Page 91 of Believe it or Knot

I curl my hand around her shoulder and squeeze gently. I know she’s looking to me for comfort, but I’m just not in the right frame of mind to offer it to her.

Because today all of my dreams end. Today, Sorrel publicly announces her intention to be with the Cordova pack, or rather, they’ll publicly announce their intention to be with her, to court her.

I know once that happens, I’ll be fucked.

No matter what they say, they don’t actually want me in their pack. I’m a nothing, a nobody from a tiny town, where I was the golden boy, but now I’m just… a cautionary tale.

Of course, she doesn’t want to stay with me. I left her seven years ago. Left her to deal with the loss of her parents and the fucking Stillwell pack all on her own. And then I… what? Expected to swoop in when I was ready and have her still be waiting for me?

How often does that happen in real life?

Still, I have to fucking… try, don’t I? Shoot my shot one last time.

She stops and looks up at me, fidgeting with the mic clipped to her collar nervously. The sound guy has already come and gone, the makeup artist already primped and prepped her, giving her an exuberant pep talk, one that Sorrel desperately needed, but I couldn’t bring myself to give.

The Cordova pack was swept away almost as soon as we got here. The little twerp Joey popped up and all but dragged Liam away for a ‘brief’ chat about business, Gray went to talk with the producer of the piece and Rafe followed Liam, after checking with me that I would keep an eye on our girl.

Asshole. As if I would let her out of my fucking sight after what happened under their watch.

“You like them, right, Gage?” she asks, teeth sinking into her bottom lip before she realizes it’s covered in lipstick and releases it. “They’re-they’re good guys and they’ll want to keep me, right?”

My heart breaks, crumples. I tug her into my chest and wrap my arms around her. I wonder if the Cordova pack knows this side of her, knows her insecurities. Ones that I know I helped foster. I spent my teenage years warning every swinging dick in the area away from Sorrel. The ones who ignored my warnings and went after her, anyway? Well, I got a little overzealous in reminding them she was off limits.

The result was a string of relationships and boyfriends that fizzled out with no real reason why. If I could go back and do things differently, I would. Fuck, I’d do everything differently. Starting with actually telling my girl that I love her, that I need her, dating the shit out of her in high school and claiming her when we graduated. Spending the last seven years at her side, loving her.

Instead, I orchestrated all of her breakups and then left her too.

I’m only now realizing how much damage I actually did to her. Damage she never really let me see. Hiding it behind a fake smile and gentle words.

“They’d be idiots not to keep you, biscuit. And we both know Grayson Cordova is not an idiot.”

A quiet laugh huffs out of her as she pulls back and shakes her head. “I just can’t believe this is happening, you know? They want me. It doesn’t make any sense at all.”

My hands slide to cup her cheeks, thumbs brushing over them gently before she pulls back. “Careful of the makeup. I don’t want to have to redo it.”

My scowl deepens, and the guilt I felt only moments ago melts. “Since when do you care about your makeup, Sorrel?”

She pins me with a look that eloquently tells me not to be an idiot. “Since I’m about to be interviewed for an international magazine? I need to look my best. I want to make them proud.”

I bite back the words I want to say, that any pack worth their salt should be proud of her with frizzy wavy unstyled hair and no makeup, in her normal t-shirt and shorts.

She looks over at me, a furrow between her brows. “I have to fit in with them, Gage. And that means… wearing nice clothes and primping a little.” I snort at that because she well exceeded primping ‘a little’ when she moved into her second hour of preparations. Her frown deepens. “They are billionaires, Gage. Liam is the highest paid actor in the world. Gray’s company is worth billions of dollars. Rafe owns a profitable security firm. I can’t even comprehend what that amount of money looks like, what it feels like. But they do. I will soon, too. If it means I have to dress up a little to fit in with them, I’ll do it. It’s what people expect. What they expect, even if they won’t admit it.”

“So it’s the money, then?” Shut up, Gage.

“No,” she’s quick to snap back at me. “No. Of course, it’s not about the money. You know me better than that. But could you honestly blame me if it was? God, Gage. You don’t know what it’s been like for me. You don’t know how hard… how uncertain my life has been.” My chest tightens with guilt. “It’s not your fault,” she says, shaking her head. “I didn’t tell you, but Jesus… I’m looking forward to not living like that. I’m ready to have a fucking break.”

I can’t help but glare at her. “This isn’t you, Sorrel.”

She turns to look in the mirror, head tilted as she considers her reflection. “I know. I know this isn’t me, but I’m giving them what they want, right? Everyone does that at the beginning of a relationship, puts on a little extra gloss. I just want them to choose me. I need them to choose me, Gage. Once they do that, I can… I can be totally honest with them. Once I’m bonded to them, it’ll be too late. They won’t be able to leave me, like everyone else.”

Like you. She doesn’t say it, but the words are there between us. Painful and aching.

She waves a hand over her body. “This is all just temporary. They won’t expect me to keep it up forever.”

“What if they do, Sor? What if they want you to twist yourself around to be someone you’re not?”

“They won’t.”

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