Page 19 of In My Closet

Poking her cheek with a finger, she fumbled over her words for a second before getting things out fully. "Is it possible for a man to like screw a person under him while on all fours? Like straight legs and just hunched over, not hands and knees. And, like, do that for a long while?"

Okay, it was hard not to be peeved at her cuteness. The way she tried to show me the position using her fingers and small body gestures was too amusing, paired with her awkwardness. I couldn't help but stifle a laugh as I watched her try to explain the scene she was working on, using her hands to mime her words.

I actually had to debate that one for a few seconds before I could give her a solid answer. "Well, possible, yes, but uncomfortable after a while. I imagine your legs would start cramping unless you are conditioned to it." The thought of keeping limbs straight for such a long stretch without prior conditioning sounded not so fun, and my muscles ached in protest to the thought. "I mean, even when I screwed around in my other form, I gotta bend my legs eventually or change positions," I muttered without much thought to my comment.

Gracie's eyes widened as she leaned away from me in her seat. "What?" With the way her face twisted with concern and shock, it felt like she watched me sprout a third horn out of my forehead. "I'm sorry, but your what form?" Her eyes blinked at me in disbelief as she gave me a horrified smile.

"It's nothing, it's in the past." I tried to shove the subject past us, but Gracie was not having any of it.

Scrambling out of her chair, she marched right up to the closet entrance and jabbed her finger at my face. "Nah, ah, ah, no." Pouting, she glared at me softly as she leaned her face down, settling a hand on her hip. "You don't just drop a bomb like that, then tell me to forget it, Fawny. So, spill." She demanded with firm eyes.

"Well, it's not really something I took up here with me since you humans aren't too needing of it." Now, I was deflecting in hopes of her dropping the subject matter.

The small frown from Gracie tugged my heart down with it. "Do you not like that part of you or something? You don't really sound all that happy about me poking and prodding at you." Soft regret lined her words as she pulled back from me a little.

My chest deflated with a heavy sigh as my bones creaked in protest from my upward movement to sit up. "Little blessing," I sighed, reaching out to grab her and pull her into my lap. "It's not that I don't like that part of me. It's just something that I've been so out of touch with that I don't know how to handle it."

Holding her tightly, I nuzzled my face into her neck to breathe her in. "Back in Hell, before I became a Gatekeeper, I was like any other demon of my race. We were in charge of tormenting those in the tundra, which often included chasing and hunting them down through the dense, frozen forests." Joyful memories of my various hunts throughout my lifetime caused my body to tingle excitedly. "My species, along with many others in the frozen planes, adapted a second form for the wilderness and hunts."

It was actually rather common for demonkind to adopt an alternate form to fit their environment better. I only saw a lack of an adapted form in younglings or city folk who rarely ventured beyond the walls' safety.

"I didn't really need my adapted form up on this realm because hunting in my normal form is more than sufficient." The demons and spirits up here weren't anywhere near the ones back home, so the extra effort really wasn't needed. Also, humans didn't really take too well to seeing a massive monster from their nightmares roam around their streets.

A few soft nudges against my cheek forced my head back to look at Gracie's curious and hopeful smile that lifted her eyes and made them shine. "Do you think you can show me one day?"

Cracking a soft smile, I leaned in and kissed her. "Maybe one day, when I am free. I know for a fact that I will want to run and let loose, which I can't do here without running the risk of unintentionally hurting you." I could feel the beast within me banging against its cage to be unleashed, and the moment I gave in, I'd dive head-first into a frenzy.

Letting a peaceful silence befall us, I let myself fully relax into her after pulling her down to my makeshift bed. "When I am free of this closet, can I share your bed with you? Please?" If I had it my way, I'd constantly have my arms around her, hanging off her like some clingy monkey.

Chuckling softly, my mate snuggled her face into my chest, letting me feel the movement of her lips lifting into a smile. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Right now, let's take things one day at a time like how we've been."

It wasn't a rejection, so I'll gladly take the answer. Even if I wasn't fond of the whole take it slow thing, I had no choice because I was tied.

However, there was one thing… "Gracie, where are we though? What are we?"

Chapter 13

Gracie

The dreaded question I'd been avoiding since my orgasmic night and heavenly morning with him.

Holding a tense breath, I had an inkling of hope that if I passed out, then I could avoid this conversation further. Too bad my natural instincts to breathe kicked in the moment my vision became splotchy, forcing me to let out a disgruntled huff.

I didn't pounce on him last week because I chickened out at the overwhelming feelings from my heart. Internally, I was torn. My heart knew my place with Valphan, but my rational mind held me on the safety of land. I should take the plunge, but how much would be natural with Valphan? And how much would it be because of this magical bond of destiny? I didn't want to be with him because it was deemed so. I wanted organic growth and to fall in love with my own volition. Not because my feelings were set by God!

Not that I was being an ungrateful brat so please don't smite me, big guy. And yeah, I might have grown up praying for Mister Right to come along, but come on a demon? Really? Granted, he was a charming one, and sweet, and perfect… Really, minus the demon part, he was perfect, personality-wise. And pretty sure we'd have no problems in the bedroom if that one night was any indicator.

But I couldn't be with a demon. Even if Stella and Kastoron made it work, it just didn't seem fully rational to me. I mean, at the end of the day, Valphan deserved so much more than me. He seemed like a great demon, and I was a little hermit of an introvert who spent her life on a computer as an editor and aspiring author. I only ever left the house for a makeup gig with Stella if her client didn't have someone lined up.

Clearing my head with a sigh, I zoned my attention back to Valphan, who looked down at me with broken eyes full of concern. I hated how my answer would do nothing to alleviate his anticipation. "I don't know… I wish I could give you a better answer, but I'm still a little torn." I admitted truthfully with a grimace. I wish I had a straight answer for my own sake.

Breaking into a sad smile, Valphan strokes my cheeks with the tips of his claws. "What is making you feel torn? Is it something I have done? Something I need to do? Tell me what it is that you need of me." God, I hated how eager he always was whenever it came to me. It made me feel worse about passively rejecting him and keeping him in the grey zone.

Yes, it was beyond sweet of him to cater to me, to ensure my happiness and safety above even his own needs and wants, but by God, it made my inner turmoil worse.

"It's not you." Now, I was sure I sounded like a dumb movie. "It's me."

Grasping his wrist, I brought his hand down to my stomach to play with his fingers. "You are sweet, charming, a gentleman, just perfect, really, but I'm just torn because I want to feel for you naturally. I don't want any kind of sway from this soulmate bond of ours, to love you mindless because I was destined to." The understanding frown on Valphan's face was a punch to the gut.

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