Page 108 of Promised Love

But he cares. I know.

When I think my head will explode, I grab my phone and check the to-do list for the wedding.

After another thirty minutes of checking and rechecking that everything is going per plan, I close the planning app.

My hands shake at the sight of the photo on my phone screen. Lukas took it a few days back. I’m standing on the step ladder with a bulb in my hand.

Chiara, Mr. Big, Lukas, and I were sitting in the garden after the last guests were gone, and one of the bulbs from our string lights went out. While he and Mr. Big left to get the ladder and bulb, Chiara challenged me.

“If you can change the bulb, I’ll no longer make fun of your idea about the heart cutout with Maddy’s picture on each table.”

“It’s cute.” I defend the idea she’s been mocking for three days.

“It’s too cheesy and corny, like you and Mr. Daredevil over there.” She cocks her head toward Lukas, approaching us. He has a ladder in one hand as his muscles bunch under the weight.

“It’s perfect and you won’t mock it again because I’m going to change that bulb right now.” How tough can it be?

But boy, was I wrong. It isn’t something you figure out by standing up on the ladder.

“Just look how it’s tightened, Autumn,” Mr. Big says as I stare at the fused lamp like it’ll somehow speak to me and guide me how to replace it.

I’m about to give in when a flash hits my face. I turn around to find Lukas with his phone pointed toward me.

I give him a light shrug, but then he curls the fingers of his free hand and does a clockwise motion a few times. I don’t understand what he’s doing. For a second, I think he’s trying to tell me my boobs look sexy, and he’d like to give them a squeeze.

Until I realize he’s helping me. I hold the bulb and try to rotate it.

It turns, then loosens and comes off.

“I got it!” I squeal and following Lukas’ instructions place a new bulb.

When Mr. Big turns on the lights again, I smile like I’ve climbed Mt. Everest and not just changed a teeny tiny light bulb.

“I did it,” I tell Chiara.

“I saw that,” she replies with a giant smile, looking between me and Lukas.

When I place my fingers over my lips, I’m still smiling. Though tonight’s smile is different than the grin that stayed on my face the whole evening that day.

I open the album on my phone and go from one image to the other, until my breath hitches.

It’s a video from the day Lukas took me for a bike ride.

I press the play button, and the sounds of falling raindrops greet me before I hear his voice.

“What are you doing?”

I tell him how I listen to nature sounds and all the reasons why I struggle with sleep sometimes.

“You’re an amazing person, Autumn. You have the gift of keeping others’ happiness above your own. Not many can do that. But if I know anything about love, it’s that it shouldn’t be a burden or a duty. It shouldn’t tie you to a place where you don’t want to be. It should liberate you instead. You should thrive, not suffocate in love.”

“Next time you feel too burdened with the pressure of others’ wishes, you should speak up. Speak up for what you want and what you desire.”

Tears race down my cheeks as I hear his words. I bury my face into the pillow.

“I only ever desired you, Lukas.” I speak at the same time my voice comes from the phone speaker. “In this moment, I desire you.”

I turn off the video because I can’t take it anymore. While I go into a sobbing fit, Lukas’ words resonate in my brain.

---