“I just want to be the same. My whole career. I never wanted to—didn’t want to be different.”
Shea wiped at his cheek because fuck, Dom baring his soul like this nearly broke Shea’s heart. “I know.”
“My dad. He wouldn’t have liked it if I was.”
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Shea should stop this conversation. It was one thing to talk to Dom about stuff like this when he was sober and clear-headed but Shea knew damn well he had no idea what he was saying at the moment.
If he weren’t on muscle relaxers, he wouldn’t be talking like this. He wouldn’t be so open.
It made Shea feel like he was doing something he shouldn’t. Like he was prying for information when Dom was vulnerable, taking advantage of the situation.
But God, the opportunity to get to know Dom when his guard was down, to see what was behind all those walls …
And Shea absolutely wasn’t okay with letting Dom go to sleep like this. Alcohol and Flexeril were both central nervous system depressants. If the combination slowed his breathing too much …
Torn with indecision about what to do, Shea hesitated.
Dom laughed. “My dad, he used to say ‘you need to toughen up, Dom!’. He said that a lot, you know?”
“I didn’t know that,” Shea said softly.
“Yeah. He thought I was weak. Called me a girl too, when I got hurt and cried.”
Shea winced. Yeah, he was familiar with that approach. His dad hadn’t been so different. He’d heard, Pick yourself up, Shea. You think you can make it to the NHL with an attitude like that? You’re too soft, more times than he could count.
“Do you think he knew you were gay?” Shea asked.
“Yeah, maybe. I think he could somehow tell I wasn’t like everyone else.”
“Oh, Dom.” Shea let out a sigh. “You … what about your mom? What did she do?”
“Dunno. She was gone a lot. Skating. Getting pregnant with me ruined her career, you know?”
Shea closed his eyes. Jesus. Dom was … Dom was holding on to a lot more pain than Shea had ever realized.
“She loved me though.”
“Of course she did,” Shea said soothingly. Because whether or not it was true, Dom needed to hear it right now.
“But she had to quit skating and become a coach. She’s French, you know?”
“From France or Quebec?” Shea asked.
“France.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah. Don’t think I tell a lot of people about when I was growing up. Do you know that I’m why they got divorced? My parents, I mean.”
Shea swallowed. “No, Dom. I didn’t know that.”
He laughed. “It’s all my fault.”
“What happened?”
“I walked in on him. He was … with a man.”