Page 27 of Under Control

By the time the movie was over, Alex was tense and annoyed, and Nadia hadn’t made any of her usual hilarious comments about the action. Even when Alex pointed out some stupid, nonsensical shit, like when the spaceship traveled from Cassiopeia to Pylos in the span of two days, Nadia only shrugged.

This was supposed to be Alex’s fun outing before the weird sex party Tracht was dragging him to. He didn’t want to deal with Nadia being emotional.

“If you’re gonna be boring, I’m outta here,” Alex said. He could go to the ship and work out a bit, or read that book Tracht had given him on the different classes of spaceships. That one was actually interesting, even if Alex had to look up half the words.

Nadia grabbed his arm to stop him. “No, I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m no fun right now, but I don’t want to go back either. Can we just hang out?”

“I guess.” Alex followed her out of the theater to the bench outside. Their bench, Alex had dubbed it, because it was where they usually sat when the movie let out and they still had time to kill. Sometimes Nadia dragged him shopping, which was fun too.

Or, it was fun when Nadia was being herself instead of moping around. Alex waited for her to say something, until the silence got to him and he blurt out, “What the fuck’s wrong?”

“Language,” Nadia said, without the usual joking tone.

“Fuck off. If you don’t want to talk then why am I here?”

Nadia sighed loudly and slumped against him, wrapping both her arms around his. “Do you think we’d make a good couple, Alex?”

“Uh, what?” Alex tugged on his arm, but she wouldn’t let go. He could shove her off no problem, but he didn’t want to hurt her. “You want to be my girlfriend?”

“I’ve thought about it. Maybe dating Alex would be better for me than staying with Lina and Charlie. I actually thought that.” She sat up and looked him in the eyes. “Even though I know you’re really far gone for Tracht and oh my god I don’t even want to imagine what he’d do to me—wait, I do want to imagine that—and, no offense, but you aren’t actually my type.”

Alex had no clue anymore what she was talking about. “Yeah, I mean. Uh. You’re hot, for a chick with a million holes in her body. But I’m, uh. Wait, what do you mean, I’m not your type?”

She giggled and let go, sliding away from him. “We’re both subs, Alex. I want somebody who isn’t afraid of hurting me. Who could dominate me fully and completely. Who doesn’t shy away from tying up my pussy and sliding needles under my skin…” She moaned.

“I could hurt you,” Alex mumbled. “It’s not that hard.”

“Uh.” She bit her lip. “Okay, I’m pretty sure you could break my arms, but that’s not what I meant. It has to be a controlled hurt. I mean, you know the difference between what Tracht does to you and what happens when you get into fist fights, right?”

Yeah, Alex knew the difference. He remembered the kidnapping and the torture, and how a lot of the shit they’d done to him had hurt more than what Tracht did, but it had been just pain, while Tracht did this weird thing that got Alex to not mind it and sometimes even want it. He played with his tongue-stud.

“Fine. I don’t like needles anyway.” Alex didn’t think he was a sub though. Not like Nadia was. He’d watched the porn vids, he’d seen the simpering weaklings who begged for more and more pain and degradation. That wasn’t him. Alex didn’t want that shit. “Why’d you bring it up anyway?”

Nadia sighed loudly. “My contract is up soon. And I don’t know if Charlie and Lina want me to stay.”

“Singh? She asked about you. I mean, I don’t get why she asked me and not you, but she looked like shit and wanted to know if you’d mailed me.”

“Hah. Charlie and I vidded with her once you guys hit comm-space again, and she seemed really distant and not into it. You know, Charlie hasn’t fucked me since you guys left Cadmus? I’ve been empty for going on three months now, and I thought we’d have a great big celebratory fuck when you arrived yesterday, but Lina just went straight to bed. And then Charlie joined her, and I was just… alone.”

Alex had no idea what he was supposed say. He didn’t care either way what Nadia’s sex life with the two of them was, and he still fucking hated Singh and all the shit she put him through. “If your contract is up, you’re free, right? You can just leave those, uh… you can leave them if you want. They can’t force you to stay anymore.”

Nadia laughed loudly. “That’s exactly what my other friends said. Well, friend, singular, because everybody else stopped talking to me after I became a bondservant. But Alex, I don’t know if I want to leave. I love them, y’know? Both of them.”

“So… stay?” Alex said, really confused now. She should just make up her mind so they could talk about things that were more interesting. His heart started beating faster too, probably because of how boring her stupid problems were.

“What if they don’t want me to stay though? Lina’s been really distant, and what if… what if I’m ruining their marriage? What if Lina’s jealous of me?”

Yeah, Alex was so done with this. “I don’t know. Just make up your own mind. Who even cares what they think.”

“No, Alex, you don’t get it! It’s not just about them. Is it good for me to stay with Lina and Charlie? Even if we all want to stay together, what about me as a person? Sometimes I think I’m losing myself, that I’m nothing but their toy, and I love that feeling, but it’s also not the healthiest feeling, and I—”

Her words sounded familiar, like something that coulda come out of Parsons’ mouth. Why Alex was thinking of that loser right now, he had no clue, but he didn’t want to be reminded of Parsons ever.

Alex stood up and took two large steps away from her. “Like I know. I… I really don’t care either. If you want to stay, then stay. If you don’t want to stay, then don’t.”

He jogged away, ignoring her shouts at him. He didn’t need this. He wanted to relax and chill out before whatever Tracht was going to make him do that night. Maybe he’d hit the gym and then soak in the tub. Find some way to stave off the beginnings of hunger until Tracht came back from his meetings.

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