes, you should speak up. Speak up for what you want and what you desire.”
“In this moment, I desire you,” I whisper.
26
LUKAS
I’m fucking cornered by the blazing emotion in Autumn’s eyes. I no longer feel like the man I was seconds before, who was telling her how she should demand her wishes. The tables have turned, but her words are in my favor. Our favor. “You sure?”
She looks around and then back at me. “Do you think someone could be nearby?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. But there’s always a risk of getting caught with your pants down.”
“I think whoever catches you with your pants down will be impressed.”
I chuckle. “I thought I was your first. How do you know I’m not an average or below average guy when it comes to my dick?”
“Oh, Lukas, you’re so not an average guy. Plus, I’m not that innocent. I have seen…porn.” Her cheeks turn pink at the admission.
“And they were doing it outside?” A bolt of surprise darts through me at her admission.
“I’ve watched more than one.” She hits my chest and bursts into laughter, possibly at the shock on my face.
“You’re a real surprise, Autumn Smith. So now I’m competing against porn stars? Trying to fuck their memory out of your mind?”
“No one is plastered in my memory. But yeah, they were quite good.”
“Were they now?” I growl, and that makes her laugh more. I know it’s cheesy, maybe even a bit silly, but in this moment, surrounded by nothing but the sounds of heavy downpour and under the canopy of the forest, I want to erase every man, fictional or real, from her mind. I want her to remember only me and my cock.
I have the zipper of her parka down in seconds. Thank God I’m sensible enough not to throw it on the wet ground but hang it behind her on a tree she’s leaning against.