Page 34 of Seduction Under the Southern Stars

“So…” Fraser says, “Elora told me something this afternoon I didn’t know.” He looks at his brother. “Did you know that Dad was the one who sent Linc away?”

Joel stares at him. Then he stares at me. He puts his glass down slowly. “What?”

“Dad lied to us all,” Fraser continues. “He told us that Linc walked out, but he didn’t, right?”

I nod. “After he’d sent Elora to her room, he stood over me while I packed my stuff, then drove me to another deacon’s house in Kaikoura. It was, like, a two-hour drive, and all the way there Atticus lectured me. He laid his disappointment and betrayal on with a trowel. I felt an inch high by the time we arrived.”

“Fucking hell.” Joel looks appalled. “Man, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe Dad would lie to us all like that. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrug. “I assumed you knew.” It didn’t occur to me that Atticus wouldn’t have told them the truth.

Embarrassed and humiliated, I didn’t contact the family for a long time, and none of them contacted me either. It was only about a year later that I sent a tentative friend request to Joel, who I was closest to, apart from Elora. To my relief, he accepted it, and since then we’ve exchanged a few messages. But we’ve never discussed what happened that night.

Fraser looks less shocked. “To be fair, Dad told us that it wasn’t necessarily what you did, it was what it could have led to. Even if you promised it was just a kiss, he didn’t trust an eighteen-year-old guy to control himself. He assumed you wanted more.”

It’s a typical older brother attitude, and he’s only protecting Elora, so I don’t blame him for being wary. “I get that,” I tell him. “With all the wisdom of adulthood, I suppose I understand why he did what he did. He was very good to me for years, and he felt as if I’d abused all the time and effort and… I’m not afraid to say it—love… that he’d invested in me. Even if I think it was an overreaction, I know I betrayed his trust, which I’ll never forgive myself for.” My throat tightens and I stop for a moment. I was very fond of Atticus, and it’s hard, even now, to remember how terrible I felt on that journey to Kaikoura.

I hesitate, on the verge of confiding something, then decide not to, because I don’t want it to get back to Elora. Instead, I continue, “I want you to know that I’d never have done anything. I know he doesn’t believe that, but I respected him, and her. I liked her, that’s all. A lot. But I’d never have taken it further. Not when she was so young. It really was just a kiss.”

Fraser nods slowly. “I believe you. The thing is, I know it seems like an overreaction on Dad’s part. But you don’t know the whole story.”

My eyebrows rise. “Oh?”

“Dad had a sister,” Joel says.

“Yeah, I know,” I reply. “Angela.” I met her a few times when she came to visit him at Greenfield.

But Joel says, “No, he had another one. Her name was Jeannie. Atticus was twenty-four, and she was sixteen when she started seeing a guy called Evan. He was twenty, so four years older than her.”

And I’m four years older than Elora. Ah, shit.

“He seduced her,” Fraser says. “Took her to bed. She was completely besotted with him. And then he dropped her like a stone and moved in with another girl.”

“Jeannie was devastated,” Joel continues. “Unconsolable. And one day Atticus found her in her room, and she’d taken an overdose.”

I close my eyes for a moment. I knew that Atticus was protective of his daughter, but his almost irrational refusal to believe it was just a kiss, and the way he threw me out without giving me a second chance… Suddenly, it all makes sense.

“She died on the way to the hospital,” Fraser says. “It was a major factor in Dad’s decision to be a deacon. He needed to take something positive out of the experience, and he turned his grief into finding ways to help other young people who were struggling. And of course eventually that led to him setting up Greenfield.”

“We’re not saying it excuses what he did,” Joel says. “I still can’t believe he sent you away—that was completely over the top and inexcusable, and I’m so sorry for it. But maybe it helps you understand why he did what he did.”

“Of course.” I run a hand through my hair. Repeatedly in my life, men have mistreated me in ways I’ve never understood, and it’s strange that now I’m finally beginning to excavate the truth. Every action is a reaction to a previous event, I’m starting to understand. Just like with archaeology, it’s all about context.

We sit quietly for a moment. Although we’ve never spoken about what happened, I could tell that both of them blamed me. I assumed it was sheerly because Elora was their sister and they didn’t like me kissing her, but now I realize it must have been because they both thought I abandoned not just her but the whole family. We were as close as brothers, and the event obviously hurt them as much as it hurt me, for different reasons.

If we were girls, we might now discuss how much we’ve missed each other, and voice our outrage over what Atticus did, but we’re not. We’re men, and respect is drilled too much into all of us for us to condone Atticus for what he did. He’s their father, and they were brought up not to question his actions.

Doesn’t mean we have to like it, though.

I have a sip of my whisky. “So… tell me about Elora.”

Joel and Fraser exchange glances, but neither of them says anything.

“I know there’s a story there,” I persist.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Joel says.

“Come on… She didn’t go to Otago when all she talked about at fourteen was following in Fraser’s footsteps. I know your dad was protective of her, but from what she said, he’s gotten worse, not better, as she’s grown up. She told me she wasn’t dating. And the thing with the locks on the door, the OCD… What happened?”

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