Page 118 of Under His Heel

He watched Parsons calm himself down. “God. Alex, that’s normal. Most people don’t like hurting others. Most people feel guilty when they hurt their friends.”

For some reason, Alex’s heart started pounding harder.

“Did you?”

“What?”

“Did you. Feel guilty. About hurting me.”

It was something, watching Parsons’ anger melt away. “Yeah. Alex, I had a long time in isolation to think about it, and I did.”

Oh. For some reason Alex hadn’t thought Parsons would say that. On the other hand, Nick had apologized the day before, and look how sincere that had been.

“Do you mean it?” Alex asked. “You… you wish you hadn’t tried to screw me over?”

“Alex—I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t been so stupid. I wish I didn’t know what a flogger felt like. I wish I had thought about all the potential consequences.” Parsons looked away from Alex and scratched his neck.

“But you want to know the funny thing? Meilin is ecstatic. Her dad doesn’t have to go away for a long time anymore! I mean, sure, it’s because I am literally unemployable, but she’s happier.

“And, this is the best part. Tracht’s lawyers, or Lysander’s lawyers, I don’t know. They gave me a nice little payout. Well, they gave it to Kai, but close enough. I told them everything I could about the guy who hired me, about my suspicions, I went on the record even, and in return, no employer on the station will touch me with a three foot pole. But hey, I’ve got enough money to get me to the next solar system.”

Alex frowned. “What about the fancy school?”

“Ah, yeah.” Parsons cringed. “There’s no way it’s affordable. No point, even. We’re staying until the school year is over and then we’re moving to Zhuanxu station, where Xiaoyu’s parents live.”

“You’re leaving? What about me?”

“What about you? Alex, you show up in my nightmares. If Meilin was friends with somebody like you, I’d do everything in my power to keep them apart. I’m not going to miss you.”

That shouldn’t have bothered Alex. He reminded himself that Parsons had screwed him over pretty badly. There should have been no reason for Alex to care, even if Parsons had hung out with him and helped him study. He clenched his fists and considered forcing Parsons to stay, except Tracht would get mad and Parsons probably wouldn’t actually stay.

“Could we message each other?”

Parsons laughed. “I don’t know how to respond to that. I’m not even surprised that you don’t get why I might not ever want to talk to you again.”

Shit. Shit. Alex felt stupid now. Stupider than he had with Nick. “So, why’d you agree to talk to me if you were just gonna be an asshole? Why did Tracht tell me to come see you?”

“I can’t believe I actually feel bad for you.” Parsons came to sit next to Alex on the bed. “Okay, listen. I don’t know why Tracht does any of the shit he does, except that he thinks it’ll get him something he wants. I shouldn’t talk to you just for that.

“But I don’t even care about that anymore. Alex, what you did? Was pretty much unforgivable in my book. You should have told me you didn’t want to do it, and told me why. I would have agreed and scrapped the plan.”

That didn’t sit right with Alex. “How was I supposed to know? And Tracht would still have taken it out on me if he caught wind of me hiding something from him.” He saw Parsons grimace, but Alex pushed on, “And I can’t—just—I can’t do anything to screw over Tracht. Ever. That’d be wrong. I—”

His palms felt clammy. He shut up because he had no idea what he was really saying.

Alex startled when Parsons clapped his shoulder. “This is so messed up. Tracht doesn’t deserve your loyalty, Alex. He’s manipulating you. If he really cared about you, if he respected you, he wouldn’t make you do things you don’t like.”

“He has my contract,” Alex said. “And he isn’t—he isn’t doing bad things to me. He’s not like... not really hurting me.”

“Okay, I’m not going to tell you how to feel about the whole thing because that was wrong of me too, but Alex,” Parsons’ voice took on a pleading edge, “think about it, okay? That shit Tracht does to you? I would never have done it with Xiaoyu. I respected her. I loved her. When we disagreed, we talked it out—I would never have locked her in a cage or denied her food or forced her to get piercings. Tracht is grooming you.”

Shit. Shit. Shitshitshit. Alex got up and stumbled to the door. “Whatever. None of your business.”

“Alex. I am sorry. I hope you get out of that situation. But just get of here now, and seriously, don’t ever contact me again.”

Alex opened the door and almost tripped over Meilin. She glared up at him. “It’s been over twenty minutes! Give me my daddy back!”

“You can have him, you brat,” Alex growled. He stepped around her and got out of there.

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