Page 43 of Under Control

“Alex is just going to give them to you whenever you want. If you insist on going to your own quarters, then I insist on bringing the medication when it’s safe.”

“All right, that’s acceptable.” Tracht stood carefully, a wave of dizziness washing over him. Pain, or the drug starting to clear his system? Either way, he didn’t like it. “I’m going now.”

“Fine. But I’ll have you know, you’d better pay me a significant overtime fee for this.”

“Of course.” Tracht stumbled out the door and was pleasantly surprised to see Alex sitting in the chair, half asleep. Waiting for Tracht. Tracht settled himself into Alex’s lap, startling Alex.

“What? Tracht?”

“Yes. Let’s head back now. I’m exhausted.”

“Yeah, okay.” It took them a while to stand, and Tracht leaned on Alex the entirety of the way back to their quarters. Tracht wasn’t sure if he was feeling more like himself or not; maybe he simply needed to sleep it off. Get his entire system cleared up.

They fell into bed together, Alex crowding Tracht and wrapping them together tightly. It reminded Tracht of the earlier kissing session. Tracht settled his head on Alex’s chest, pressing his hand underneath the light shirt Alex was wearing. He hadn’t undressed.

Didn’t matter. Tracht was just glad to have Alex there.

“You okay now?” Alex asked in a hushed voice. “Like, the collar is off?”

“Collar is off. It will take a while for the drugs to wear off too, but Singh estimates a few hours. She will then bring me some painkillers, which she has said I am not allowed to have right now as they might interact badly with the current cocktail in my system.”

“Oh.” Alex went quiet, and Tracht kissed his jaw.

Exhaustion had Tracht falling asleep soon after, but with his neck throbbing and the headache behind his eyes growing, he kept waking up. The first few times, he listened to Alex’s breathing and let it lull him back to sleep; by the fourth time, Tracht had to admit he wasn’t going to fall asleep again.

He couldn’t see much of Alex in the dark, but he smelled him, felt the rise of his chest, and Tracht was overcome with a sudden anger so overwhelming that he couldn’t breathe.

Alex had seen him like that. Alex had had to save him. Alex had greedily taken Tracht’s affection, when Tracht hadn’t wanted to give it, not like that.

Alex had also, Tracht remembered, refrained from having sex with him. That angered him even more, that Alex hadn’t even done something that warranted a punishment. There was nothing to stop him from doing it anyway; he could hurt Alex, scour his back, make him cry and bleed just to release his own anger.

That wouldn’t be a great way to have Alex remain loyal though. He’d promised Alex a reward, and even though that promise had been made under the influence of the collar, Tracht knew Alex would resent it being broken. None of that should have mattered, and yet it did; Tracht cared about Alex’s goodwill, and that got him angry all over again.

Better to be angry at Alex than to think about what had transpired.

Unfortunately, Tracht had no desire to be like Alex, lacking in awareness of his own emotional states. He knew it wasn’t Alex he was truly angry at. It was himself, it was Espinosa, it was Iglesias. Damned shame they’d been prevented from hurting Iglesias, although Tracht supposed he wouldn’t have been in the right state of mind to enjoy any of it.

After more tossing and turning, Tracht gave up on sleep and got out of bed. Alex reached for him, but didn’t wake; for the best, probably. Tracht got his earbuds and his tablet and lay down on the couch, prepared to spend the rest of the night awake.

Chapter 13

Alex woke alone, and he panicked for a second, thinking Tracht was still with Iglesias, still wearing the awful collar. A quick glance around the room showed Tracht sitting on the couch, watching a vid on the big screen. There was no sound, so Tracht must have been using his earbuds.

The screen was playing the local news, showing some people protesting in front of the station’s main government building. Alex had actually been inside that building once with Tracht, when Tracht had wanted to meet with a politician regarding an upcoming vote. Weird that Tracht was awake this early though.

Alex crawled out of bed and headed over to Tracht. He sat down on the couch next to him, then lay down and put his head in Tracht’s lap.

“Alex. Good morning,” Tracht said, removing one of the earbuds. He sounded kind of listless, which Alex hadn’t expected.

“Hey. What are we doing today?” Alex asked cautiously. “You had a bunch of meetings scheduled, but I don’t think you should go. And the ship is probably okay without you for today, right? So we could just chill together. Or go out somewhere if you want. A hotel? A spa? Or I could get a bath running for you, or—”

“No.” Tracht lifted Alex off of him and stood up. “No, I think I’d like to be alone.”

“Alone?”

“Yes, Alex, alone. By myself. Without you,” Tracht spat out. “Just… go entertain yourself somewhere. Feel free to eat today, I don’t care. Just leave me.”

The words seemed to stab Alex right through the chest. He didn’t want to go out. He wanted to stay with Tracht. Maybe make out for a bit, or just watch movies together. Alex was even down to watch some boring documentary, as long as he got to be near Tracht.

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