Page 65 of Cardinal

Something didn't feel quite right, but I summed it up to first-time experiences. This was my first time willingly engaging in anything so sexual with anything. I wasn't going to count the bastards at the brothel. What happened that night wasn't my first time—I refuse to accept it as my first sexual encounter and experience.

This right now with Luciano would be my first of my own volition.

First-time jitters were a thing… right? Honestly, no amount of porn or stupid sex 101 guides on the internet could ever prepare me for this moment. I needed to get out of my head and enjoy this supposedly magical moment.

The feeling of the bed dipping next to me and something hot on my lips jarred me back to reality with a gasp of surprise. If Luciano's dizzying kiss hadn't brought me out of my thoughts, then the feeling of his thick cock rubbing along the length of my sex would have done the trick.

Oh God, it's really happening.

"Juliet, breathe." Luciano's calming voice washed over me with his peppering kisses on my face. "Relax."

That did it.

That one fucking word at this moment, paired with the intense burn of his dick pressing into my resistant sex, broke open the dam, causing everything to flood and drown me.

"Tap out!"

Chapter 33

Luciano

"Tapout! Tapout! Tapout!"

I had already pulled out the first time she used her safe-word, but she had become inconsolable ever since. Even now, as I held her tightly in my arms, her tears burned my skin like acid when they splattered on me, and her pained sobs with her uncontrolled use of her safe-word felt like a dull knife slicing away at my very being.

It felt like an eternity as I sat there feeling like a useless sack of shit while Juliet suffered in my arms. I didn't know what to do to help her. Soothing her with my words and soft touches did nothing, and I was too afraid of triggering her more if I went with the typical method.

She was already breaking in my arms; I didn't want to shatter her completely.

"Juliet, amorina, please." My heart cracked with my voice as I muttered a string of silent apologies to her.

I needed to take control of her, and it was what she needed of me as her lover and as her Dom. She trusted me to bring her back to safety in these moments, no matter the method.

In all honesty, this would hurt me more than it would her.

Jerking her body, I threw her head back with a violent motion and wrapped a hand around her neck while my other arm remained tightly around her like a constrictor. "Juliet! Get out of your fucking head." I raised my voice initially in hopes of breaking through to her.

Squeezing the sides of her neck, I watched as her hyperventilating slowed because I forced her to pace her breathing. "You are not there, so get out of your own head. Whatever you are seeing and feeling is not real anymore. It's all in the past, so leave it there and come back to me." I spoke in a dominating yet gentle voice as I adjusted the pressure around her neck as necessary; I wanted to choke her enough to shock her mind back to reality, not to make her pass out.

"Juliet, listen to my voice, focus on it. Come back. I know you can. You are a strong girl, my strong girl, so you can do it. You are in control, sweetheart. Those demons are nothing to you. Shove them back, put them in their place." God, if only I could take away her suffering, I would do it without a second thought. "Amorina, come back to me, love."

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I rest my forehead against hers. "I am so sorry for not being better, for sending you into this state." I sensed her reluctance and hesitance, and I should have stopped then. I should have listened to my heart and put a stop to it, even if she said otherwise. "I swear, never again. I will never hurt you like this again."

"Luca…" Her breathy voice squeaked between her hiccupping.

Completely freeing her neck, I settled my hand on her collarbone as I tucked her into me. "I am here, sweetheart, I am here." I kissed every inch of her face as I muttered apology after apology under my breath.

I only stopped running my mouth when Juliet grabbed my face with both her hands and forced me to look her dead in the eyes. "Stop." She commanded in a tired and raspy voice. "Stop apologizing. It's not your fault. I pushed myself when I shouldn't have because I wanted to enjoy things with you. I was fine, really, but I don't know exactly why it all came crashing through as it did. I don't fully understand it myself quite yet, but it is not your fault." Her fingers stroked at my eyebrows and cheeks as she reassured me with a warm smile that broke me.

"Luciano, darling, look at me." I didn't realize my far-out gaze until she said something. "I'm sorry for not being able to—"

I quickly shut her up with a kiss. "No." Now, it was my turn to hold her face with care. "Don't you ever apologize for not being able to give me something, especially sex."

"But I asked you for it and never delivered." I hated how torn she was over this trivial matter.

"And what did I tell you about consent?" I asked, hoping to jog her memory of our talk on the subject a while back.

Looking down, she muttered, "It can be taken back no matter when or what. It doesn't matter if I agreed to something beforehand. If I change my mind, then I can take it back."

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